When you feel like you annoyed, bothered, or angered someone and apologize

Whenever you feel like you annoyed, upset, or bothered someone and they say you are fine and they are not bothered or mad at you, is there a higher chance of them actually being annoyed or mad at you but they just don’t want to tell you or do they usually mean what they say? I know actions speak louder than words, but sometimes the only way to ask is through texts, which unfortunately cuts off the body language portion of communication.

In that case, you could apologize and even if the person is mad or annoyed, they could say you are fine. I feel like if you have a gut feeling you are annoying them, it is always best to apologize even if they say you did nothing just in case they are secretly annoyed. Doing this, in a way, may make them secretly glad you apologize and could actually rectify the problem if it is minor enough and it was accidental.

I know from experience if someone accidentally annoyed me and they apologized before I even said anything, I will say they are fine to spare them trouble but at the same time, secretly be glad they owed up to their mistake. I am not going to respond and say, “Yeah you really are annoying, leave me alone.” Instead, I’ll just say, “You’re fine, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” That way I don’t cause further problems and make things worse and I think a lot of people take the same route. They hint at is but accept your apology and let it go at the same time if it is minor enough. Is it common for people to say you are fine even if they are secretly annoyed or mad? I feel like it is.

Do you apologize when you feel like you annoyed someone even if they say you are fine or haven’t said anything? I feel like doing this is sort of the right thing to do. There probably are times where they really are not mad or annoyed with you but I still feel like it is common for someone to secretly seeth in anger or annoyance and not say anything and just wait to see if you get the hint. If someone apologizes to you and you were secretly annoyed, do you spare the trouble by saying they are fine and be secretly greatful they apologized? I’ve just been wondering and wanted to see what you guys thought.

I apologize TOO much, which might get annoying. In my topic in this sub-forum I discuss how I’m always worrries about upsetting my boyfriend. That leads to a lot of unneeded apologies. He’ll frequently say, “what are you apologizing for?” in our conversations simply because I take the blame for everything.

If something bad happens to us, I get mad at myself for not be proactive enough.
If he seems upset though he really isn’t, I got anxious and do a general apology.

I do agree that if you think you’ve offended someone, it’s best to clear the air and try to take responsibility. But if you’re self-destructive like me, just be cautious of how often you say you’re sorry. I lack the confidence I need because I’m never 100% sure I’m doing what other people would expect of me, and that really shouldn’t matter.

Edit: to answer if you should just say “you’re fine” to people who upset you, I think it depends. If it’s a minor offense, yeah. But if they’re a regular part of your life and they have a habit of doing whatever it is that bothers you, it’s probably good to address their actions as to avoid passive aggressive conflict. I know there have been times where a friend or my boyfriend does something that I don’t agree with, and it’s so much worse to let it drag on than to be honest with them. It really depends, though, again. If they mess up one time on one thing, no need to make a scene.

I agree. I tend to say sorry too much too especially since I feel like people dislike me if I make the smallest mistake. And yeah I agree, if it is something that keeps happening or is much worse, then yes I would say something. I only say “You are fine” if it was very minor and it was one of the first couple of times it happened and they were proactive enough to apologize. I agree with what you said, if they apologize, no need to make them feel worse. They admitted their slight wrongdoing so it can be dropped.

You're curious about a behavior you yourself commit?
The answers are literally in your hands then!

As for my opinion, I think it's a waste of time and a wrong way of talking things out. It's also unhelpful to lie to someone and say "you're fine" all the time since it doesn't help them solve relationship issues with you or perhaps others
See, I do not sugarcoat and say "You're fine". I tell my honest opinion. You can take it however you want, the choice is yours

Well that but also there are times where I do not know if I did something, but due to the other person suddenly acting more distant, I will ask just in case. Maybe it was something I did, maybe not. And I understand it is not good to lie. I agree with you. I just mean if someone does a very minor thing, especially for the first time and they apologize immediately, I don’t see the point in making them feel even worse by snapping at them. I may hint at it but I won’t rudely snap at them. But yeah, honesty is the best policy. And I would want others to be honest with me as well.