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Default Apr 11, 2018 at 10:22 PM
  #1
(In the tune of Maybe ~ Annie)

Someday I'll be fine,
And I won't feel so down,
If only she would still like me.
Someday she'll come back around.

Someday she will care.
I just really hope so.
She would be the same person,
Someone I used to know.

She has hurt me,
Put me through hell.
She walked out on me,
And nothing goes well.
I can't go on.
How could I deal?
Her hatred of me,
Is just too real.

So someday it'll be time,
And when I least expect,
She would give a damn about me,
Someday.

She was real nice.
She was so kind.
Back when she liked me,
Everything was fine.
I yearn so much,
How things used to be.
Her one mistake,
Was turning on me.

So someday when this prayer,
Be answered from above,
She would come back around,
Someday.
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andycole
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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 02:41 AM
  #2
really liked it, you can write a melody with a piano.
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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 08:48 AM
  #3
Is this about your former supervisor at work? While I certainly find art and writing to be therapeutic, I'm not sure it is helpful for you to continue to obsess about her and also to continue to blame your actions and mistakes on her.

I hope you can focus on your healing and changing your behaviors so this situation does not repeat.

Seesaw

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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 09:45 AM
  #4
Yes it’s about her...and everyone else I’ve ever looked up to.
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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 10:03 AM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
Yes it’s about her...and everyone else I’ve ever looked up to.
Writing about it and other art therapy is a good outlet, but please don't use it to overlook or ignore your part in what happened.

Be honest with yourself.

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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 01:09 PM
  #6
Dear Ruby;
I sincerely wished that you would not think that she "Was turning on you". As you may remember, we have had many posts evaluating the factors that contributed to the situation and we had concluded that she had not turned on you nor she had abandoned you... The dynamic of the relationship had changed due to your actions and reactions to her responses.
I used to have the problem of not understanding what others were talking about when they had decided to leave me or cut me out of their lives or put boundaries with me. Since I would not understand, I used to think that they had abandoned me and turned on me; but that usually was not the case. They just could not deal with my obsessive, sensitive, self-centered behavior and more importantly my actions were causing them stress and discomfort. It took me almost a decade of self-analysis and reflection to see my fault in the dynamic.
I sincerely hope that you can come to a point in your recovery at which you will look back and see the dynamic clearly.

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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 01:39 PM
  #7
Another girl just a few years younger than me worked with my supervisor at another fast food joint. She also looked up to her. On her Facebook post, she tagged my supervisor and basically said about the positive influence that boss had on her. Then she went on to say how it isn’t easy working at fast food especially as a general manager but my supervisor did it for so long. She rightfully stated it’s a lot of stress dealing with angry customers and teenage employees and whatever else that comes with that job.

She ended with saying how wonderful that supervisor was and that she love that supervisor and that she’s privileged to know her. My supervisor reacted VERY positively to that post just like she always reacted positively to that young girl.

That girl said she loved that boss but no one accused her of being gay. I never even used that word and everyone STILL accused me of hitting on my supervisor. My job developer’s supervisor sure as hell questioned my sexual orientation. For the millionth time, I’m STRAIGHT!
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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 03:10 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
Another girl just a few years younger than me worked with my supervisor at another fast food joint. She also looked up to her. On her Facebook post, she tagged my supervisor and basically said about the positive influence that boss had on her. Then she went on to say how it isn’t easy working at fast food especially as a general manager but my supervisor did it for so long. She rightfully stated it’s a lot of stress dealing with angry customers and teenage employees and whatever else that comes with that job.

She ended with saying how wonderful that supervisor was and that she love that supervisor and that she’s privileged to know her. My supervisor reacted VERY positively to that post just like she always reacted positively to that young girl.

That girl said she loved that boss but no one accused her of being gay. I never even used that word and everyone STILL accused me of hitting on my supervisor. My job developer’s supervisor sure as hell questioned my sexual orientation. For the millionth time, I’m STRAIGHT!
Tagging a person in a FB post is VERY different than staying late at work just to walk to their car with them or coming in on your day off to talk to this person or eavesdropping on their conversations or changing tables so you can sit next to your boss while she talks to HER boss or calling in on your day off to DEMAND your supervisor wish you a happy birthday. Why can you not see the difference in behavior? One is simply saying thank you. The other is acting in an intrusive and smothering manner.

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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 03:32 PM
  #9
It’s not just that post. That post is simply an indication of everything else that went on between them when they used to work together. When she made that post, it’s already been well over a year since they worked together as my supervisor had already left that fast food joint.

Also, I didn’t demand a happy birthday. I was just asking. It may be a wrong thing to ask, but I didn’t demand.
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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 04:50 PM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
It’s not just that post. That post is simply an indication of everything else that went on between them when they used to work together. When she made that post, it’s already been well over a year since they worked together as my supervisor had already left that fast food joint.

Also, I didn’t demand a happy birthday. I was just asking. It may be a wrong thing to ask, but I didn’t demand.
The way you phrased in your previous thread, it sounded pretty demanding. You found out she wished someone else a happy birthday and called and told them she had to wish you a happy birthday too. You felt she should be required to, since she did it for someone else. The way you phrased it was a demand, not a request. This is why you need to look at your behavior. You do not understand that requesting to be wished a happy birthday by your supervisor is inappropriate.

I'm not sure why it matters that this other person works with her still or worked with her before. The point is that she did not alienate the supervisor. So they were able to continue to have a professional relationship. You were unable to observe boundaries; therefore, the supervisor was forced to stop all contact with you.

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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 08:15 PM
  #11
I'm scared that whoever else I look up to in the future will also turn on me. Everyone I ever looked up to (without exception) has already rejected me. Oh well, at least they all used to like me. That's a plus.
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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 08:23 PM
  #12
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
I'm scared that whoever else I look up to in the future will also turn on me. Everyone I ever looked up to (without exception) has already rejected me. Oh well, at least they all used to like me. That's a plus.
If you change your behavior then this should not continue to happen.

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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Default Apr 13, 2018 at 11:47 AM
  #13
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
I'm scared that whoever else I look up to in the future will also turn on me. Everyone I ever looked up to (without exception) has already rejected me. Oh well, at least they all used to like me. That's a plus.
Change the way YOU ACT when you look up to someone & this won't happen again. If you continue to behave toward people you "look up to" the same way you have BEHAVED in the past, the results will be exactly the same. YOU are the one that has to change if you expect the future to be different than the past.. YOUR BEHAVIOR is the common denominator between all the past ways you have been treated.

Until you are willing to understand YOUR RESPONSIBILITY in those situations this will continue on through your life because you blame everyone else withput taking YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY for what has happened to you.

You said in past posts that your parents let yiu get awsy with whatever you wanted....SOCIETY doesn't do that & shouldn't do that. People need to learn to be responsible for how they interface with others. This is something you NEED TO LEARN. You are no longer that child whose parents let you do whatever you felt like doing....time to become RESPONSIBLE for your behaviors no matter how difficult it is to do with ASD.

I understand it is difficult as I lived around a dad & a husband both with ASD for a total of 54 years of my life before I left for my OWN well being & mental health. I also see how my H's refusal to learn has destroyed his life & is abiut to end up homeless because of it & hurt me badly financially. Behaviors like thst are NOT acceptable in society just because he will not learn unless someone forces him to behave in an acceptable way. I am no longer there to force anything & he is on his own to mess up his life or not based in the choices & behaviors he chooses. Don't let it get to that point in your life....LEARN NOW before it gets worse.....& stop blaming others for behavior choices yiu have made & the consequences that come from them

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