Sleeping with a friend

I told a friend we could sleep together sometimes but not have sex. I'm leaving it up to her if we do. I know I'd probably be better off with a cat/dog, but I've done this before with another friend.
That friend and I did sleep together five times and it was very comforting and I felt very safe too. I was married at the time but it was never about sex, but very intimate. We held each other most of the night and took turns being the big spoon. I didn't get that at home unless she wanted something and even then it felt cheap and unrealistic.
I haven't been friends with this new woman for long and it probably freaked her out. I think I need to explain it to her. Or, should I do something else? Should I have not done that?

How long have you known each other? How did she react?

I met her when I moved in, so less than two months. The prior one, I knew for almost a year. I suggested it in messaging. I haven't seen her today but she could be home by now.

I don’t know nature of your friendship but I don’t think I’d be ok sleeping with a friend for no reason. How did she react to your proposal? I guess I’d be rather confused.

Maybe because I don’t find it comforting sleeping in the same bed unless it’s a romantic partner. I am hard to sleep with (very very restless and I snore) so one has to really be into me to put up with this.

I shared beds with friends or relatives (my daughter mostly) out of necessity: in hotels or sleeping over and lack of beds. Last time I attempted to sleep with my daughter was after death of her husband and she was in such bad shape that she wanted me to be in the same bed (she had horrid nightmares and was afraid to sleep) but after first night poor girl said she’d rather have nightmares and be up than hear me snore and put up with my kicking her and pulling blankets off her. That made us both laugh despite gravity of a situation.

So what did the woman say to your proposal?

If a guy moved into my apartment building and proposed this after less than 2 months it would completely freak me out. Of course she may feel differently. I would say an explanation would probably be a good idea.

She said we'd talk today. We haven't. I'm going to take a shower and go see her, Hopefully.

I could only do this with someone I absolutely trust and for some reason I trust her. The prior friend died of alcoholism. We had the strangest relationship of any two people ever anyway. She was very attractive, but not to me. I didn't ever think of her that way. Either of us could be naked in the room while changing and the other might glance up, but it wasn't anything to worry about or dirty. I saw a tattoo she had in a very personal place up close on accident while picking up a fork and she then showed it to me and I didn't look past the tat. We didn't sexualize each other at all. We were just friends. Even when we were both so drunk we couldn't stand or on various drugs we tried together it was perfectly ok to be there naked and know you were completely safe. My then, now ex, wife knew how close we were and that she stood zero chance in breaking up that friendship and to leave us be, even though we were only two doors away. I was able to talk to her about everything and she to me. I did love her more than anyone else ever and I miss her all the time.
I think I know what I'm doing to myself now, and should also probably not pursue the situation. The current friend does make dirty comments and seems to mean them. I think it's more than she could handle, to be intimate and only a friend without sex. I may have lost a friend over this.

You know her for two months and just live in the same apartment complex? Yeah. I thought it was close long time friend. I’d very much freak out and might complain to Apartment management. But then it depends of course

We talk about EVERYTHING, no matter how bad it is. We know deep secrets. She was the first person I felt comfortable telling in person about the SA that happened to me as a child outside of my psych team and we can and do tell each other dark stuff without judgements. That had me let my guard down and trust someone very quickly.

Here's what happened.
She doesn't want to because she's had friends before that were cuddle buddies and it led to sex and she lost the friends. Ok. All fine. I'm ok with that

I know it's not relevant to OP but I just gotta say this was a really sweet story. Sounds like something my mom would do for me.

I'm glad you sorted it out. I was about to reply that the person you talked about from your past sounds like one of those very intimate friendships that you may only find once in a lifetime (soulmate statuts). I am so sorry for your loss. It would be very difficult to find someone like that again. But hopefully you do.

Be careful of people who instill such trust so rapidly. I hop very much that it's fine, I just find such relationships than take so quickly sometimes burn out quickly too.
I am sorry that you lost such a friend, that must be hard. Not sure if we get many of those in a lifetime.

All the best, take care.