My nephew unfriended me on Facebook???

s4ndm4n2006 · Apr 09, 2018 at 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by golden_eve

TY, but this is family. Family members in my book do not unfriend each other unless they intend to disown them and never speak with them again OR if that family member did something SO outrageous that it calls for blocking and/or unfriending. I did not deserve this. And I saw him just last week and he acted as though nothing were wrong.

but you underscore my point about the importance of fb friendship. This is YOUR value and expectation, but not necessarily his. Also the obligatory stuff because you're family? Shoot I don't even have fb friendships with my family because you know what? (well when I had fb active) most of my personal **** is none of their business since our values differ and our lifestyles. Thing is, just because I was born to the same parents does not make us compatible people or automatic fb friends for that matter.

If you loosen your rules about this facebook friendship stuff you'll have quite a lot of stress removed from yourlife.

Apr 09, 2018 at 11:16 AM

Facebook is a pretty impersonal way to make contact - especially for important occasions like a birthday. Telling him in person or by phone is a more appropriate way to do so anyway.

I would be uncomfortable being a Facebook friend with a young person - relative or no relative. It feels like such an invasion to me. I have seen things I would much rather not see and I have been the one to do the unfriending. Likewise, he may have been uncomfortable with you seeing his college/university lifestyle. Don't take this as a personal slight. It is probably a good thing you aren't connected on Facebook in the first place.

Finally, please don't take social media so seriously. I can't stress enough that it is not a replacement for direct communication. While Facebook is fun, and a nifty way of being in the loop, it should by no means be a primary source of maintaining contact. So, use the phone. Mail a greeting card. Wish that happy birthday in a way more personal.

Apr 09, 2018 at 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starrysky

Hey Eve, I think...you feel how you feel. I was just giving an alternate perspective. I think you are a compassionate person. Idk. For me, sometimes it help to not personalize. It's hard not to. I hope you get in touch with him!

TY.... an alternate perspective is good!

Apr 09, 2018 at 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Facebook is a pretty impersonal way to make contact - especially for important occasions like a birthday. Telling him in person or by phone is a more appropriate way to do so anyway.

I would be uncomfortable being a Facebook friend with a young person - relative or no relative. It feels like such an invasion to me. I have seen things I would much rather not see and I have been the one to do the unfriending. Likewise, he may have been uncomfortable with you seeing his college/university lifestyle. Don't take this as a personal slight. It is probably a good thing you aren't connected on Facebook in the first place.

Finally, please don't take social media so seriously. I can't stress enough that it is not a replacement for direct communication. While Facebook is fun, and a nifty way of being in the loop, it should by no means be a primary source of maintaining contact. So, use the phone. Mail a greeting card. Wish that happy birthday in a way more personal.

I typically have gone to my nephew's birthday parties. I attended his HS graduation party with my family. He is friends on FB with my sister's best friend even. I don't think it's impersonal at all, especially when accompanied by in person parties with gifts and cards given. this year, I couldn't attend his bday party because I have to unpack since I just moved. He knows why I couldn't make it to the party. It was a brief gathering and not a big deal that I didn't attend. I plan on sending him a card and a gift, but we have always said happy bday on facebook pages.

Apr 09, 2018 at 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

but you underscore my point about the importance of fb friendship. This is YOUR value and expectation, but not necessarily his. Also the obligatory stuff because you're family? Shoot I don't even have fb friendships with my family because you know what? (well when I had fb active) most of my personal **** is none of their business since our values differ and our lifestyles. Thing is, just because I was born to the same parents does not make us compatible people or automatic fb friends for that matter.

If you loosen your rules about this facebook friendship stuff you'll have quite a lot of stress removed from yourlife.

thanks, but politely I disagree. I AM hurt. Unfriending someone on FB is hurtful, especially when it's family. I am puzzled by it and cannot help how i feel. I feel slighted, like it's a big slap in the face. Clearly he doesn't want me messaging him on there.

