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Old 04-18-2018, 07:06 AM #11
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Default Re: Bugging my stepdad to finish a project

I don't think it's rude to ask about your flute
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Old 04-18-2018, 07:08 AM #12
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Default Re: Bugging my stepdad to finish a project

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3 View Post
If you start to call regularly, be careful not to make it so that they actually benefit from keeping the flute.

I wonder if humor could help, funny emails, gifs?
I call and visit pretty regularly. And he and I text funny GIFs pretty regularly, so it's not like I don't talk to them. I mean, I just spent a month with them in Feb/March...they see me more than they'd like to, I bet.

Maybe I should threaten to visit until he's done repairing it!
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Old 04-18-2018, 07:10 AM #13
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Default Re: Bugging my stepdad to finish a project

Thanks all for the feedback. I guess the background here is that they have been very supportive of me. My mom and I, up until 2015, hadn't spoke in about 4 years because of an incident. They have been very supportive of me since I have been struggling with PTSD, depression, and GAD, and even helped me out financially, loaning me some money (which I paid back already) while I was out of work this fall.

So I guess I just don't want to see ungrateful that he's doing this for me. But yeah, it's gone on too long.

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Old 04-18-2018, 07:34 AM #14
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Default Re: Bugging my stepdad to finish a project

I'd ask again, I mean it's your flute. Just see if you can find a nice way to phrase it.
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Old 04-18-2018, 09:05 AM #15
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Default Re: Bugging my stepdad to finish a project

Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
Thanks all for the feedback. I guess the background here is that they have been very supportive of me. My mom and I, up until 2015, hadn't spoke in about 4 years because of an incident. They have been very supportive of me since I have been struggling with PTSD, depression, and GAD, and even helped me out financially, loaning me some money (which I paid back already) while I was out of work this fall.

So I guess I just don't want to see ungrateful that he's doing this for me. But yeah, it's gone on too long.

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It sounds like they've done a lot for you but I may be saying something you don't like here. It's a tendency with people that support us that we feel obligated to accept things more so when they have gone out of their way for us or helped us in some ways. Some of this is natural and normal and even deserved (by the people that have supported us) but sometimes and I fear it may be the case here, we feel overly obligated to them and even afraid to say or do anything that might deem us "ungrateful". They helped you, sure and I know you actually are grateful. Hopefully they already know this but be careful of putting them on a pedestal and being worried about saying anything that might imply they dont' actually do EVERYTHING right. I say this coming from a place of having done the same things with my family in the past. Their good points should not make them immune from having faults.


Your father with good intentions has promised to do something for you but at the same time has not made it a priority of his. That kind of gives me mixed feelings about the whole deal. after 3 yrs the fix that I'm sure would take just several hours to do kind of doesn't seem very important to him.


You can be assertive (lol coming from me you should chuckle) and be respectful at the same time. Tell him the truth and ask for it back .. you've already offered to pay for the work. There is some credence to the idea of being the squeaky wheel too... just a thought.
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Old 04-18-2018, 09:15 AM #16
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Default Re: Bugging my stepdad to finish a project

Maybe you could just go get the flute? Iím kind of surprised you didnít do that when you visited them. I donít think itís rude to want your flute back.
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Old 04-18-2018, 12:36 PM #17
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Default Re: Bugging my stepdad to finish a project

Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
It sounds like they've done a lot for you but I may be saying something you don't like here. It's a tendency with people that support us that we feel obligated to accept things more so when they have gone out of their way for us or helped us in some ways. Some of this is natural and normal and even deserved (by the people that have supported us) but sometimes and I fear it may be the case here, we feel overly obligated to them and even afraid to say or do anything that might deem us "ungrateful". They helped you, sure and I know you actually are grateful. Hopefully they already know this but be careful of putting them on a pedestal and being worried about saying anything that might imply they dont' actually do EVERYTHING right. I say this coming from a place of having done the same things with my family in the past. Their good points should not make them immune from having faults.


Your father with good intentions has promised to do something for you but at the same time has not made it a priority of his. That kind of gives me mixed feelings about the whole deal. after 3 yrs the fix that I'm sure would take just several hours to do kind of doesn't seem very important to him.


You can be assertive (lol coming from me you should chuckle) and be respectful at the same time. Tell him the truth and ask for it back .. you've already offered to pay for the work. There is some credence to the idea of being the squeaky wheel too... just a thought.
Yes, you are completely right.

But apparently this conversation is now moot. Today, before I even did anything to remind him, he texted me pics of him working on the repairs and it should only take him a few hours. So clearly he prioritized it and realized it had been a while.

I'll casually mention it in my next call just as a reminder, but it looks like maybe I was just being overly-sensitive.

Seesaw
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Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

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Old 04-18-2018, 12:37 PM #18
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Default Re: Bugging my stepdad to finish a project

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shazerac View Post
Maybe you could just go get the flute? Iím kind of surprised you didnít do that when you visited them. I donít think itís rude to want your flute back.
Yeah, I know, I don't know why I didn't either. I guess I just didn't think of it at the time.
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Old 04-18-2018, 12:44 PM #19
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Default Re: Bugging my stepdad to finish a project

Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
Yes, you are completely right.

But apparently this conversation is now moot. Today, before I even did anything to remind him, he texted me pics of him working on the repairs and it should only take him a few hours. So clearly he prioritized it and realized it had been a while.

I'll casually mention it in my next call just as a reminder, but it looks like maybe I was just being overly-sensitive.

Seesaw
well I'm glad he's doing something now and that's all it took was your last conversation. I still dont' think you were being too sensitive because up to now it really was a pretty long time. I'm happy and hope he finishes it soon
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Old 04-18-2018, 12:57 PM #20
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Default Re: Bugging my stepdad to finish a project

I think that, given the length of time you have waited, you are not being overly sensitive at all.

I am glad that he is moving forward now!
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