Stuck - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-20-2018, 04:38 PM #1
graystreet's Avatar
graystreet graystreet is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: The Other Side
Posts: 579
graystreet graystreet is offline
Veteran Member
graystreet's Avatar
graystreet has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: The Other Side
Posts: 579

2 yr Member
96 hugs
given
Default Stuck

I went to my pdoc (well, she's a nurse practitioner but whatever) today and she gave me a script for something for anxiety. Just waiting for it to be filled.

I can't get out of this rut--just circling, circling, thinking about how he lied and cheated. And I can't stop looking at her page. Watching him flirt with her like he does. Watching her eat it up. Thinking about how, when I messaged her and told her what was going on, she said, "I'm sorry he's doing this to you."

I'll bet he didn't lie to her. I'll bet she knew about me. I'll bet he told her that he was stuck in a thing with a horrible woman that he just couldn't get out of, and she was all too willing to make him feel better.

And here's me, feeling like I am the horrible woman. I know that everyone keeps telling me it's a lie. But then again, he is kind to other people. He's been in long term relationships. I sit here, yet again, feeling totally alone and desperate for some way to not feel so desperately alone.

I told my pdoc today that I had a little bit of fight, determination, and dignity in me before this all happened. And he took it...it's just...gone. I don't feel like I can fight against my mental illness anymore. I feel like all of the things he said are correct.

I'm sorry I am posting so much. I just don't know where else to go.
graystreet is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:

advertisement
Old 03-20-2018, 05:35 PM #2
healingme4me's Avatar
healingme4me healingme4me is offline
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 45,995
healingme4me healingme4me is offline
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
healingme4me's Avatar
healingme4me Needs a little reading lamp.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 45,995 (SuperPoster!)

5 yr Member
6,442 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Stuck

Betrayal is so difficult to recover from.
healingme4me is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-20-2018, 06:12 PM #3
Bill3 Bill3 is online now
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 8,883
Bill3 Bill3 is online now
Wise Elder
Bill3 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 8,883 (SuperPoster!)

10 yr Member
17.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Stuck

Bill3 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-20-2018, 06:28 PM #4
graystreet's Avatar
graystreet graystreet is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: The Other Side
Posts: 579
graystreet graystreet is offline
Veteran Member
graystreet's Avatar
graystreet has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: The Other Side
Posts: 579

2 yr Member
96 hugs
given
Default Re: Stuck

My friends and sister keep reminding me of the absolutely despicable things he did to me... leaving me to sleep in my car, leaving me in Knoxville... a few other really personal situations I won't go into. I'm trying to remember that, regardless of what I said and did to him, how I may have text bombed when he disappeared yet again, how I may have stressed him out how I was "just too sick to talk to," I didn't deserve to be lied to and cheated on. It was the one thing I asked him not to do. The first night we spoke on the phone after deciding to enter into this thing, "J, I know we'll fight and you might leave. But just don't screw me over, please. It's all I ask. If there is even the hope of another woman, let me go. Please." He said, "Well, I certainly hope I don't. And I understand how you feel...I will." So, why? What was the point? To leave me as broken and empty as possible?

I'm trying to hold to the fact that, even after everything blew up, after what went down in Knoxville and how cruel he was that night (before I knew about her and that it was all a lie), I still wanted things to end well. Civilly. This was my friend. I kept asking him that when he was raging at me, telling me to prostitute myself for Uber fair, "We don't work, we obviously cannot tolerate a relationship and that's fine I'm ready to go. But I was your friend...how can you say these things? Can we just NOT? Can't we end this in a civil way before I go home?" Even the morning after, after sleeping in my car in his parking lot (after he said he'd let me sleep on his couch), I texted him and said hey listen, we blew up. We obviously aren't going to speak again, I'm sorry for my part. Why don't we just get a coffee and just say goodbye.

But he was so vitriolic. I said to him that Sunday, how can you tell me I'm beautiful, and then an hour later hate me so much you're telling me to suck **** to get home? He said, "I don't hate you." Then offered to let me sleep on his couch. And then never answered his door. And then, the next day, didn't tell me, in all the texts, that he'd found my driver's license (which I wouldn't have been able to get a hotel room without let along DRIVE legally). I ended up going over there to drop something off and he handed me an envelope with my license. I said, "Do you think this would have been important to tell me about?" He said, "Yep." And slammed the door. It was like he was going to mail it to me, but there is no post office that would have been able to read the address the way he'd written it on there. He didn't give a crap about my safety or well being. And I know people keep saying he was a bad guy but why? Why did this have to happen? Dammit. It was so unnecessary. Pick on someone closer to home. Why pick on me?

I'm trying to hang onto the fact that, whatever happened, I didn't lie or cheat. And I wanted to at least try and end it in a civil manner, with a goodbye after all these years.

I told him later, "I guess I'm just thrown on the trash heap with the rest of the women you claimed to care deeply about, and then claimed hurt you so irreparably you can't function normally in a relationship." I don't think he liked that. I don't care.
graystreet is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-20-2018, 07:07 PM #5
Bill3 Bill3 is online now
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 8,883
Bill3 Bill3 is online now
Wise Elder
Bill3 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 8,883 (SuperPoster!)

10 yr Member
17.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Stuck

I'm sorry, graystreet.
Bill3 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:55 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.