How to Cope With Inconsiderate People

A little background history: I’ve been a lot of people’s ‘punching bag’ throughout my life, primarily in school (mostly middle school), but even as an adult I’ve been mistreated by people. The odd thing is mostly men mistreated me during school, but as an adult I’ve been mistreated by more women. Though, I’ve noticed the trend that all women in my adulthood that have mistreated me were younger women, so I suppose they’re just insecure/inexperienced.

I’m the type that stays quiet when something is bothering me, so I have rarely (if ever) stood up for myself (the bad self-esteem is of no help either). I’m probably classified as ‘weak’ for not standing up for myself. I also take things too personal and make everything out to be myself that’s at fault. One reason I think my self-esteem is so terrible is because I’ve been consistently beat down by others psychical and verbal abuse, I make it out to be a problem with me, which I know is the incorrect approach.

How do I filter out other people’s harassment from affecting my personality? How do I make it not be my problem, but theirs?

Maybe take the steps necessary to learn to assert yourself when you feel bothered by these people's actions/behaviors?

People do not affect your personality. It’s how you handle those people in general which is a reflection of who you are.
I say - better push people away than let others push you.
When I started developing a larger ego, some friends have started to diminish contact with me. I lost it all, but with that, I have noticed how much they don’t care about me

Well, since it's a problem of self-esteem, I think you need to work that. Unfortunately you can't change others, you can only change yourself Perhaps you can start by reading some books on this subject.

Thanks for the advice, everyone.

Asserting myself is wise advice and something I should take to heart. I sometimes start saying things to myself like “I’m awesome”, “I can do this”, “I’m good enough”. I can’t really tell if it helps or not. It seems like I just sink back to negative self-talk rather quickly at times, probably just because I’m depressed. I suppose I need to truly believe such things and not just say them to try and make myself feel better.

Yeah, I have to push toxic people away and learn to not let them push me. It’s just a matter of not believing the lies they tell me and putting faith in myself.

Self-esteem has always been a weak spot for me and I know exactly why mostly; it’s because of my mental illnesses that I put such little believe in myself. It feels like I’m always being held back by them and I make myself out to be abnormal because of it. I have to learn better coping skills to build my self-esteem and stop making myself out to be one big mental illness.

"hey, you, why don't you be more considerate?"

"what's the problem here?"

"why did you just do that?"

It's helpful to give ourselves a line or two that can apply to many situations so we don't have to think of something new in a moment that tends to cause us stress.

I personally find being assertive is less about giving self affirmations and more about setting the tone. I actually had one of those moments today where it was necessary to state facts. I after years of being quiet and meak found myself being assertive, yet not defensive, toe to toe with someone that I got off the phone saying, 'she's tough', yet, I made my point and got what I needed to get taken care of addressed.

You sound like a kind person. Work on becoming assertive but don't become arrogant. It can be really hard to draw boundaries and to confront people about hurting you. But I can tell you, once you get started, it gets so much easier.

If you give us examples, we can come up with witty retorts for you to start utilizing, little by little. Also, a good way to build self-respect (I do not like the expression self-esteem) is by treating yourself well in very little and seemingly minor ways. Say, if you like to eat ABC, provided that it is not unhealthy, eat it more often because you like it.

You've had some good suggestions and comments from others but I would like to add mine and I hope it helps. I quoted part of what you wrote. In my opinion, abusing others is not a gender-based activity. Nor is mistreatment a function of youth. Children of 3-4-5 can learn to keep their hands to themselves, to take turns, to be kind.

So what are we left with? Perception, most likely. Perhaps you are attuned to young women, and their actions are what "count" with you. But what actions do you consider mistreatment? I remember being bullied years ago by some strange old man at my work place who hung out in the cafeteria and badgered young women to wish him a good morning. When I questioned why he was hanging out in the cafeteria and asked who he was he disappeared.

It could be that what you expect from others, particularly young women, they are not inclined to give. I don't like to be approached by strange men, for example. Anyone coming up to me is liable to get a short reply and I can guarantee you I will be moving in the opposite direction. A clerk who comes up to me in a store is a normal situation and I will respond appropriately because I am there to shop. A man bothering me on the bus, at the bus stop or in a store while I am shopping needs to stay the heck away from me.

My counselor was a big fan of bibliotherapy. In this situation, in order to reset your expectations of people, you might visit your local bookstore or library and search for books on getting along with others, bettering communication, etc. I have always found helpful books that include little case histories or examples so I know what the author is getting at.

If you have read this far, you might be thinking, "oh my past, I've just had so many bad experiences, now I am trained to think/experience/react..." to which I say: Today is a new day, the past is dead and gone and you can train yourself to enjoy your own life today and going forward. A few sessions with a good counselor could also help you develop healthy expectations and perceptions.

Cope? You shouldn’t have to cope with difficult people. Set boundaries and take care of yourself. Nobody else is taking care of you if you aren’t so don’t worry about what others are doing and watch out for yourself. Speak up. You deserve the same respect you give to others. I totally get it. This is advice I must take for myself on a daily basis.

I can only speak for myself but I don't know how one avoids difficult people completely. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just cope with the ones around you. If your boss is difficult but you really need the job or maybe even you really like the job, you should cope with the boss. If a family member is difficult, there aren't many good options. People do cut family members out of their lives or they just move away, but I'm not a fan of either.

Respect is very important. Good manners matter. What can you do but try your best and hope things go your way?

The problem is that if yiu don't respect yourself it doesn't present the environment for others to respect you. It is lack of respect for people that causes many people to treat others badly. It is not right as we should treat everyone equally (unless of course they are abusive to us). Then we just move ourselves away from those people.

Therapy to learn self-esteem, self-respect & how to stsnd up for yourself.

Yiu might also look into the DBT section on Interpersonal effectiveness.....it teaches very useful skills in this area.

I truly believe that we teach others how to treat us when we remain silent. That said...I don't think we need to fight every battle, and we certainly shouldn't only choose the battles we know we can win...Just be discerning, and fight the battles that are worth fighting.