Friend is whiner and complainer

I have a similar friend. I’ve been trying to keep her at arm’s length. This one is worse than a complainer, she attacks me for no reason that I deserve. Yet, I feel that I don’t want to defriend her again like I’ve done in the past several times.

It sounds like your friend is very depressed and can’t contain it, even in an Easter letter.

TB, you are so very clever, and intuitive. This person is a life-long depressive. She had one suicide attempt as a teen. OK. So in this Easter letter she said she has felt suicidal since her mother died. Well, her mother was 96 and had a long and full life, and was not a depressive, and I am certain she would not want my friend to grieve on. It has been three years. I told my friend she probably had complicated grief and she should seek out counseling at a grief counseling center. This is one thing that really irked her and got her dander up. Well, I am really not going to just sit there and hear her say she wants to commit suicide over her 96 year old mother's very peaceful passing. I mean she has a new beautiful grand child, and many other joys. She has a beautiful home, a lovely family blah, blah, blah. However....however....she is a depressive. Yes.

I can put up with her being a depressive. But I can't put up with vitriolic attacks. No, TB, I can't and I won't. I mean we have our own difficulties in life and we need to prioritize our self-care. I know (from your posts) that you treasure friendship, and so do I. But we must weigh the costs, too.

I did that exactly. Exactly. She got angry because she "has it so bad."

Sometime people don't or aren't always aware of what they are doing so they don't always know how they are affecting other people. Sometime what is meant to be venting out their problem may turn into something else that is not intended on their part. She may have felt that you were attacking her in many ways. She may have felt hurt by what you had said to her without realizing her action and she said things out of anger.

Is it possible that the environment she grew up in where everyone complains all the time as a way to talk and this all normal? She may not realize how this affect other people? Or is possible that you and her may have completely misunderstood both intention? Maybe she meant to explain how her day went or how frustrated the holiday is without realizing how it came out in contexts? Perhaps you may have unintentionally snapped at her due to something you are going through without realizing it?

Try taking a deep breathe and relax. Ask yourself what you are willing to live with and what your not willing to live with? Once you know that answer then the rest will be easy. You can start out by saying! I really feel bad about what you said because I felt that you had attack my character because of something that I had said to you that had unintentionally upset you. I acted out in good faith with good intention when I suggestewhatT workbook it was just suggesting and you don't follow my suggesting but I really value our friendship. Right now I am really going through some things and I feel like you are not there for me like I am there for. I feel like you are complaining about everything every time we hang out and it is taking a toll on me. I can't take anymore of the complaining right now because i just have too much going on. Have you thought of asking someone else how they are feeling and how you might be able to help them so that you can take a break from your problem? I may have said something out anger and frustration without realizing it but we need come to some kind of mutual agreement about this problem.

This way your not attacking her but the problem. I too have the same problem myself. I try to make sure that I take time out to ask other people how they are doing and how I might be able to help? Sometime people don't realized what they are doing or how their action may affected other people. I hope this help you out and known that these are only suggesting and you don't have to do anything that make you feel uncomfortable.

Perhaps you can tell her look I can't take the way that younare talking to me. When you are in a better mood. Than we can talk.

Is she in therapy? I would strongly encourage her to be in therapy, group therapy too.

Sounds like it's time to sit back after your nice little email to her & let her be the next to apologize. If she doesnt then I would definitely accept that there is a time & a season for everything under the sun. Sometimes long time friendships just do disolve because we do change & grow over time....even growing out of friendships that were able to be tolerated in our younger years.

Let her make the next move if there is to be one. That term....."the ball is in her court"would be appropriate right about now.

I myself suffer from complicated grief and it not fun because you want to enjoy life but can't because of the pain. Maybe she just really depressed and don't understand how that can affect other people. I lost my brother in law to suicide and had two brother myself include attempt suicide. Grief can affect a person in many ways.

Big hugs to you. I am sorry to hear that. You could tell that she need seek counseling for herself and a marriage counselor.

I have a friend I always vent complaints with regarding meds, MH professionals, etc. She always responds than says "Keep in touch". I can't tell whether it bugs her or if I'm a burden or not.

If you want keep being her friend. You should definitely tell her to get professional help and get her a journal to vent in.

+ I did not read the whole thread