Does this sound as if they don't want to see me? - Page 2 - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 05-01-2018, 03:38 PM #11
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Heart Re: Does this sound as if they don't want to see me?

You are not "wrong" to ignore them.

At the same time, I'd suggest you follow your own heart in this matter.

For example, I've had a very, very rude sister. She has behaved in ways, for many years now (20+), in which everyone would understand if I turned my back on her. Yet, I have wanted to try to keep an open heart toward her, despite the nonsense, the direct attacks, the rudeness. Why? I'd wanted to remain somewhat open to her should she someday see the errors of her ways, should she grow as a person, etc. I did not let her treat me badly any more, at a certain point, and in time, she'd shifted in how she relates to me. We now meet for dinner now and then. I see more of her children, too. There has been some degree of "healing," when nobody thought it was possible because there was so much water under that bridge! We may never be best friends; yet, we can talk to one another and can attend the same holiday celebrations with family, etc. It's a healing for the entire family.

There were definitely times when I could list pages and pages of affronts, grievances, heartbreaks involving her behaviors toward me. There were also times when I'd felt it quite likely there would never be any degree of reconciliation. I was, often, close to giving up on there ever being any degree of healing within that relationship. How does one heal a relationship when one is the only one willing to communicate, etc?

In time, though, things have shifted some. We can visit and she has decided to be civil, while knowing I will walk away from a conversation if she isn't civil/kind. (I will walk away from the conversation, but not from her as in permanently walking away.)

Many, many people had counseled me to give up on her. While I know I've had every right to do so, I'd left a window open, just incase. I was not reciprocating her behaviors, I was not acting as advised by others, I was/am following my own heart.

I am advising you to follow your heart, while also being realistic.
This can be a tough balance to achieve and can leave you open to further hurting. It's all about perspective.

For instance, I would continue to send cards to my grandmother no matter what had happened. I love her unconditionally, even when I am disappointed. This is also how I'd dealt with my sisters during the years she would deny my existence, refuse to acknowledge me/my efforts, etc. In my heart, I loved her anyway. Yet, that's just me.

You have plenty of reasons to give up on your family!

Give up when YOUR own heart gives up on them. Stop loving them when you've truly stop loving them. Act like you don't care anymore, only when you've truly given up. Be yourself, don't let others' behaviors determine your behaviors, especially as "reactions" to their behaviors.

Can old dogs learn new tricks? Yes. Are they highly motivated to do so? Not so much, but it is still "possible."

May you find health and Peace in your decisions.


WC
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Old 05-01-2018, 09:14 PM #12
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Default Re: Does this sound as if they don't want to see me?

You don't need family like that. Friends can be more family than actual family
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Does this sound as if they don't want to see me?



Leo's favorite place was riding shot gun in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
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