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kreg
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 09:20 AM
  #1
I met this person then found her on FB. She's not married but in a relationship. she accepted my friend request which made my day. But then I soon get this message saying in a very nice way that she only accepted it to say because of professional obligations we couldn't be friends. That was sad but understandable. Thing is for a few days she left me on her friends list-which made me wonder if she really in some way wanted to be friends. And who knows maybe her relationship was not doing well. Like why didn't she from the first just unfriend me? So I followed up with another message-nothing mean or unfriendly in any way. Then she unfriended me. Was I misinterpreting her actions or words?
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 09:34 AM
  #2
I may be unusual, but I think that approaching someone you barely know on facebook is like knocking on someone's door without being invited. It sounds like you jumped the gun, trying to be too familiar too soon. I think that's her basic message to you.
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 09:53 AM
  #3
Sorry. I agree with Rose too. Sometimes, I will friend people because we have mutual friends in common, and I don’t know them well. If they start posting stuff I don’t like, I unfriend them. If a guy starts trying to get super friendly super fast, I unfriend him especially as my FB status clearly states I am married. Do these guys misinterpret the friending and think because I accepted their friend request, my marriage must be going down the rocks? I honestly don’t know.
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 10:02 AM
  #4
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Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
I may be unusual, but I think that approaching someone you barely know on facebook is like knocking on someone's door without being invited. It sounds like you jumped the gun, trying to be too familiar too soon. I think that's her basic message to you.
Yes and it's interesting how a person will see a situation through their own colored glasses, thinking one thing is something it really isn't. I didn't get what you say from her-just that in her medical job she must follow the code of patient doctor nurse social separation. Then again I know one doctor who at least towards me is more open and friendly to the point of showing a social interest.
My invitation in this case was that she was showing some flirtyness towards me. So you don't know if you don't try and I sent her the FB invite.

Last edited by kreg; Mar 18, 2018 at 10:06 AM.. Reason: more
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 10:22 AM
  #5
I don't know about her, but I take FB friend requests from guys at work (when I used to work) just as a general interest in you & your life, but not necessarily a romantic interest, especially not if her status shows she's in a relationship. Did you message her or something, come on too strong? That is an instant "unfriender" for me.

It sounds like maybe you misinterpreted her accepting your friend request as a romantic interest when she thought of it as a simple colleague to colleague friend request, a general friend interest but nothing romantic. And maybe you misinterpreted her flirting? Some women tend to be flirty with guys even while in a relationship, without trying. My sister is a case in point. She is very friendly and open, especially with guys. She has always been that way, and still is even though she has been married 15 years. She doesn't do it to mislead men. It is just the way she is.
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 10:59 AM
  #6
I also think it was kind of odd for her to accept the friend request and then send that message but leave you on her friend list. Why not just not accept the friend request in the first place? I wouldn't read anything into it either way, but agree it is odd.
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 10:59 AM
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I didn't get what you say from her-just that in her medical job she must follow the code of patient doctor nurse social separation. Then again I know one doctor who at least towards me is more open and friendly to the point of showing a social interest.
My invitation in this case was that she was showing some flirtyness towards me. So you don't know if you don't try and I sent her the FB invite.
Hold up, are you saying you are/we’re a patient of hers?
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 11:45 AM
  #8
Lately I'm agreeing with the song, in that they do be tripping. You, me, everybody.
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 11:49 AM
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I too think it's weird that she accepted your request, then sent you the message, then unfriended you. It would be a lot easier on her part to just have not accepted your request in the first place.

You say her initial acceptance of your friend request "made your day". That is quite a strong reaction to have! Perhaps in other ways, you were unknowingly coming on too strong and that led to her setting some extra boundaries. Who knows?

But this sort of thing (friend acceptance, then being taken off the friend list) happens on Facebook all the time. Try not to dwell on it, just live your life and let her live hers.
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 11:56 AM
  #10
I put a lot of thought into anyone on my Facebook because I post things there that I probably shouldn't. It's my inner circle of trusted people. I've 19 there, I think.
Facebook is very personal to me. I think the OP here thinks similarly
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 12:07 PM
  #11
I wonder too. Is she a work colleague or were you her patient? If it is a doctor-patient relationship, she should have never accepted your friend request on FB to start with. So it should be goodbye and good riddance. Also, if she is your doctor, it is a good idea to find a new one, IMO.

If it’s a work relationship, you have to keep in mind not everyone has a small FB circle of friends. There are people out there with hundreds of friends, most of whom I doubt they know, but many people do that on FB. So what might seem like an intimate friend request to one person may seem like no big deal to another.
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 12:43 PM
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Originally Posted by cln1812 View Post
I wonder too. Is she a work colleague or were you her patient? If it is a doctor-patient relationship, she should have never accepted your friend request on FB to start with. So it should be goodbye and good riddance. Also, if she is your doctor, it is a good idea to find a new one, IMO.

