I may meet a man this week

I’m thinking the same. It sounds like there is still communicating between you two, so I wanted to throw my two cents in.

Also, some people enjoy the thrill of the chase so it’s possible he’s doing that...there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but if it’s leaving you hurt/confused...that may be a sign that they are manipulating you simply for their own pleasure at your expense. I don’t know if that’s the case, but sending positivity your way.

He and I are still chatting online. We are doing fine again. I realized he may not understand my long-winded text messages and am giving him time to read them and understand them. He is still caring and told me to watch out for the typhoon today. I do like him much and don't think my bad situation with my family and my feelings when I am stressed will be the indicator of my relationship with him. We are doing well again. I was very exhausted last week and needed to rest. I did and feel fine again. I realized he is good to me because he talks and listens. We have problems online when he does not understand what I wrote. Thus, he is not a bad person as I thought but a person who does not understand English too well. This is not his fault. I adore him still. He is special to me. I am hoping to see him again soon. I am blinded at times by my situation and can't judge others too well. My judgment is impaired from my illness. It takes me time and much reflection for me to understand that not all people are bad to me. He is really quiet most of the time and pensive. I like him much and hope we make it as a couple. He is not manipulative but has problems understanding English. So, he pauses and has to read and re-read then responds. I am trying to be patient and understanding. He is really trying hard to learn English. I admire him for his effort. He knows I like him much and care about him. Sometimes, this is more important than being able to communicate well in a language. This has been our first misunderstanding and we are doing well still. I am grateful for those who tell me to take it slowly and let our relationship grow steadily.

I can't criticize meeting your potential man online, because it worked out for me. However, there were a lot of lemons before I finally met the peach. Don't be afraid to let him go if you're not comfortable with the situaion. It would be better to be alone a little while longer than to be with someone who isn't right for you.

By the way, when my husband and I were just beginning to get to know each other online, we exchanged pictures. You know what really impressed me about him? In one of the pictures he sent me, he didn't have a shirt on. So he cut out a paper "shirt" and taped it to the photo before he scanned it. He knew it was too early in the relationship to start getting sexy.

I appreciated that bit of modesty and humility. It scored many more points with me than some guy strutting around like a rooster, trying to convince me he's God's gift to women, would have.

I'm having serious doubts about continuing the relationship again. For some reason, my gut feeling is telling me to let him go to allow him to find a woman whose family will accept him. My family will never accept him because they think I can't handle even taking care of myself. They are also mean and unable to deal with the fact that I like other people besides them. It is ok. I don't want him to deal with my family or lack of family. I may just let him go. I have the feeling that once he realizes my family will never accept him, he will be mean to me because I believe he is looking for a woman and family to accept him. He is not a bad man but once he realizes that I'm all alone with him he may change his attitude towards me. I feel bad about this whole situation. I knew my family would never accept anybody I like. Thus, I feel if I like him enough to let him go to find someone whose family will accept him. It is the right thing to do given he does not have much family either. I like him but not enough to leave my own family behind. I love my family because they are all that I have. They are dysfunctional but they took me back after I was homeless and after my divorce to someone they never accepted and who was abusive towards me. They stood by me throughout my hospitalizations. I'm worried about this man because he believes mental illness can be fixed by going on vacation and taking it easy. He does not have the slightest idea of how painful it is to have a mental illness. He thinks I have a slight problem being mentally ill. Little does he know that it is a big problem as it is for others. As a result, I feel he won't understand me and my problems. I think he is a nice man but his lack of understanding into my issues and my family's lack of acceptance of him are enough to think about letting him go to find someone whose family will accept him and allow him to be part of another family. I know if I were in his situation I would do this for me too. I feel nobody will be good enough for my family to accept and nobody will truly understand my needs. These are my issues I must face. I rather be alone and free and not worry about another person's feelings and treatment of me. I am leaning towards remaining alone and just dating occasionally for fun but nothing too serious. I wished it would have worked out with him. He has been the most decent towards me of all the men I have dated. But, I realize I can't change my family's attitude and his lack of understanding about mental illness. I am ok and will survive as usual. I was married to another mentally ill person who was severely paranoid and abusive. I liked him initially because he had a nice family unlike mine. But,his family turned against me when things went wrong and they blamed me for not taking care of him etc. I couldn't take care of him and myself and do a full-time job so it ended in divorce. I am happy to have divorced. I don't want to marry and divorce again though. It is too much trauma and sadness on top of all the stress. I will cut this short and let this man go. It is the best I can do for him given that I like him. I wish him well and hope he finds that special woman with an accepting family.

Can't you explain to him the dysfunction of your family and give him the choice to decide or not?

I lied. I am still chatting to him and invited him this Sunday to go to the park. I'm not sure if he will go. I like him much and will worry about my parents and him later. I am a bit nutty due to my illness. I can't help it. I should play the game does he love me or not. Ahhh, I am stupid!! May be, he will turn me down. Then, I will be at a loss. Hmmm, roller coaster ride of emotions is part of my illness as always. I wish I could stop the ride and just enjoy his friendship as it is for what it is. I feel ok but feel bad at times that nothing is ideal, especially with my family.

I sent this to him.
Mr. Big- to be with you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6-uJLteKek

He has not responded yet since he is busy. I will wait until tomorrow. He works long hours on the weekdays and must be exhausted. If he does not want to see me, I will understand. But, so far, I believe he is too busy to answer and will soon.

