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Default May 02, 2018 at 01:27 AM
  #1
I've been communicating with a man on skype. I met him online via okcupid. He is 8 years younger and single. He works in my neighborhood. I sent him some sexy photos and he wants to meet. However, he may just want sex so I'm going to think about it before meeting him. I have not had sex with anybody since last year. I like this man so far. He does not say anything vulgar to me or anything sexual. He says he wants to meet this week and is going to meet me. I will just talk to him first by having lunch or dinner with him and see if we like each other. He and I started talking last year but have never met. He was busy and so was I. Now, we discovered he works where I live. I am excited but none of my past relationships with Japanese men have worked because they either want sex only or they are too far from me. I am not Japanese. I like Japanese men for some reason. I hope this time it works out and we get along besides just sex. I will be patient and see what happens.
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Default May 02, 2018 at 08:01 AM
  #2
What to you mean by you sent him sexy pics?

I have done a lot of online dating and I have found that the exchanging of pics, beyond just to see what each other looks like is a red flag that it's just hook up. Perhaps a long-term hookup, but the guy isn't interested in anything long term.

What have your conversations been like? Do you talk about your interests and what you have in common?

Can you refrain from having sex with him until you've been on a few dates?

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Default May 02, 2018 at 09:21 AM
  #3
Maybe it’s just me. But I think you should find out if you get along BEFORE you have sex. If a guy wants sex with you right away that’s a pretty good indicator that that is ALL they want.

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Default May 02, 2018 at 11:13 AM
  #4
hopefully he doesn't just want to have sex right away but I fear that your sending "sexy" pics may have given him the wrong impression. if you want to appeal to a guy's intellect, talk to him and meet first. if you want to avoid causing him to think sexually refrain from sexual talk and especially sexy pics.
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Default May 02, 2018 at 11:15 AM
  #5
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Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
hopefully he doesn't just want to have sex right away but I fear that your sending "sexy" pics may have given him the wrong impression. if you want to appeal to a guy's intellect, talk to him and meet first. if you want to avoid causing him to think sexually refrain from sexual talk and especially sexy pics.
good post.

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Default May 02, 2018 at 12:07 PM
  #6
Try to see how it works out If it doesn't work, I'd avoid sending sexy pics next time.
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Default May 02, 2018 at 05:13 PM
  #7
I recently sent him some sexy pics in underwear. We've been talking for over a year. Initially, I could not meet him since I was too far and his mother just died. And, we have continued saying hello until just last month. We realized he is working where I live and decided to meet for real. He is really nice. I will refrain from talking about sex and offering him to go to my apartment until we know each other well. If we get along well and he accepts my illness too, then we can become intimate. I am not sure he will accept my illness and if he does not, then I will let him go or vice versa. I will meet him a few times and see what happens.
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Default May 02, 2018 at 10:03 PM
  #8
I hope you are initially meeting in a public place and have safety net measures just in case you need to bail.

