7 Year Itch? Wanting to Run Away

My partner and I have been together for 7 years and lately I can find myself thinking of little else besides running away and being on my own. I've always struggled with self esteem issues, anxiety, and depression and he used to be able to help me stay afloat, but lately I feel like being around him just makes me want to die - partly because I feel so desperate to be alone, and partly because I feel so guilty for feeling this way. We've never had a very "traditional" relationship (polyamorous) so it's not like I don't have some freedom, but for some reason I just want to completely isolate myself right now which I haven't felt in the years we've been together. I've vented to a few people about this and they've all just told me I should stick it out and it's just a 7-year itch. He can sense there's something different between us, too, and has expressed that I should just leave if I'm not happy with him. There isn't anything abusive going on or anything like that. I just feel like we want different things from life, and I'm tired of feeling like I belong to him. I've always been a loner and the more I think about it the more I think I'd rather die alone than be obligated to take care of someone else. Am I being silly for being so desperate to be alone? Will these feelings pass? Part of the reason this is on my mind is because I am (for the first time) at a point in my life where I can afford to live alone comfortably - and we are in the process of selling our house and buying a bigger one. I can't help but think that I'd rather take the money from the sale to go our own ways and have some financial security rather than tying ourselves to a new mortgage together and potentially having a much messier breakup down the road. I'm just afraid I'm about to make a decision I'm going to horribly regret, no matter which path I choose. It's so hard for me to trust myself because I know that I can go through phases of irrational isolation and irritability, but I also have a history of staying in relationships way too long and letting them end bitter and bloody which I don't want to do either.

Does anyone else have experience with this? What did you choose and why?

Hey there, first off I want to say your not silly or anything else, you feel what you feel. Neither right or wrong...it just is.

I think it's fairly common for people who find themselves financially stable for the first time to feel faced with chances, choices and decisions they have never considered before.

Also a loner, and after my 10 year relationship broke up I needed time alone. 7 years later it's still the best decision I ever made for myself.
I think so long as you aren't disappearing into a hole, or locking yourself away somewhere.
So long as you're still doing things to encourage growth in your life, in whatever fashion, wether it's education,travel a new path I would say go for it.

Even if your running from something, I would say So log as you acknowledge that and give it due process, it's not necessarily the wrong thing to do.

I am a strong believer that human relationships aren't meant to last forever.
We each grow and change, mature. Our tastes develop, our attitudes, wants and needs alter. The thought that two people could grow at exactly the same time, speed, wanting the same things meeting each other's needs perfectly, to me seems not only highly unlikely but a false expectation brought on through a society which is inconvenienced by change and challenges to the perceived norm.

Anyway, this has got a little political, the short version is, this is your life, of which you have one.
If you are unhappy, no longer in love, ready to move on...then do so.
Just be careful if running is a pattern or habit you get into in an attempt to avoid,something else. In those instances no matter where you go or how far, it's never enough.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I see where you say there is no abuse or anything like that going on.

I agree with Erebos, give it due process and if this isn’t a pattern, go. You couldn’t possibly imagine the regret I am going through right now for not leaving a relationship my gut told me to leave long ago, I clearly see now this is my pattern, I have always stayed in the relationship way too long and it ends bitter and bloody from verbal abuse on both sides. Had I recognized this before or should I say was aware of this, I could have avoided the last year of misery. I want to kick myself in the *** for not leaving when I was clearly having an intuition on so many occasions that it would never work out for whatever reason, I am not certain the reason matters, the times I have said to myself in the 6 months I should have let this go way long ago..... it is impossible for me to count or recall the many times I told myself to let it go. I didn’t and it was biter to the extreme more so on my side, I can admit that.

That has been my experience.

Thank you both for your perspective and experiences. It's hard for me to see things clearly when the relationship itself isn't horrible - he isn't verbally abusive. But we see things so differently that I often feel like I'm talking to a brick wall when I talk about the things I'm passionate about. For example, I'm a musician and music has always been one of my main coping mechanisms for just about any kind of situation. However, he is very picky about music he will listen to and makes no qualms about how terrible he thinks my music taste is - in 7 years, I can count on one hand the number of times he's let me choose the music when we are together. That might seem like a silly reason to leave a relationship, but 7 years down that road and it starts to feel like I don't matter - does that make sense? I dunno. Realistically, I don't expect or even desire to find a "better" relationship. It's being alone that appeals to me. I'm just scared that this feeling is going to pass and I'm going to realize I've made a horrible mistake. I would love to just give it time and see what happens, but given that we are in the process of making a very big life change I'm starting to feel a sense of urgency. I see this as an opportunity to separate in the most financially healthy way possible and if I don't make it now things could be a lot harder later. I just never know which thoughts to trust because my mental illnesses make everything so cloudy...

I know there's no easy answer and it's hard to get a full picture from the outside, but thank you thank you for taking the time to respond. <3

My girlfriend & I have been together 14 years. I can understand the overwhelming urge to be alone...during my depressed periods, I want nothing more than to crawl up into a ball & cut myself off from others. Even when I'm not depressed there are times when I want utter silence...I don't want to listen to the TV, anyone's voice...NOTHING! I just want silence. It's like the most simple noises grate on my nerves...it can be almost painful. Having expressed that, however, I have to realize that I'm in a happy, healthy relationship (no verbal altercations, or major disagreements). Plus, she puts up with my bipolar shite; I think she's a saint!

To me, it sounds like you & your partner share a lot of freedom & some room to grow. I don't know of too many people who would accept a poly relationship...but that might just be generational. If you feel the relationship is really holding you back from personal growth, GET OUT! However, there's an old song that goes, "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." If your need to be alone stems from baseline depression, beware. Now...I'll go back to minding my own business...

In no way am I judging at all. I am coming from a place of my experience and the experiences of others I've known.

Poly relationships are usually stressful and tend to put a lot of uncertainty into a relationship.It seems that there is always a deep - even subconscious - lack of trust that messes with the foundation of the relationship. Just my take.

Yeah, this is a difficult situation.

Unfortunately, there's no right decision here. The only right decision, in a sense, is making whatever decision you want to make because you truly think it's best and then sticking with it.

If, in hindsight, it ends up being the "wrong" decision, then it will be a lesson to learn.

Thank you for your input - I actually did struggle a lot with the poly dynamic early on in our relationship and there was a lot to overcome there - I've actually not had any conscious struggles with it in quite some time, but it could be that I'm assuming "I'm already passed those hurdles" and not realizing that they are still tripping me up. I certainly would not recommend it for everyone (especially those with mental illness). One of the reasons I sought polyamory out to begin with was because I did not trust monogamy - maybe it's cynical, but I genuinely believe that monogamy requires a certain level of dishonesty in order to work (pretending you never notice anyone else is exhausting to me). It's definitely worth examining if there is a fundamental part of me that has never let myself "take root" because of the nature of the relationship, and I will take time to consider that. That issue may run deeper than simple relationship style preference. "Too much openness" could also be part of why I'm feeling overstimulated and seeking isolation. Even though I'm pretty comfortable in that aspect of our relationship, it's always worth taking a closer look and I appreciate your feedback!