[carcrashonrepeat]

Today was a bad day for me. I've been working for the past five days that has disrupted my sleep and leaves me not eating as much as I should. It's particularly stressful because I'm running out of money. Anyway, today is my day off and I think the job triggers manic symptoms to the point where today I'm severely depressed. I was nervous about asking my client to pay me sooner than normal because I ran out of money (which I knew she would be happy to do, but still made me nervous). It's drab outside, which never helps. I'm used to this by now and I distract myself with drawing.

My mom came in from church today and remarked about my eyes being red. I hadn't been crying, but I wanted to, and the very mention of it made the tears run. She told me not to be depressed. I told her it's not a choice. She asked what I was thinking and I told her it was none of her business. I didn't mean to respond that way. Between suffering from intrusive thoughts and a racing mind, it's too difficult to answer that question. I can't think happy thoughts, that's not the problem. Then she laid her hands upon me. As soon as she did I told her not to pray for me. It's not fair to me (I'm not a Christian) and I don't like it. She wiped the tears from my eyes with her hand. I was already irritable and just fussed out of her embrace.

It sucks having this mental illness because it makes me feel imprisoned most of the time, and completely numb. At the same time, I don't need someone ****ing praying over me.

I could've reacted differently but I'm in such a ****** mood I don't care.

Anyone have this happen to them? How did you respond?

[Deejay14]

It's your mom. She saw hurting and tried to help you the best way she knew how to.

[Loose Screw x 2]

As someone who has turned from Christianity and has hard feelings toward God as well as a misotheist alter and an atheist alter I do not like to be prayed for either and I can tell when people are praying for me because of the effects of the prayers that urge me to go back to living righteously which is something I no longer wish to do.
So, I sort of understand how you must feel.

[seesaw]

I think it's okay to be uncomfortable with your mom's response. And I also think it's better to acknowledge when people want to help but be kind in your refusal of that help. I don't know how your response was framed. Or what her tone of voice or behavior was like. You're absolutely allowed to feel how you feel and also not feel obliged to allow others to pray for you if you don't want that. If they really need to pray for you they can do it privately. Isn't prayer supposed to be private anyhow? I seem to recall a few verses about Jesus praying alone so as to not be prideful.

I think it's important to be respectful of those who are wanting to help, even if you do not want their help. If you say thank you but I just need to deal with this on my own right now, and they won't leave you alone, however, I think you can be more firm and ask them outright to leave you be.

Some people don't get the hint and you have to be blunt with them.

Seesaw

[healingme4me]

Maybe when you are in a bit of a better place, assert yourself with your mom.

How to answer the question? I think it's reasonable to say along the lines of you're not ready to talk at the moment. And that you respect her need to pray but need to not hear about prayer right now.

I am noticing a shift regarding depression and mi within 2 of the churches that I am familiar with in my area to understanding and recognizing that there are these are things that require medicine and therapy and an openingness and willingness to not pander.

I'm glad to see posted here about pride where prayer is concerned.

[Artchic528]

I am spiritual, but not religious. So, in lieu of a prayer, I shall offer my hugs.

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by Deejay14

It's your mom. She saw hurting and tried to help you the best way she knew how to.

Yeah, I know she's my mother. I know it was her way of helping. I just don't believe I should sit there and feel awkward and uncomfortable when I want/deserve to be left alone.

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by Loose Screw x 2

As someone who has turned from Christianity and has hard feelings toward God as well as a misotheist alter and an atheist alter I do not like to be prayed for either and I can tell when people are praying for me because of the effects of the prayers that urge me to go back to living righteously which is something I no longer wish to do.
So, I sort of understand how you must feel.

That's interesting. For me, there's a part of me that does not want to believe in God. Or maybe I don't really believe in God. I don't know. Another part of me yearns to be part of that kind of community, not Christian specifically. And yet there's an overwhelmingly violent resistance to it.

My mom went to a spiritual retreat this past weekend. She showed me pictures and it looked like she was having a good time. I was simultaneously envious and apathetic. It leaves me feeling numb.

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by seesaw

I think it's okay to be uncomfortable with your mom's response. And I also think it's better to acknowledge when people want to help but be kind in your refusal of that help. I don't know how your response was framed. Or what her tone of voice or behavior was like. You're absolutely allowed to feel how you feel and also not feel obliged to allow others to pray for you if you don't want that. If they really need to pray for you they can do it privately. Isn't prayer supposed to be private anyhow? I seem to recall a few verses about Jesus praying alone so as to not be prideful.

I think it's important to be respectful of those who are wanting to help, even if you do not want their help. If you say thank you but I just need to deal with this on my own right now, and they won't leave you alone, however, I think you can be more firm and ask them outright to leave you be.

Some people don't get the hint and you have to be blunt with them.