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Default May 03, 2018 at 03:08 AM
  #9
Yes, we are meeting at the train station where there is nothing but people.
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Default May 05, 2018 at 07:43 AM
  #10
He is a really nice man. I like him much. He is a gentleman. He is really sweet! I hope he likes me too. It is hard to gauge Japanese people though. They usually don't say how they feel. I think time will tell. He paid for everything and was talkative. He took me places and held my hand. I am head over heels for him. But, I won't know for sure he is about me until he tells me or contacts me again. I will wait patiently.
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Default May 05, 2018 at 08:41 AM
  #11
Also, the good thing about him is that he and I don't drink nor smoke. We are both single without kids. We have other things in common too. I am happy!
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Default May 05, 2018 at 10:04 AM
  #12
So, my date lasted over 10 hours and we talked a lot until the morning. I told him about my illness. He seemed concerned. He does not have any illnesses. I told him he is lucky and blessed. I don't know if he likes me as much as I like him. I wanted to be upfront to him about myself and told him the truth about my illness and my nutty family. He was sympathetic and concerned. I don't know about him but I feel I was overwhelming. Thus, if he does not want to see me anymore, I will understand. He has a good job and is stable mentally and emotionally. He has never been married though and is in his 40's. He told me that Japanese females want really high-earners as husbands and he said they have to make over six figures in dollars to be attractive to Japanese females. I was not that surprised because most Japanese women don't work after they marry and have kids. Also, Japanese females worry which universities men have graduated from and what kind of families they are from. He is from a very poor family and also his university is not top notch. But, he has a good job now but this is not good enough for some women, I guess. I was happy that he is nice and stable. His job is important too which is the reason he was able to pay for all of the meals. He was not cheap and allowed me to choose whatever I wanted. We ate three meals together at restaurants. I wanted to pay but he insisted on paying. Now, I have to think of ways to pay him back with kindness. He wanted to stay with me longer but had left his laundry outside at his house before he left. I am happy he had a good time with me. I hope to see him again soon. We will continue talking on social media. However, if it does not work out, I will remember him with fondness.
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Default May 05, 2018 at 10:20 AM
  #13
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Originally Posted by bpforever1 View Post
So, my date lasted over 10 hours and we talked a lot until the morning. I told him about my illness. He seemed concerned. He does not have any illnesses. I told him he is lucky and blessed. I don't know if he likes me as much as I like him. I wanted to be upfront to him about myself and told him the truth about my illness and my nutty family. He was sympathetic and concerned. I don't know about him but I feel I was overwhelming. Thus, if he does not want to see me anymore, I will understand. He has a good job and is stable mentally and emotionally. He has never been married though and is in his 40's. He told me that Japanese females want really high-earners as husbands and he said they have to make over six figures in dollars to be attractive to Japanese females. I was not that surprised because most Japanese women don't work after they marry and have kids. Also, Japanese females worry which universities men have graduated from and what kind of families they are from. He is from a very poor family and also his university is not top notch. But, he has a good job now but this is not good enough for some women, I guess. I was happy that he is nice and stable. His job is important too which is the reason he was able to pay for all of the meals. He was not cheap and allowed me to choose whatever I wanted. We ate three meals together at restaurants. I wanted to pay but he insisted on paying. Now, I have to think of ways to pay him back with kindness. He wanted to stay with me longer but had left his laundry outside at his house before he left. I am happy he had a good time with me. I hope to see him again soon. We will continue talking on social media. However, if it does not work out, I will remember him with fondness.
10 hours? I'm sorry but to me, that just seems like far too long for a first date. I couldn't stand being with someone nonstop for that long. Even someone I like!

I hope it goes well. Please be careful. You do not owe him anything for paying. He insisted upon paying. It's a gift. Gifts are not to be paid back. I am concerned that perhaps he is the kind to "love-bomb" you. Or maybe he had a day free so he distracted himself with you, but may not be available otherwise? So it will only be when it's convenient for him? I'm just raising some points to watch out for. Not saying this is what it is, just want you to be careful and consider these things as you proceed so you stay safe.

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Default May 05, 2018 at 08:48 PM
  #14
Thanks, seesaw. I am not sure it will work out but am hoping for the best. You may be right that he had a free day and was just frittering it away with me. In any case, I will just wait. He works 12 hour shifts every weekday. On the weekend, he is free. I'm not sure how he feels about me. I won't put too much stock in him for now.
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Default May 05, 2018 at 09:48 PM
  #15
He is chatting with me still. He is nice still and very understanding. I was really mad at my family for not talking with me; he intervened and started chatting with me. So far, so good.
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Default May 05, 2018 at 09:54 PM
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He is chatting with me still. He is nice still and very understanding. I was really mad at my family for not talking with me; he intervened and started chatting with me. So far, so good.
Good. Just take it slow and be careful. He could be a very nice man, but he could also not be. Take your time to really find out. Happy you have someone to talk to and spend time with.

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Default May 05, 2018 at 10:47 PM
  #17
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Yes, we are meeting at the train station where there is nothing but people.
Sounds like you've met and had a nice time. Is a full day customary?
I wouldn't personally worry about how to repay for meals. It's just food.
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Default May 06, 2018 at 09:55 AM
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Sounds like you've met and had a nice time. Is a full day customary?
I wouldn't personally worry about how to repay for meals. It's just food.
Yeah, I agree. It's just food.

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Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Default May 07, 2018 at 08:51 AM
  #19
We chatted again tonight!! He is still concerned about my health because of my illness. He is really sweet! I told him as long as I take my medication that I am ok for now. He seemed genuinely worried about my health. Hmmm, I feel touched by his concern but don't want him to worry too much about it. We may meet this weekend again. I am not sure yet because it depends on my work schedule. We shall see.
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Default May 08, 2018 at 03:16 AM
  #20
He is happy I'm receiving interviews for jobs. He is very supportive! I am happy with him. Hmmm, after all the men I dated and met, he has been so far the most decent. We might meet this weekend but am not sure yet. We shall see.
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