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Old 04-10-2018, 01:44 PM #1
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Default His mom's own words???

Hello all!

So just wanting to get an outsiders point of view regarding a recent convo I had with my boyfriend's mom.

My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years and we of course have had our ups and downs. But a recent convo with his mom is starting to make me look a things in a new light. So when we went to see her he left for a little bit to get go see his dad...they are divorced but live pretty close to each other. She then decided to tell me about all the money their family has burned trying to help him out...and that the reason why his previous relationship did not work out is because he abused her!

It really has me shook and I don't really know how to handle it. I know if I tell him about it he'll get mad at his mother. I don't want to start any kind of drama but it has me concerned. He does have anger issues..but has never gotten physical with me. It makes sense about the physical abuse in his previous relationship. I've asked him about why a woman that had 2 kids with him would leave him after 5 years and he said that she cheated and then left 😑

So needless to say...I'm worried...
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Old 04-10-2018, 06:17 PM #2
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Default Re: His mom's own words???

I would listen to his mother. If his own mother is warning you...
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Old 04-10-2018, 07:48 PM #3
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Default Re: His mom's own words???

It’s certainly a giant red warning flag... and if you find that you start feeling like you are tiptoeing on eggshells around him—as opposed to the more healthy relationship where each person has respect and care and concern for their partner— that might be another red flag.
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Old 04-10-2018, 08:48 PM #4
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Default Re: His mom's own words???

How well does she generally get along with you?
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Old 04-10-2018, 09:26 PM #5
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Default His mom's own words???

This is very interesting. In these two years, how often did you two see each other? In other words did you see each other enough for you to see any clues of anger, abuse, etc. And additionally how well do you get along with his mother? I would consider what his mother said but also question her intentions.
I am sorry but it seems odd that she waited for him to leave to bad mouth her own son. I am having difficulty understanding why a mother would do that.
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Old 04-10-2018, 09:48 PM #6
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Default Re: His mom's own words???

You need to discuss it with him directly. That's the only way to deal with this. It is a red flag. Either she's telling the truth and he may become abusive OR she's lying and that's what you have to look forward to in a mother-in-law...Neither one sounds very tempting.

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Old 04-10-2018, 11:01 PM #7
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Default Re: His mom's own words???

I agree with the others.

Definite red flag. You need to discuss this with him.
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Old 04-10-2018, 11:38 PM #8
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Default Re: His mom's own words???

I wouldn't say a thing to him, I'd certainly keep a watch on his actions. People like this usually don't change.
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Old 04-11-2018, 12:52 AM #9
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Default Re: His mom's own words???

All of you have mentioned points I've had on my mind. Why would his own mom say things of that nature?? Why would she wait till he leaves?? Why would she tell me now??

He and I have lived together for almost 1 year and have had some pretty heated arguments...but nothing physical. He can be distant sometimes and other times be extremely caring. I just really don't understand in her mind what good it would be to tell me. It's making things wayyy more confusing..and her waiting till he left makes me question everything even more. Would that have set him off?? Does she think she's warning me?? I would asked her more questions at the time but I honestly was quite shocked at what she was telling me and caught off guard. I feel bad because when we left his mom's he did ask what was wrong with me...and I told him "nothing." I really didn't know how to say to him "well your mom just told me you have been wasting their money and your a woman beater" 😰 It baffles me because they both claim to have an "awesome" relationship with each other and he has told me before that if it wasn't for her being there for him he wouldn't know where he'd be...

I care about him deeply and now feel that a bad seed has been planted in my mind. I have anxiety issues and tend to over think things any way.
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Old 04-11-2018, 01:05 AM #10
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Default His mom's own words???

This may sound like an extreme solution but, based on your above response, this is how I would handle it. Talk to the mom and the bf at the same time. explain what she said in-front of him. That should shed light on the true nature of their relationship, his mom’s true intentions, his reaction, etc. And this way, his mom cannot say ‘i said no such thing’
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