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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,514
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#21
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,514
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,697 hugs
given |
#22
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,514
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,697 hugs
given |
#23
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
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#24
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OK, I know this person very well. This kind of discussion can never happen. She blames everyone around her. She blames her husband, her children, and now me, of course. She is not one to "drop down" into honest discussion. That is why I call her a Prima Donna. She elevates herself above others. When my friend was younger these bad traits were balanced out by her creativity, humor, and generosity. She has allowed many of these to fall by the wayside. Also, I am not interested in friendships as therapy anymore. I am not into trying to dig out the reasons why she said this or that. It isn't my job to try to figure out her moods, the meaning behind her words, blah, blah, blah. On holidays I send her beautiful cards with lighthearted messages and nice gifts. I refrain from droning on about all my problems. My friend does not accept criticism well at all. This is because she allows herself to be abused verbally by her partner and I guess, does so in return. I don't have this in my life. I don't settle conflicts with nasty words. I don't have to "set a good example" with my adult friend to teach her how to behave. She also defended her loyalty and how much she has been there for me. I thought about it and realize she has deluded herself. She believes she gives much more than she does. Months and months will go by where she does not contact me or does not return my phone calls because she is self-absorbed and depressed. I am really thinking she has evolved into a not very nice person. __________________ |
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Buffy01
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Buffy01
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
8 1,043 hugs
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#25
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We were emailing. Things got a bit out of control. You know we were shooting emails back and forth. Then she just shut down. After that I directed all her emails to my trash file. I was so angry and hurt. So I don't know if she sent me any more emails because I just did not want to get an email with abusive type language. This is a very old friendship. Decades old. More like sisters. __________________ |
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Buffy01
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Buffy01
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,742
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#26
Sounds like it's time to sit back after your nice little email to her & let her be the next to apologize. If she doesnt then I would definitely accept that there is a time & a season for everything under the sun. Sometimes long time friendships just do disolve because we do change & grow over time....even growing out of friendships that were able to be tolerated in our younger years.
Let her make the next move if there is to be one. That term....."the ball is in her court"would be appropriate right about now. __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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Buffy01, DechanDawa
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Buffy01, DechanDawa, Middlemarcher
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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
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#27
Is she in therapy? I would strongly encourage her to be in therapy, group therapy too.
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Buffy01
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Buffy01, DechanDawa
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
8 1,043 hugs
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#28
When my friend was young she was very beautiful, like movie star gorgeous. She had long strawberry blond hair, piercing blue eyes, and a graceful figure. She had a lovely devilish sense of fun. She was very creative, and was a painter. So my memories of her kind of cloud my perceptions. Now she is pretty brittle and bitter and nothing makes her happy. It drives me nuts because she has a lot to be happy about. She dwells on the negative all the time. I guess I don't recognize who she has become.
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Buffy01
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Buffy01
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
8 1,043 hugs
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#29
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Buffy01
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Buffy01
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Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2012
Location: Eastern MD
Posts: 1,476
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#30
I have a friend I always vent complaints with regarding meds, MH professionals, etc. She always responds than says "Keep in touch". I can't tell whether it bugs her or if I'm a burden or not.
__________________ I know why you wanna hate me! Cause hate is all the world has seen lately! - Limp Bizkit |
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Buffy01, DechanDawa
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Buffy01, DechanDawa
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
8 1,043 hugs
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#31
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Yes, I completely agree with you. If she doesn't want me in her life, so be it. I also believe you can't push the river. If someone doesn't want to be your friend...you cannot convince them of it. On today of all days I don't want to dwell on negativity but rather stay on a more spiritual plain. __________________ |
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Buffy01, eskielover
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Buffy01
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
8 1,043 hugs
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#32
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Yes, yes, yes. I agree. But we all need to seek out help if possible. __________________ |
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Buffy01
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Buffy01
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
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#33
__________________ Last edited by DechanDawa; Mar 30, 2018 at 01:03 PM.. |
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Buffy01
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Buffy01
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
8 1,043 hugs
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#34
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Does she complain back? Then it becomes like therapy without resolution. Or does she just listen? That is kind of still like therapy without resolution, I guess. I am guilty of same but I try not to do it. __________________ |
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Buffy01
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Buffy01
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
8 1,043 hugs
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#35
It has been soooooooooo helpful to talk this out. For a few days my energy has been stuck. Now I feel a bit free. Thank you, everyone. The situation is sad but I feel more prepared to face it honestly. From discussion here I see that it is a complicated relationship and I should not expect too much from it. It will also be sad to end the friendship after a long life of being friends...but if that is the outcome I will try to accept it.
I think friendship needs respect and I am going to try to remember that above all else. __________________ |
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Buffy01, eskielover
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Buffy01
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
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#36
NEWS FLASH! MY FRIEND JUST RESPONDED TO MY EMAIL.
Did she apologize? Are you kidding? I realized something about her. She NEVER apologizes. She just went on about how dire and bleak her life is. Okay. So I have to accept the fact that she is a dyed-in-the-wool depressive for life. If you gave her a castle she would find it drafty. If you gave her a crown it would be too heavy. If you gave her jewels they would be too sparkly. She needs CBT and some serious cognitive re-structuring...which was my original advice to her. She scoffed at the idea of "self-help" books. Do some people really just want to suffer? She said her husband said she has a martyr complex. I wonder... __________________ Last edited by DechanDawa; Mar 30, 2018 at 11:35 AM.. |
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Buffy01, Fuzzybear, unaluna
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Buffy01
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
8 1,043 hugs
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#37
How infuriating. My friend simply doesn't see a glass half full. She only sees a glass half empty.
She is just an anxious depressive. I don't think I can handle her in my life. But THANK YOU TISH B...because I followed your advice and I am glad I did. My friend and I are again speaking. Thank you, all, for your kind words and advice. But at this time I must keep this friend at arm's length as her "aura" is too toxic for me. __________________ |
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Buffy01, eskielover, Fuzzybear, TishaBuv, unaluna
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Buffy01
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
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#38
Reading (listening)
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Buffy01, DechanDawa
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Buffy01, DechanDawa
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Member
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: ....
Posts: 379
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#39
If you want keep being her friend. You should definitely tell her to get professional help and get her a journal to vent in.
+ I did not read the whole thread |
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Buffy01
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Buffy01, DechanDawa
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 3,815
8 1,043 hugs
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#40
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She doesn't like to write. Would never keep a journal. She doesn't take suggestions easily. That's how this latest argument started...because I made some suggestions like finding a grief counseling center and doing group work because she has complicated grief. I can't serve as her long distance case worker. I have enormous problems of my own. I can only just keep being her friend on whatever level I am able. __________________ |
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Buffy01, eskielover
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Buffy01
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