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graystreet
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Default May 20, 2018 at 01:58 AM
  #1
I don’t even want to come here and give this subject more power by continuing to talk about it, but it is still in my life, and still causing me grief and pain. So, here I am.

The narcissist I came here to discuss a few months this ago is still a problem. I’d started to let go, was doing a pretty good job of it, then li and behold, found that (and this is somewhat TMI but none of you know me personally) some weird symptoms I was having were an STI he’d given me. Great. When the hell am I going to be rid of the effects of this guy???

And now, just yesterday, I get an email from him, from a throwaway address: “laughingatyoubio**@email” that stated, basically, “I’m doing so much better since you tried to hurt me. Contact me or anyone in my life ever again and you won’t like the results. By the way, you were the worst lay I’ve ever had. Seriously. XOXOXO <3”

???

Why?

I wasn’t sure if it was him or his girlfriend whom I found out he’s had since last March. Yeah, he asked me to be with him and had a girlfriend for almost a year. But the email didn’t really seem like him, the address didn’t seem like something he’d come up with. Not that it matters

At first, it made me laugh, because it seemed unstable and beneath me. Like, just get the F out of my life you massive creep. You’re 46 years old; too old to be playing these games. But then, the pain hit me. This person broke down any foundation of self-worth I’d built up before I’d been with him, and I’ve not been able to build it back up. Why is he still doing this to me?

I’m trying to move on. But the anger is so strong. I’m full of anger. And pain. I cry so often. My stomach is in knots all the time; I don’t eat well, I’m vomitig all the time. I’ve lost one of my close friends, and am losing the other. People are just sick of me being a mess. I’m sick of it, too. But I don’t know how not to be a mess. I don’t trust people. I don’t know how to be me again. And I guess I’m just coming back on here because I’m sitting in the break room at work crying, and I don’t know who else to talk to.

Yes, my T knows all of this.
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healingme4me
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Default May 20, 2018 at 04:45 AM
  #2
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divine1966
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Default May 20, 2018 at 05:43 AM
  #3
STD? So sorry to hear.

Email doesn’t sound like from him honestly. He’d send one threatening legal actions if you contact anyone again, that’s I’d believe (those women you contacted likely told him). Id believe it was him. But saying “I am doing so much better” just doesn’t fit the narrative. But regardless who sent it. Delete. Of course don’t reply.

Sorry you are dealing with this crap.
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Default May 20, 2018 at 05:57 AM
  #4
I'm sorry to hear that. Trust me, whoever sent that email isn't doing any better. That's why he/she tried to bring you down. Keep ignoring him. I know it's hard, but that's the best thing to do. Hope you feel better soon.
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Default May 20, 2018 at 09:15 AM
  #5
I agree with Divine--the email sounds like your creep has a helper. Most bullies and jerks do; they're too weak and afraid to do their own dirty work so they hide behind 'helpers.' Best thing you can do is delete unopened any email from unknown and likely untrustworthy addresses (change your email address if you can); tell your therapist you received a threat in that email, and if anything else happens untoward that you think is coming from this creep--go to the police.
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Default May 20, 2018 at 09:24 AM
  #6
I don’t open anything suspicious. Report as spam and send to spam folder. They might contain viruses in addition to nasty messages
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Default May 20, 2018 at 10:38 PM
  #7
Divine-- yep, an STD. I know it seems weird that I'm telling you guys, but I've been fairly open about it. I guess being in healthcare for 17 years, body stuff feels like...not very private at all, and it's a very minor one, treatable with antibiotics. My doc didn't test me for it initially because I went in a week after I came home, I wasn't having symptoms, and she'd only done a blood test (so I was negative for everything else). When I started having weird symptoms, I kind of knew what it was, but I thought maybeeee it was something else and it's embarrassing to call your doctor for this stuff again, so I waited about a month and a half *eye roll.*

Let me be frank, and you guys are probably going to nail me to the wall for this, because this is why I'm getting the harassment. I wasn't doing well yesterday, and was also in a hurry as I was on my lunch break, or would have elaborated more. Your doctor suggests when you test positive that you contact your partners, and I did. Of course, he's blocked me from everything. I was upset that this happened, so I messaged the woman I had always suspected he had been with when he was with me (yeah, I know, it's a huge part of the story I left out--I'm sorry, I suck. Don't ask me why I did it, don't reprimand me; I was angry that he made me ill). She flipped out. Said I was a liar, there was no way I was telling the truth, that he was with his son when I said I was in Tennessee. She's been with him for over a year. (He was with me November to March, always denied any other relationship.)

Yeah. Okay. He said he was with his son when he was sleeping with another woman as well.

She sent me a few more harassing emails as well. Said I wasn't the only person trying to "meddle" in her relationship (shouldn't that tell you something?) I finally said listen--this is what happened, I have receipts saying I was there, etc etc. I'm sorry, I know how it feels, I know you've known him for 9 years prior to this relationship--he told me that. Try 13 years. But he's lying to you. Please don't contact me again. She began posting things on Instagram and tagging me in them. I simply blocked them. Then I got that email from a "J ****" (his name) the other night. Initially, it sounded like him, the "you won't like the results" is very him. I'll admit, I responded. But it was brief, and calm, and final. Basically, an "I don't care, don't contact me again. And then I looked harder. I realized um...I've known this man a longgggg time. His grammar is better than this. He wouldn't use such an unsophisticated email address. He would never use "xoxo <3," and he really wouldn't contact me after all this time. It makes him feel more powerful to ignore me.

It's almost definitely her.

Tonight I got tagged in another Instagram to my SECOND account. How she knows that, I don't know. He doesn't even know it. And she called me a traitorous B. Really? How? he lied and cheated, and I never knew her. Am I traitor to womanhood? She told me women are only cheated on when they don't satisfy men, so...

She is making herself seem very unstable. I almost feel sorry for her; she is exactly what he looks for--she told me she doesn't care if I'm telling the truth.

I looked into the legality of the situation, and actually, neither of us can really do anything legal. If she continues to threaten me, I can maybe get a PPO, but that's it. So I'll just continue to block any throwaway emails or accounts that come my way. *shrug* I'm not going to continue to give life to this situation. It's over. It does affect my life, but I need to deal with that, and not them.
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