What should I do in this situation?

Artchic528 · Apr 10, 2018 at 06:39 PM

Mom came today and got her bike and the rack used to transport bikes that you mount on a vehicle. She bought both with her own money. The thing is, Dad's not going to be happy about it because he and his new lady friend had talked about going bike riding sometime and I think he intended to use the car mounted bike rack and said something about selling Mom's bike.

I know he'll be angry when he gets home. He keeps on saying the same thing when I tell him Mom came and took something of hers. He says "We agreed that she would have everything she wanted out of the house by Nov. 1st of last year.

I don't like being in this situation, and hopefully, with this program I found via my counselor, I can finally get a case worker to help me move out on my own and not have to deal with this shyte anymore.

In the meantime, what should I do?

SorryShaped · Apr 10, 2018 at 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Mom came today and got her bike and the rack used to transport bikes that you mount on a vehicle. She bought both with her own money. The thing is, Dad's not going to be happy about it because he and his new lady friend had talked about going bike riding sometime and I think he intended to use the car mounted bike rack and said something about selling Mom's bike.

I know he'll be angry when he gets home. He keeps on saying the same thing when I tell him Mom came and took something of hers. He says "We agreed that she would have everything she wanted out of the house by Nov. 1st of last year.

I don't like being in this situation, and hopefully, with this program I found via my counselor, I can finally get a case worker to help me move out on my own and not have to deal with this shyte anymore.

In the meantime, what should I do?

Stay out of it. This isn't your business. Let them figure it out. They're supposed to be adults and you aren't a pawn in this game. Don't let them draw you in. If someone says something, say "this has nothing to do with me." And, don't let it become about you.

unaluna · Apr 10, 2018 at 07:00 PM

Yeah, you have to be like Sgt Schultz on Hogans Heroes. Whenever he gets caught in the middle of a scheme, he says, "I know nothing!" Hes not the prettiest role model, but what the hey.

SorryShaped · Apr 10, 2018 at 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Yeah, you have to be like Sgt Schultz on Hogans Heroes. Whenever he gets caught in the middle of a scheme, he says, "I know nothing!" Hes not the prettiest role model, but what the hey.

That is a good answer, I think.

divine1966 · Apr 10, 2018 at 07:15 PM

Stay out of it. You shouldn’t report to either parent. It’s nothing to do with you. I find it a bit out there that dad wants to sell mom’s bike, but again it’s between them two. That’s why I recommend you don’t live with parents in adulthood. Less you know about your parents marriage better you are. Pretend you are busy, have headphones on and don’t hear them when they tell on each other. Don’t tell him when mom comes over etc, if he asks say it’s not your business.

seesaw · Apr 10, 2018 at 09:43 PM

If mom comes and takes something from the home, and dad asks you about it, tell him to ask her. It's between the two of them. You have nothing to do with it.

How is she coming and taking things? Does she have keys still? Are you letting her in? If you are letting her in, then you should stop. If she wants to get something then she needs to communicate with your dad to do so, not go through you.

Seesaw

divine1966 · Apr 10, 2018 at 10:04 PM

Yeah seesaw raises good point how does she come in? If they don’t live together, she can’t just show up without informing him. Ex and I would never just show up to each other house if the other person isn’t aware of it and they shouldn’t put you in a middle. But then again nothing you can do short of not opening the door. You are really put in the middle. I hate when parents do that. Sorry you deal with it

Artchic528 · Apr 10, 2018 at 11:54 PM

She came to take me to the pharmacy to pick up a refill on meds I ordered, and decided to get the bike and rack when she dropped me back off at the house.

I had asked my dad if he could take me, but he was busy with work all evening and couldn't do it, so I told him I'd ask my mom if she could do it instead.

It's not like she came into the house proper at all. She just went into the garage to get her things.

unaluna · Apr 11, 2018 at 12:20 AM

Well, nobody is paying you to be the sheriff. It's not like you are letting complete strangers remove property.