Apr 09, 2018 at 11:42 AM

My brother blocked me on Facebook. I have no idea why and I just assume it comes down to self care. That's why I unfriend people. If you are upset don't waste time speculating, just ask him. It may not even be what you think it is.

Apr 09, 2018 at 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

My brother blocked me on Facebook. I have no idea why and I just assume it comes down to self care. That's why I unfriend people. If you are upset don't waste time speculating, just ask him. It may not even be what you think it is.

Awwww, that is awful. I am sorry to hear it. Maybe I WILL ask him. I am not sure. I'll think on it. HUGS.

healingme4me · Apr 09, 2018 at 01:43 PM

I like the idea of asking what's up with the unfriending.

So What if you told him to live it up? Can he not just politely say thanks, then add but that's not his lifestyle? It was wishing him well.

divine1966 · Apr 09, 2018 at 02:22 PM

Unfriending sounds upsetting. But I really don’t understand needing to wish happy birthday on Facebook. You can call or text or email or visit or take him out. I don’t understand why happy birthday must be on Facebook? Are you upset that others would notice you didn’t wish him happy birthday or upset you cannot wish it (which is easy to fix outside of Facebook). I just don’t grasp the Facebook issue. Now if he refuses to talk to you in real life, then it’s truly is upsetting.

Apr 09, 2018 at 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I like the idea of asking what's up with the unfriending.

So What if you told him to live it up? Can he not just politely say thanks, then add but that's not his lifestyle? It was wishing him well.

AGREED. TY!

Apr 09, 2018 at 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Unfriending sounds upsetting. But I really don’t understand needing to wish happy birthday on Facebook. You can call or text or email or visit or take him out. I don’t understand why happy birthday must be on Facebook? Are you upset that others would notice you didn’t wish him happy birthday or upset you cannot wish it (which is easy to fix outside of Facebook). I just don’t grasp the Facebook issue. Now if he refuses to talk to you in real life, then it’s truly is upsetting.

Yes unfriending IS upsetting, but you're misunderstanding. I had posted earlier that I missed his bday celebration yesterday with my family. He lives in another state and is long distance. I have never called him ever... we are not super close, we have never hung out together 1:1, so a facebook message and a card/gift in the mail was my approach this year since I missed the celebration. I texted him today instead and he responded. I also use facebook every day... I am on frequently and use it to message people/friends/family members. It is how many people communicate these days.

divine1966 · Apr 09, 2018 at 04:15 PM

I didn’t know that’s how many people communicate these days. Lol just kidding.

It’s just if you two aren’t close and never call each other and likely don’t know much about each other, then I’d personally try to have more closeness with him in real life, and less about Facebook. Maybe I am wrong on this but that’s how I’d approach it. My husband and I just laugh at Facebook escapades-he has some bizarre family members getting into it. Taking it seriously causes people too much drama and chaos and pain.

I am glad he responded via text. So ask him how school is going. My older nephew struggled a bit first year in college (he is a very successful engineer now) so hearing from concerned aunt and maybe some valid advice would be helpful to build up closeness (my older nephew doesn’t listen to advice much- he just would out of politeness, but middle one listens and asks for suggestions). So you never know.

But I digress. Good luck

Open Eyes · Apr 09, 2018 at 04:19 PM

Hmmm, you say nephew so this is a sibling's child? A sibling that married someone like your father possibly who has a problem with boundaries?

Apr 09, 2018 at 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I didn’t know that’s how many people communicate these days. Lol just kidding.

It’s just if you two aren’t close and never call each other and likely don’t know much about each other, then I’d personally try to have more closeness with him in real life, and less about Facebook. Maybe I am wrong on this but that’s how I’d approach it. My husband and I just laugh at Facebook escapades-he has some bizarre family members getting into it. Taking it seriously causes people too much drama and chaos and pain.

I am glad he responded via text. So ask him how school is going. My older nephew struggled a bit first year in college (he is a very successful engineer now) so hearing from concerned aunt and maybe some valid advice would be helpful to build up closeness (my older nephew doesn’t listen to advice much- he just would out of politeness, but middle one listens and asks for suggestions). So you never know.