If it’s a work relationship, you have to keep in mind not everyone has a small FB circle of friends. There are people out there with hundreds of friends, most of whom I doubt they know, but many people do that on FB. So what might seem like an intimate friend request to one person may seem like no big deal to another.
Eh, I’m not totally convinced she was in the wrong. She accepted the request to tell him it was inappropriate, I’m assuming because of how FB messaging works where messages from people you don’t know get filed away and you may not see them. Though, that was a little dumb of her; just don’t accept the request. But some people, especially older, just don’t know socially acceptable FB protocol. Still.

I worked with people in the rehab hospital (this was physical rehab like spinal cord injuries, etc) who accepted patient friend requests all the time. I was like, guys, that is sooooo inappropriate and unethical! They just thought I was a huge, cold, unfeeling jerk. I came from a background in the ER where you SO wouldn’t do that and they’re like “This is not the same place.” I guess I see the difference, but in my opinion, it’s just a delineation which should be maintained.

Anyway, I don’t know if she was the OP’s doctor, I’m just rumbling.
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 06:11 PM
  #13
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Hold up, are you saying you are/we’re a patient of hers?
A family member
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 06:22 PM
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A family member
I am super confused.

A) If she were a family member, why would she not want you on her FB (granted, I have had to unfriend several family members, but I don't understand as it doesn't seem there is animosity there).

B) Why, if she is a family member, is she declining because of professional obligations?

I feel like there is a large part of the story we are missing. Maybe it would help us if we knew it.
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 06:27 PM
  #15
well xrap i hope this don't get out. She works at the hospital.not a relative. My wife was the patient. The hosp. worker not a doctor said it was inappropriate to be friends with a patient or any of their family. But I got mixed signals from her-not unfriending me from the git go for one. And I guess after all is said it don't matter.
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 08:51 PM
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I too think it's weird that she accepted your request, then sent you the message, then unfriended you. It would be a lot easier on her part to just have not accepted your request in the first place.

You say her initial acceptance of your friend request "made your day". That is quite a strong reaction to have! Perhaps in other ways, you were unknowingly coming on too strong and that led to her setting some extra boundaries. Who knows?

But this sort of thing (friend acceptance, then being taken off the friend list) happens on Facebook all the time. Try not to dwell on it, just live your life and let her live hers.
I agree with you. Now that you mentioned "made your day:" ....quite a strong reaction. I read that as an overreaction. An FB experience with unfriending involved a couple For years I was friends with both spouses. Then no warning she unfriended me. Her husband & I are still friends. I was never flirty with him So that was not the issue. Still unsure why she unfriended me. Figure I'll never know. Oh well life goes on.
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Default Mar 18, 2018 at 10:02 PM
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well xrap i hope this don't get out. She works at the hospital.not a relative. My wife was the patient. The hosp. worker not a doctor said it was inappropriate to be friends with a patient or any of their family. But I got mixed signals from her-not unfriending me from the git go for one. And I guess after all is said it don't matter.
With all of the concern regarding this woman and her social media habits surrounding you, I'm very surprised to hear that you're married.

Yes, it is incredibly inappropriate for healthcare workers to "friend" patients. But, conversely, it is just as inappropriate for patients to "friend" healthcare workers. Who knows why she didn't unfriend you? But I doubt very much she was sending signals. If she were treating your wife, there are some pretty strict ethical boundaries in place for which she can be called onto the carpet, so to speak. At some healthcare facilities, we can lose our jobs for engaging with patients and their family members on social media.

OP, your story keeps changing. I still feel like there is something missing. To me, no offense, it's kind of disconcerting. Especially given that you have a wife who, it seems, was recently in the hospital.
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Default Mar 19, 2018 at 12:20 PM
  #18
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My invitation in this case was that she was showing some flirtyness towards me. So you don't know if you don't try and I sent her the FB invite.
So your wife was in the hospital and you thought of one of her health care workers was flirting with you? And you fb-friended her hoping it could lead to an affair? If I am understanding this correctly, maybe you should be focused on your wife’s recovery instead of on the women who are treating her. The health care worker was probably being friendly because she felt bad for you that your wife was in the hospital! My mom is currently in the hospital and when my dad visits, all of the nurses are really nice to him— because it’s hard to have your wife in the hospital.
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Default Mar 19, 2018 at 01:38 PM
  #19
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Thing is for a few days she left me on her friends list-which made me wonder if she really in some way wanted to be friends. And who knows maybe her relationship was not doing well. Like why didn't she from the first just unfriend me? So I followed up with another message-nothing mean or unfriendly in any way. Then she unfriended me. Was I misinterpreting her actions or words?

She simply forgot to remove you at the time when you messaged her again she was reminded.

You're looking for answers to things that are not there. You barely know this person and she politely told you the reason you can't be friends. Move on.
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