Thats what i would tell your dad. Unless you think its too smart-mouth.

seesaw · Apr 11, 2018 at 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Artchic528

She came to take me to the pharmacy to pick up a refill on meds I ordered, and decided to get the bike and rack when she dropped me back off at the house.

I had asked my dad if he could take me, but he was busy with work all evening and couldn't do it, so I told him I'd ask my mom if she could do it instead.

It's not like she came into the house proper at all. She just went into the garage to get her things.

Yeah, but she doesn't need to come into the house to pick you up. If you know she's not supposed to be in the house, you really shouldn't let her in. And she should have the common sense to do that when your dad is there and not put you in the middle.

I mean, they aren't really her things anymore if they had agreed she would get everything by Nov 1.

So you can stop this but not allowing them to put you in the middle anymore. If she wants to come in and take things, tell her to discuss it with your dad, not to sneak in when he's not there, which is what she did. And tell him he needs to talk to her about it, not you.

Seesaw

Artchic528 · Apr 11, 2018 at 12:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seesaw

Yeah, but she doesn't need to come into the house to pick you up. If you know she's not supposed to be in the house, you really shouldn't let her in. And she should have the common sense to do that when your dad is there and not put you in the middle.

I mean, they aren't really her things anymore if they had agreed she would get everything by Nov 1.

So you can stop this but not allowing them to put you in the middle anymore. If she wants to come in and take things, tell her to discuss it with your dad, not to sneak in when he's not there, which is what she did. And tell him he needs to talk to her about it, not you.

Seesaw

She didn't come into the house to pick me up. I was outside waiting for her when she came. She never stepped foot into the house, just the garage.

divine1966 · 01:58 AM

Garage is part of the house same as porch or patio or deck etc Typically no one wants exes walking uninvited in their garage either. If you don’t think garage is part of the house, then would it be ok for strangers to take stuff from you garage too?

Next time you could wait for mom outside with garage door closed. Why does it even need to be open if you don’t drive?

Yes I imagine dad will be mad about it. Anyone would. But he shouldn’t be mad at you. The only thing you could differently is keep garage door close. Otherwise I don’t see what else you could do if mom just goes in and takes stuff.

Artchic528 · Apr 11, 2018 at 02:32 AM

The garage door was closed until my mom asked for me to open it when she dropped me back off so she could get her bike and rack.

seesaw · Apr 11, 2018 at 03:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Artchic528

The garage door was closed until my mom asked for me to open it when she dropped me back off so she could get her bike and rack.

When you did that for her you put yourself in the middle of their problem. From now on tell her to talk to your dad about retrieving items she wants. And tell him to talk to her. You do nothing. You don't open doors, you don't take things from the house to give them to her, nothing. Of she wants something, she goes through your dad. Not you.

divine1966 · Apr 11, 2018 at 05:18 AM

So she didn’t just noticed something and took it, she requested you assist her in retrieving stuff from the house (which garage is part of).

I am confused on what you are having difficulty with. Are you having difficulty saying no to parents? That I totally understand, not easy.

But you seem having difficulty understanding that it’s just not ok to take things from ex spouse’s place if you don’t live there anymore. You don’t even think taking stuff from garage is the same as taking from the house. I am puzzled. If you ever live independently I worry that people will take advantage of you (roommates, neighbours, housemates etc)

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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,835 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.3k hugs given	Apr 10, 2018 at 07:00 PM #3 Yeah, you have to be like Sgt Schultz on Hogans Heroes. Whenever he gets caught in the middle of a scheme, he says, "I know nothing!" Hes not the prettiest role model, but what the hey.
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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,835 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.3k hugs given	Apr 11, 2018 at 12:20 AM #9 Well, nobody is paying you to be the sheriff. It's not like you are letting complete strangers remove property. Thats what i would tell your dad. Unless you think its too smart-mouth.
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Artchic528 Supreme Artisan Member Since Nov 2014 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 6,618 9 205 hugs given	Apr 11, 2018 at 02:32 AM #13 The garage door was closed until my mom asked for me to open it when she dropped me back off so she could get her bike and rack. __________________ MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!! [UPDATED: 4/30/2017] LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!
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