But I digress. Good luck

LOL. I didn't mean it that way. I do ask him in person how he's doing and how school is, etc. I show that I care and am concerned. Last week I saw him and we talked about him applying to transfer to another school, so we do have conversations. But I can always try to establish more of a connection. Honestly, I've been waiting for all of them to grow up more because they can be very immature boys which is annoying, lol. And thank you for the suggestions.

Apr 09, 2018 at 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Hmmm, you say nephew so this is a sibling's child? A sibling that married someone like your father possibly who has a problem with boundaries?

YES. She married an abusive narcissist who knows no boundaries whatsoever.

Open Eyes · Apr 09, 2018 at 04:33 PM

Well, then your nephew is sensitive and the only thing he knows how to do right now is unfriend anyone that rubs him the wrong way. That's become a trend now with this facebook and the younger generation his age.

It's also important to keep in mind that when someone grows up under the influence of a narcissist, they can learn to use some of the behaviors this narcissistic parent used and narcissists are famous for "cutting people off" when they are not getting their needs met or their self esteem built up. Also, if he is just a freshman in college, he still has some insecure narcissism himself because that simply where his maturity level is at right now at his age.

Apr 09, 2018 at 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Well, then your nephew is sensitive and the only thing he knows how to do right now is unfriend anyone that rubs him the wrong way. That's become a trend now with this facebook and the younger generation his age.

It's also important to keep in mind that when someone grows up under the influence of a narcissist, they can learn to use some of the behaviors this narcissistic parent used and narcissists are famous for "cutting people off" when they are not getting their needs met or their self esteem built up. Also, if he is just a freshman in college, he still has some insecure narcissism himself because that simply where his maturity level is at right now at his age.

Yes, he is sensitive and is probably more messed up than I even know or am aware.

Good points about narcs cutting people out. He very well may mirror some of his dad's behavior! And yes, he is still young.

Crazy Hitch · Apr 09, 2018 at 04:50 PM

Maybe he IS going to party it up but doesn't want family knowing

Shazerac · Apr 09, 2018 at 04:53 PM

Try not to read to much into it. If he’s living with narcissistic parents who knows how he might react to a well meaning message. I agree with those who suggested that you ask him directly. I’m not at all discounting the hurt that you felt by his actions. I would be hurt too. But we all do hurtful things sometimes

Apr 09, 2018 at 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Maybe he IS going to party it up but doesn't want family knowing

Hehe.

My whole entire family is SO down on the party scene that they have completely discouraged him from even venturing down that path. Perhaps he IS and is hiding it as you suggested! Ha -- but it wouldn't explain him unfriending me.

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My nephew unfriended me on Facebook???

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Anonymous50909 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 09, 2018 at 11:42 AM #26 My brother blocked me on Facebook. I have no idea why and I just assume it comes down to self care. That's why I unfriend people. If you are upset don't waste time speculating, just ask him. It may not even be what you think it is.
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healingme4me Perpetually Pondering Community Liaison Member Since Apr 2013 Location: New England Posts: 46,298 (SuperPoster!) 11 4,168 hugs given	Apr 09, 2018 at 01:43 PM #28 I like the idea of asking what's up with the unfriending. So What if you told him to live it up? Can he not just politely say thanks, then add but that's not his lifestyle? It was wishing him well.
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Open Eyes Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Northeast USA Posts: 23,108 (SuperPoster!) 13 21.3k hugs given	Apr 09, 2018 at 04:19 PM #33 Hmmm, you say nephew so this is a sibling's child? A sibling that married someone like your father possibly who has a problem with boundaries?
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Crazy Hitch ɘvlovƎ Member Since Nov 2013 Location: Australia Posts: 18,558 (SuperPoster!) 10 12.6k hugs given	Apr 09, 2018 at 04:50 PM #38 Maybe he IS going to party it up but doesn't want family knowing
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