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Old 04-16-2018, 10:16 AM #1
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Default Wife goes on 10 day Vacation With Sisters

I am really struggling with my choosing to go on a vacation with her sisters for 10 days. I am currently laid off from my job and we are struggling to pay our bills. Here brother-in- law decided to buy all the sisters a 10 day trip to Hawaii for his wife (my wife's sister) 40th birthday.

I feel this was extreme and my wife should not have taken a week off of work (with pay). Left me with the entire family and goes and vacations when we are in this turbulent situation.
I expressed how I felt but she still left and said it is paid for. I feel that she should of stayed or the 40th birthday party should be as extreme to ask to leave for 10 days. Am I wrong to feel hurt, depressed, and think that she should not have gone?
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Old 04-16-2018, 11:25 AM #2
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Default Re: Wife goes on 10 day Vacation With Sisters

Welcome to psych central it’s not “wrong” to feel what you feel. Feelings are feelings. Maybe the timing is bad for you and you are left holding down the fort while your wife is on vacation. I would probably be envious and hurt if this happened to me. However, it is a paid vacation for her. That’s an opportunity that probably doesn’t come around often.
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Old 04-16-2018, 03:04 PM #3
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Default Re: Wife goes on 10 day Vacation With Sisters

Quote:
Originally Posted by antsk View Post
I am really struggling with my choosing to go on a vacation with her sisters for 10 days. I am currently laid off from my job and we are struggling to pay our bills. Here brother-in- law decided to buy all the sisters a 10 day trip to Hawaii for his wife (my wife's sister) 40th birthday.

I feel this was extreme and my wife should not have taken a week off of work (with pay). Left me with the entire family and goes and vacations when we are in this turbulent situation.
I expressed how I felt but she still left and said it is paid for. I feel that she should of stayed or the 40th birthday party should be as extreme to ask to leave for 10 days. Am I wrong to feel hurt, depressed, and think that she should not have gone?
I would use that hurtful energy to seek a better job for myself. I would use every minute of that time she is on vacation to improve myself. Do the things that you like to do for yourself or just relax.
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Old 04-16-2018, 03:31 PM #4
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Default Re: Wife goes on 10 day Vacation With Sisters

Hi and welcome

May I ask exactly what you find so wrong about her going on vacation?

I doubt your feelings are related to finances as the trip is all expenses paid and her time off work is paid as well.


So I am just wondering wherein lies the problem as you see it?

If you don’t mind I will help brain storm... ( Something I do personally when unsure of the root of an emotion)


• Do you feel incapable of running the household without her for a few days?

• Do you feel upset that she’s out to have a good time while you’re stressed out about finding a new job?

• Do you feel insecure or jealous that she will be gone without you?

• Do you not trust her to go away for a few days?

• Would you prefer she miss her sister’s birthday and wallow at home, miserable with you instead? (Like a “good” souse should)


My apologies if my train of thought seems invasive or insensitive, just trying to help you get to a starting point, so you can address the actual problem.

Personally I don’t see the problem here. I would be happy for a loved one if they had such an opportunity, and the fact that it’s a special celebration would mean I wouldn’t even dream of asking them to decline it for me. I would encourage them to go, even if it meant feeling a bit lonely for a while during a difficult time.

Buuuut that’s just me, I’m not trying to tell you how to feel or think. Just sharing my perspective.
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Old 04-16-2018, 04:13 PM #5
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Default Re: Wife goes on 10 day Vacation With Sisters

The whole situation is difficult. We are currently facing extreme financial hardship and raising 4 kids. I just feel as I am sitting here with utility cut off notices trying to find ways to stop them from being shut off and she is on vacation. I just feel the focus should be on finding solutions to the major financial hardship we are faced with.
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Old 04-16-2018, 04:42 PM #6
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Default Re: Wife goes on 10 day Vacation With Sisters

If trip was paid and her vacation days are paid I don’t know why is it a problem that she went on vacation? Maybe I am not understanding the issue.

Most certainly you aren’t wrong about your feelings, feelings aren’t right or wrong, but I don’t think you could expect her to not go. Unless you two have newborn infants at home.

Are you looking for a new job? Are you seeing a therapist?
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Old 04-16-2018, 05:22 PM #7
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Default Re: Wife goes on 10 day Vacation With Sisters

I know it I had the chance to go on a paid for trip with my 6 sisters my spouse would be carrying my bag to the car and wishing me well.

Feelings aren't necessarily wrong or right; they are just feelings. Is there something else going on? Is a week too long? Will you not function well without her? Maybe the thought of keeping the household running is daunting. When my mom got sick and I had to keep all the balls in the air it was pretty stressful at times because I knew her condition would not improve.

Who knows it's sometimes healthy to spend a little time a part. It can be positive for a relationship. Since she has made the decision to go try and find the positives in this for you and your relationship.
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Old 04-17-2018, 01:25 AM #8
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Default Re: Wife goes on 10 day Vacation With Sisters

I just feel that my water might get shut off tomorrow because of me being laid off and I am trying to find a way to stop it so my kids can shower she is on vacation. It is tough none of us asked for me to be laid off. It isnt her fault or mine. But I fell she is on vacation and Im here trying to tell my kids we might not have water tomorrow.
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Old 04-17-2018, 09:46 AM #9
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Default Re: Wife goes on 10 day Vacation With Sisters

Was she aware of the termination notice before she left?
Would her being there have made a financial difference?
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Old 04-17-2018, 10:41 AM #10
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Default Re: Wife goes on 10 day Vacation With Sisters

yes she was aware of the notice before she left.
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