FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,345
(SuperPoster!)
10 1,262 hugs
given |
#1
So three years ago I asked my stepdad to ship my flute to me so I could start playing again. He said sure but that he wanted to give it an overhaul first (he repairs instruments). So three years later, yeah, no flute.
I bugged him about it a month ago and said I'd be happy to pay to finish the overhaul but I really want it already. He said he'd work on it. I texted him today to ask and offer again to pay to get it done since I know paying work takes precedence. He said he'd have it done in two weeks. I don't want to appear ungrateful, but I just want the flute back. I'm not.mad at him for not getting to it. I appreciate him.trying, but it's gone on too long now. And he's busy, I get it. What do I say to just finish this business and get him to send it? Btw he has ADD, which sometimes gets in the way of him completing projects. Seesaw __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
Reply With Quote |
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 46,298
(SuperPoster!)
11 4,168 hugs
given |
#2
Maybe a phone call? Telling him how much you appreciate his talents and generousity in helping? But it's a bit of an urgent nature to get it returned?
|
Reply With Quote |
seesaw
|
Legendary
Community Liaison
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 12,735
(SuperPoster!)
7 70.9k hugs
given |
#3
I would also call him, often. I'd call him 3 times a week until the flute is in my hand. I'd be nice about it; yet, persistent.
WC __________________ May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. |
Reply With Quote |
Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,345
(SuperPoster!)
10 1,262 hugs
given |
#4
Well, that seems a little much, WC. I will mention it when I call them as I do every week and ask for an update though.
I mean, I'm not being rude in asking him about it, am I? __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
Reply With Quote |
Wild Coyote
|
Wild Coyote
|
Member
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 162
6 113 hugs
given |
#5
Quote:
Maybe if you give him a gentle deadline. Like, "Hey, can you ship the flute back to me by the end of this week? Is Friday good? I'll give you a call to remind you the morning of." You can even pay him back for tracking if that helps to imply that you're expecting it at a certain time. __________________ My heart is down on its knees And no one is hearing screaming There's always something that's pulling me down, down, down And this is nothing new... - Phantogram Diagnosed Celiac Disease 2010 |
|
Reply With Quote |
Wild Coyote
|
seesaw
|
Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,052
9 183 hugs
given |
#6
I understand appreciating the gesture, but when someone promises to fix something all on their own and 3 yrs later it's not done is in a way, a broken promise. your impatience at this point isn't even unreasonable.
|
Reply With Quote |
seesaw
|
Legendary
Community Liaison
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 12,735
(SuperPoster!)
7 70.9k hugs
given |
#7
Quote:
I had thought he was having troubles remembering to finish it. My parents would love to get a call from me 3x week. I definitely wasn't talking about being aggressive or rude... just not my style to pursue anything in that vein. WC __________________ May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,052
9 183 hugs
given |
#8
I would honestly say no.. because of the length of time, you're not being rude at all. in fact me, I'd just say send it now please. don't fix it. it's fine.
|
Reply With Quote |
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 46,298
(SuperPoster!)
11 4,168 hugs
given |
#9
Nope, not rude at all. His hesitation at this point is slightly concerning to me, but your request is certainly not rude.
|
Reply With Quote |
Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,924
15 24.1k hugs
given |
#10
If you start to call regularly, be careful not to make it so that they actually benefit from keeping the flute.
I wonder if humor could help, funny emails, gifs? |
Reply With Quote |
Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: Dresser Wisconsin
Posts: 1,230
8 1,026 hugs
given |
#11
I don't think it's rude to ask about your flute
__________________ 🐻 |
Reply With Quote |
seesaw
|
Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,345
(SuperPoster!)
10 1,262 hugs
given |
#12
Quote:
Maybe I should threaten to visit until he's done repairing it! __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
|
Reply With Quote |
Bill3, Wild Coyote
|
Wild Coyote
|
Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,345
(SuperPoster!)
10 1,262 hugs
given |
#13
Thanks all for the feedback. I guess the background here is that they have been very supportive of me. My mom and I, up until 2015, hadn't spoke in about 4 years because of an incident. They have been very supportive of me since I have been struggling with PTSD, depression, and GAD, and even helped me out financially, loaning me some money (which I paid back already) while I was out of work this fall.
So I guess I just don't want to see ungrateful that he's doing this for me. But yeah, it's gone on too long. Seesaw __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
Reply With Quote |
Wild Coyote
|
Wild Coyote
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Somewhere in South America
Posts: 2,216
8 1,039 hugs
given |
#14
I'd ask again, I mean it's your flute. Just see if you can find a nice way to phrase it.
|
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,052
9 183 hugs
given |
#15
Quote:
It sounds like they've done a lot for you but I may be saying something you don't like here. It's a tendency with people that support us that we feel obligated to accept things more so when they have gone out of their way for us or helped us in some ways. Some of this is natural and normal and even deserved (by the people that have supported us) but sometimes and I fear it may be the case here, we feel overly obligated to them and even afraid to say or do anything that might deem us "ungrateful". They helped you, sure and I know you actually are grateful. Hopefully they already know this but be careful of putting them on a pedestal and being worried about saying anything that might imply they dont' actually do EVERYTHING right. I say this coming from a place of having done the same things with my family in the past. Their good points should not make them immune from having faults. Your father with good intentions has promised to do something for you but at the same time has not made it a priority of his. That kind of gives me mixed feelings about the whole deal. after 3 yrs the fix that I'm sure would take just several hours to do kind of doesn't seem very important to him. You can be assertive (lol coming from me you should chuckle) and be respectful at the same time. Tell him the truth and ask for it back .. you've already offered to pay for the work. There is some credence to the idea of being the squeaky wheel too... just a thought. |
|
Reply With Quote |
seesaw
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since May 2015
Location: earth
Posts: 3,029
8 1,884 hugs
given |
#16
Maybe you could just go get the flute? I’m kind of surprised you didn’t do that when you visited them. I don’t think it’s rude to want your flute back.
__________________ Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg |
Reply With Quote |
unaluna
|
Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,345
(SuperPoster!)
10 1,262 hugs
given |
#17
Quote:
But apparently this conversation is now moot. Today, before I even did anything to remind him, he texted me pics of him working on the repairs and it should only take him a few hours. So clearly he prioritized it and realized it had been a while. I'll casually mention it in my next call just as a reminder, but it looks like maybe I was just being overly-sensitive. Seesaw __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
|
Reply With Quote |
unaluna, Wild Coyote
|
Bill3, healingme4me, Wild Coyote
|
Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,345
(SuperPoster!)
10 1,262 hugs
given |
#18
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
Reply With Quote |
Wild Coyote
|
Wild Coyote
|
Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,052
9 183 hugs
given |
#19
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,924
15 24.1k hugs
given |
#20
I think that, given the length of time you have waited, you are not being overly sensitive at all.
I am glad that he is moving forward now! |
Reply With Quote |
Reply |
|