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Falo
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Default Apr 05, 2018 at 08:26 AM
  #1
I need feedback on constantly needing feedback!

I am an attention seeker and it has been a detriment to my relationships.

I do these little comedy bits and I take over conversations and it makes me fell shallow and I am committed to stopping it. I have committed to this change.

My question:

Should I tell acquaintances what I'm attempting to do, or should I just stop being so attention needy and then field their questions about my behavior change?

Thanks for all help!
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Default Apr 05, 2018 at 08:31 AM
  #2
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Originally Posted by Falo View Post
should I just stop being so attention needy.
<-THIS, they might not even say anything but you would be more pleasant to be with. Bad habits take time to break, you will not change in one day but little by little--you can make improvements.
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Default Apr 05, 2018 at 11:57 AM
  #3
My best friend is an attention seeker as well, she told her long term boyfriend when they met that she needs lots of attention. He knew going in, and she is the one that has opted not to get married. I think telling whomever that you are a person who needs a lot of attention is a good idea.

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Default Apr 05, 2018 at 12:06 PM
  #4
I'd say try to stop this behavior; it can do more damage than good, both to you and your friends. It won't be easy and it will take time, but I think you can do it
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Default Apr 05, 2018 at 06:13 PM
  #5
I would try to stop without drawing attention to it. People will notice even if you don't point it out... and not saying anything gives you breathing space in case it turns out to be hard to keep up with all the time!
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Default Apr 06, 2018 at 06:19 AM
  #6
I am committed to this change, and it is not easy. Old habits.
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Default Apr 06, 2018 at 06:21 AM
  #7
I tried to be more serious at the dog park yesterday and it is amazing how second nature my behavior is. Am wondering if I need a strategy of isolation for a while.
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Default Apr 06, 2018 at 03:36 PM
  #8
Yes, stop. Instead of seeking attention, attend to the foundation of the problem. Why do you need attention all the time? It is likely that you will end up alone if you resume your needy behavior.

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Default Apr 06, 2018 at 07:38 PM
  #9
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Yes, stop. Instead of seeking attention, attend to the foundation of the problem. Why do you need attention all the time? It is likely that you will end up alone if you resume your needy behavior.
Already alone. Thanks.
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Default Apr 11, 2018 at 09:02 AM
  #10
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Already alone. Thanks.
You said you have serious girlfriend?
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Default Apr 11, 2018 at 09:48 AM
  #11
Well, here's a suggestion...back when I was part of a dance company I would be fine for a long time, never get feedback or corrections, the director never had feedback for me, so I would almost get to the point of exploding because I wasn't getting any attention. At one point I did sort of burst from inattention. And we made a deal that a)he wasn't focusing on me because I was doing things right, so he didn't need to correct me and b) if I needed attention I just needed to tell him. So every so often I'd go to the director and say "I need attention. Give me feedback." And he'd tell me what I was doing well or where I could work further to improve, and I stopped being so needy attention wise.

So maybe, you can sort of schedule when you get your attention so you don't feel deprived? Like when you meet with your friend say "Hey, can I talk about me for a few minutes and then I'll shut up?" I've done that before and people are usually like okay sure, and then you get all your stuff out and get your attention and move on...everyone is happy.

Just something that worked for me, as someone who can be starved for attention.

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Default Apr 11, 2018 at 12:58 PM
  #12
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You said you have serious girlfriend?
When I answered that post, I had just had another very bad episode with my gf. I had told her that I was done.

She then called me and we are trying again.

Should I take that reply down?
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Default Apr 11, 2018 at 12:59 PM
  #13
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Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
Well, here's a suggestion...back when I was part of a dance company I would be fine for a long time, never get feedback or corrections, the director never had feedback for me, so I would almost get to the point of exploding because I wasn't getting any attention. At one point I did sort of burst from inattention. And we made a deal that a)he wasn't focusing on me because I was doing things right, so he didn't need to correct me and b) if I needed attention I just needed to tell him. So every so often I'd go to the director and say "I need attention. Give me feedback." And he'd tell me what I was doing well or where I could work further to improve, and I stopped being so needy attention wise.

So maybe, you can sort of schedule when you get your attention so you don't feel deprived? Like when you meet with your friend say "Hey, can I talk about me for a few minutes and then I'll shut up?" I've done that before and people are usually like okay sure, and then you get all your stuff out and get your attention and move on...everyone is happy.

Just something that worked for me, as someone who can be starved for attention.

Seesaw
Thank you. I will work on it.
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Default Apr 11, 2018 at 05:48 PM
  #14
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Originally Posted by Falo View Post
When I answered that post, I had just had another very bad episode with my gf. I had told her that I was done.

She then called me and we are trying again.

Should I take that reply down?
No I just wondered why you feel alone all while having a gf. Does she give you enough attention?
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Default Apr 11, 2018 at 06:54 PM
  #15
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No I just wondered why you feel alone all while having a gf. Does she give you enough attention?
Since we had broken up, I was alone. Now that we're trying again, things seem a little strained and awkward.
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