Opinions on tattoo please

Good morning,

My gf had a great suggestion for a mutual gift. She already had a small tattoo of an eponymous flower and her suggestion was that we each get tattoos that showed our eternal love and commitment. I had already bought her an elaborate diamond ring and I was planning on being with her forever.

I got the tattoo and I am very proud of it. I wanted to show the commitment and it is very cool and it means a lot to me. It includes her name in writing.

I offered to pay for her to just have my name tattooed through or near her existing tattoo.

To date she has not done it. I've asked her why and she has said money or since it's forever she wants to make sure it's something really good.

It's been almost 4 years. It bothers me and I have used it in our arguments. Not nicely, I should add.

I can't let it go.

What do you think?

I don’t have tattoos and wouldn’t get one of my life depended on it. Saying that, it’s ok if other people get tattoos but you can’t expect it from people. She changed her mind. Why, I don’t know.

Tattooing other people’s names on ones body is a tricky thing, as the concept of “forever”. My daughter is a widow, she loved her husband deeply. He passed. She grieved and now is in a new serious relationship. Having her late husband’s name on her body...might not be cool.

I’d hate if my husband had his ex wive’s name on his body. You don’t need a tattoo to show commitment. Now if your gf shows signs of not wanting to commit (not related to tattoos)then there might be more to all this.

You bought a ring and proposed? Did she say yes? Then are you engaged? If not was just a regular ring? Not sure how is purchase of a ring relates to tattoos?

Is this a lady that verbally and physically abuse you? If that’s the one, tattoo or lack of it is the least of the problems here

These are excellent points. I can't say for sure if it is an engagement ring but as far as rings go, it is of that stature. The agreement seems tenuous now.

That's her. And I guess I was just looking for opinions on whether this is also a valid concern or am I nitpicking. Thanks for the reply!

Me and my wife have been together for 13 years and we both got our first tattoo together. I would never get her name tattooed on my body because the way I see it (and I've seen it with a lot of couples) tend to breakup after getting them. May not have any correlation between the two, but I feel that getting each other's names tattooed is a kiss of death. (again, may not be true but it's an assumption I've made after seeing it happen to other).

There could be a lot of reasons she does not want to get a tattoo with your name on it. If I was her and you kept on pushing the issue I wouldn't do it just out of principle. But maybe she sees it as you wanting to brand her and claim her as your own. That's how I would see it. It's like having a permanent engagement ring and a way to tell someone that you are taken by someone else.

But again, there could be lots of reasons as to why she doesn't want to get your name tattooed on her body. To be fair, it is her body, not yours and she is not your property to force her to do so, and if she doesn't want to do it then she doesn't have to. If this is important to you I suggest you sit her down and talk to her about it.

I am not sure what you mean, how do you not know if it’s engagement? If it’s just a ring, it means nothing. I have very expensive jewelry from my ex but we aren’t together and we’re never engaged (although we were together for over 8 years), I still own and wear it, we parted amicably (I left but there was no drama) and I am married to someone else now. It’s jusg jewelry. What I am trying to say is just buying her a ring doesn’t mean anything in terms of commitment

If it's been 4 years, and you have offered to pay for tattooing your name on her body, I am guessing she does not want to do it.


WC

4 yrs is a long time to let something as trivial as a tattoo bother you. It should be clear the decision has been made but by the same token the fact that she's been with you 4 yrs should be a better gauge of her commitment to you than any ink under her skin.

I get what you are saying. It's the broken promise that has bothered me. She always says she's planning on doing it, but just hasn't gotten around to it. I can let it go. It really is trivial.

I will just use the tattoo I got as a reminder of foolish behavior.

The ring came with a poem of heartfelt love and commitment. It was clearly understood as a token of commitment.

We have had very turbulent times since then.

No you aren't nit-picking. This is valid - especially given the length of time involved. I am inclined to wonder how solid this relationship is.

I wonder that too - a lot. But I can't seem to let go.

There is another option .. have your tattoo removed. I find it rather manipulative that it was her idea to get the tatoos. Then you get yours and she won’t get one. Hmmmm....

She is abusive. Her not getting tattoo isn’t an issue in a large scheme of things

I have thought very seriously about this. The tattoo combines some of the aspects that I inherited from my ancestors and more specifically my parents. So I'm thinking of just having her name removed. Thank you for the reply.