He turned me down so it is over. I am not surprised. I will be ok. He sends me messages but does not want to see me. I will let him go. Thank you all for bearing with me and my emotions. I am not hurt but relieved. I hope he finds someone special.

I told him to remove me from contacts on skype. He has not done so yet. So, I told him that I would wait to meet him again one day, but to be nice if he finds someone else to tell me and let me go. I don't know what to expect but hope he does find someone good for him. I also hope to find someone who can understand me and care about me.

Interesting thread. For me there are a few red flags.

1) he told you Japanese women will not except him. So is he “settling for less” having a relationship with you.? I am familiar with Japanes culture and was married to a Japanese man for 8 years. What he’s telling you is not true.

2) he told you that you were fat. WTF? Criticizing your body at this early stage does not bode well.

3) he thinks mental illness can be cured by a vacation? Seriously?

These are just my thoughts. But I wouldn’t run away screaming if a man told me this crock o’ *****.

How long have you known this person? It seems like you are asking for a lot of care and commitment from someone who hasnt been in your life very long? Of course we want that from our significant other, but it just seems like you are putting the cart before the horse.

I still like him and remain in contact with him. I told him to remove me from his skype contacts if he wants but he has not. I send him messages still. Yes, he is into being skinny and wants me to be skinny. I just chide him and say oink oink. I don't know if what he is saying about Japanese women is true or not. I really am not that concerned about it. And, yes,he is ignorant about mental illness but nobody is perfect.


I did not want him to be my significant other but a friend in need. Sometimes finding lover who is also a friend is hard these days. I think he tried to be a friend but wants to be in control of our relationship. It is ok. I come from a domineering mother and father. I am used to allowing others be in control at times. I, of course, want my freedom still so am doing whatever I want anyways.


I met another man today and did not like him. So, it made me realize that the man I was previously seeing was not so bad. Thus, I still write him and hope to meet him again. I know it sounds like I'm settling for less than desirable. But, he is not that bad and I, for some reason, like him despite his flaws.


I am not in a rush to get married or find my significant other. I just want a lover who is my friend too.

And is he on the same page?

I'd tread lightly with this push/pull thing of delete Skype/don't delete Skype.

Don't get to where you're so afraid of being alone that you think *anything* would be better than that.

Yes, may be I am holding onto something that is not going to work out. I will try to be busy with my life alone for now as usual. I am doing ok and not too worried about him. He has not written in about three days so he is not too concerned about me. I will be ok.

So, I have a date with another man tomorrow night. He is a real estate entrepreneur and is Jewish. My ex was also Jewish. He seems more of a typical American man which I am used to dating. I shall see what he is like tomorrow.

I cancelled the meeting tomorrow. I am coming down with a cold and feel terrible. I am tired and spent. I will just do my business tomorrow and come home.

I am meeting another Japanese man for coffee tomorrow morning. He lives in the next town near me. He is very talkative and nice. He has many stories to tell. He is older and an investment banker. He is self-employed and owns his business. I like his personality so far. But, I will have to meet him to see if we get along. I am hoping for the best.


The other Japanese man no longer talks to me. He is strange as heck. I am happy to have let him go for now. I am glad to have found out his true nature which is he is not my friend but a user. I was nice to him but told him not to worry about my asking me to help me because I really don't need his help anymore. He has been avoiding me ever since I asked him for help. He acted as if he would be supportive of me so I thought asking him to help me would not be a problem. From now on, I will not ask for help unless I am really sure we are friends. He wanted to learn English and was using me for free meals and lessons. I understand why he never married. But, this is his loss, not mine. I did not ask for money nor anything materialistic but for help in just signing a letter stating he could vouch for my character and that I would be responsible for my affairs while in Japan. I don't know what the big deal is but he seemed to squirm when I asked him. I thought he would be nice to me but he was not. He is a typical user-friendly user- always seeking to take advantage of others.


The new man I'm seeing tomorrow speaks really good English and has been to America many times. I am happy for him. He seems more comfortable with himself and confident. I like his style. I am not going to ask him for a character verification this time and will ask someone who has been a long-time friend of the family.

This letter for character verification is a formality not anything binding legally. But, I need it. So, I did not want to bother my long-time friend because I have not seen her for awhile. But, I will go visit her when I have time. And, I am not going to ask anybody anymore for help here unless it is absolutely necessary. I realize some Japanese people are known to be very cold to strangers and only nice to their family and friends in their circle. Thus, I was not surprised by the previous man's response but he was sure obvious about his purpose for me.


So, tomorrow I will see what happens. I look forward to tomorrow and hope we get along. He has so many stories to tell. I find him fascinating.

Also, since he told me his illnesses, I told him mine. He still wants to see me. It was like well here we go again I thought. But, he was really nice about it. I think he is understanding. He first told me about his illnesses because he got sick in America and was hospitalized but had a wonderful experience recovering while there. I thought if he is going to disclose his illnesses that I would just tell him mine and get it out of the way, so to speak. Some people I never tell and with others it is not so hard to be myself. He was very empathetic and understanding about my situation as I was about his. So, we are honest with each other and have an understanding about each other's situation.

Honestly I think most people would be apprehensive about vouching for people’s characters if they only’ve met few times and didn’t have variety of experiences. I think his reaction was fairly normal. I don’t know if he was using you for free meals though, that could be, but not wanting to sign a letter is very understandable.

Good luck with a new date. Don’t cook for him or have him over at your house. Nothing wrong with cooking for men but I’d give it few dates at least.