Seesaw

I speak in a matter-of-fact tone. My mom's used to it. I could've been more polite. I was just so in the thick of it that I get stubborn and can't convey how I'm feeling, which is violated among other things.

Later I did apologize and said I was stressed. She accepted it and we had dinner together. She's aware of what I'm going through so she knows not to take it too personally. Normally she gives me space. I end up feeling like a basketcase because on the one hand I appreciate her being supportive and on the other hand I feel undeserving and would rather be alone.

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Maybe when you are in a bit of a better place, assert yourself with your mom.

How to answer the question? I think it's reasonable to say along the lines of you're not ready to talk at the moment. And that you respect her need to pray but need to not hear about prayer right now.

I am noticing a shift regarding depression and mi within 2 of the churches that I am familiar with in my area to understanding and recognizing that there are these are things that require medicine and therapy and an openingness and willingness to not pander.

I'm glad to see posted here about pride where prayer is concerned.

I did, thanks. I'll try to remember this for next time.

I don't know about her church. She's episcopalian (I think?) and they mostly bless those with physical ailments. She doesn't share what I'm going through with others, I think.

This is also where my resistance might lie. I'm afraid that she is so fully gives her faith over that she neglects to actually learn more about what I'm going through or use therapy herself, which I've written about in previous posts. It makes me feel alone. At the same time, it's her decision and she is ridiculously supportive in other ways. So I just might be complaining when I shouldn.t.

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by carcrashonrepeat

Yeah, I know she's my mother. I know it was her way of helping. I just don't believe I should sit there and feel awkward and uncomfortable when I want/deserve to be left alone.

Just a thought....Maybe you could just come out and tell her that. “ mom I know you care, but I don’t want to be prayed over, I just want to be left alone.” You don’t have to just sit there and be uncomfortable. You’re right about that.

[Shazerac]

I don’t like to be prayed over. It always feels kind of condescending. I do pray occasionally, but it’s a private conversation between myself and the cosmos. I absolutely hate it when someone greats me or ends a conversation with “blessed be.” When did that come into vogue? It really sets my teeth on edge.

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

Just a thought....Maybe you could just come out and tell her that. “ mom I know you care, but I don’t want to be prayed over, I just want to be left alone.” You don’t have to just sit there and be uncomfortable. You’re right about that.

Oh in the OP I mentioned that I did tell my mom to not pray for me. I don't like it and it feels unfair to do. She's done it once before without saying anything to me, which prompted me to respond this time around.

Originally Posted by Shazerac

I don’t like to be prayed over. It always feels kind of condescending. I do pray occasionally, but it’s a private conversation between myself and the cosmos. I absolutely hate it when someone greats me or ends a conversation with “blessed be.” When did that come into vogue? It really sets my teeth on edge.

Ugh. There's an air of smugness (depending on who says it anyway) and feels impersonal.

Whenever it comes to spiritual/religious matters, I don't mind being invited or asked to participate or engage in an activity because I feel like my thoughts and feelings are being considered to an extent. When it just happens without me, then it's straight-up nonconsensual and I feel like I've lost my own power in the exchange. And if I refuse, then it must be me that's the problem.

Also I am reluctant for people to pray on my mental illness. It's part of my life. I don't need to be fixed or cured of anything.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by carcrashonrepeat

Oh in the OP I mentioned that I did tell my mom to not pray for me. I don't like it and it feels unfair to do. She's done it once before without saying anything to me, which prompted me to respond this time around.


Ugh. There's an air of smugness (depending on who says it anyway) and feels impersonal.

Whenever it comes to spiritual/religious matters, I don't mind being invited or asked to participate or engage in an activity because I feel like my thoughts and feelings are being considered to an extent. When it just happens without me, then it's straight-up nonconsensual and I feel like I've lost my own power in the exchange. And if I refuse, then it must be me that's the problem.

Also I am reluctant for people to pray on my mental illness. It's part of my life. I don't need to be fixed or cured of anything.

I don't mind people praying for me privately if they wish to do so. It's no different to me than if someone said "I've been thinking about you and sending you good thoughts. " since I believe in the power of positive thinking, good thoughts don't bother me.

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by seesaw

I don't mind people praying for me privately if they wish to do so. It's no different to me than if someone said "I've been thinking about you and sending you good thoughts. " since I believe in the power of positive thinking, good thoughts don't bother me.

I don't mind if someone prays for me privately. Sometimes, however, I find good thoughts and prayers aren't the same thing because of the religious context of the latter.

[K12PCB]

Prayer helps nobody but the one doing it.
My family are all staunch Christian and it pisses me off no end that this is all they do.
In your situation you needed connection and empathy, someone to listen and understand, instead she didn’t engage anything of herself and instead implored her mythical sky zombie to do it for you. That’s why I get upset and I think maybe why you do too.
Engage with me don’t deflect it on someone else ( in this case “god”) because the natural conclusion is that if you do that you don’t care enough, it’s superficial.