new friend

I was on here a little over a month ago. This forum became my only outlet. I wasn't happy in my relationship. I was feeling insecure, a little neglected by my partner who spent heaps of time on his phone. I would get hurt when he didn't message me all day (when I knew he was free) but he would still message his friends. Anyways, I told myself I would go out and make new friends so I wasn't relying on my partner for constant attention and validation.

Well... I've made a new friend! We started chatting on a social group page. I put out a message asking for an exercise buddy. Well he responded. We havent actually hanged out together. It's just been at this social sport club. He was in the same position as me.. not many friends, finding it difficult making friends, especially with the same sex. We've been messaging everyday for 4 weeks. Its innocent chit chat. I've told me about my boyfriend and what he's like etc. I've been upfront and said I just want to be friends nothing else and I don't want him to think I'm leading him on. He understands. It sounds like he has more female friends than male ones.
I've noticed a change in my relationship too. If he doesn't text me while I'm busy at work (I have a busy work schedule and he's unemployed at the moment doing nothing) It doesnt bother me. I don't even notice it. We're still affectionate when I get home. I caught a glimpse of his chatmessenger yesterday and I noticed he's still chatting with other female friends. But it didn't upset me as much as it would have a couple of months ago. I'm not crying on the way to work or hiding out and crying in the shower. I don't feel lonely. I'm generally happier and I think I can Lin it down to this new friend.

Sometimes I feel guilty.. that I'm texting him a lot. But I have to remind myself that I have a right to be friends with who ever I want.

Sometimes I feel a little sad.. my ex boyfriend and I were the bestest of friends. We would msg each other constantly .. But then we didn't live with each other so that could be different? It also didn't work out between us and he used to always say I was very clingy?

I worry what our relationship is becoming and If this "let's msg our friends instead" is healthy. Sometimes I wonder what he's talking to them about.. i wonder what he says to them and how he even keeps the conversation going with them because his responses to me are pretty short. Mostly he msgs me saying where he is "I'm on my way home " I'm at the gym now". Does he come home and tell me the same thing he's told them through the day. The other day he came home and announced he had an interview?? Which he had not told me about at all. I mean.. did he tell them?

I need to stop thinking about this

I honestly think if you two would much rather communicate with other people and are much happier talking to others, then why stay together? If my husband talked to other women all day and not me or announced that he had an interview that I knew nothing about, I’d be done. I am not surprised you feel neglected. This isn’t emotionally close relationship. Why are you together if I may ask?

That's what I think. I agree. But I don't think he neccessarily thinks that. I think this is normal for him and he doesn't see a problem with it. He said in his last relationship he tended to be neglectful and have a hard time with empathy. He said they lived together but still grew apart and didn't spend time together. I don't want that to happen .. But I feel sometimes he does lack empathy. I guess we're together because we love each other and we have some things in common. We generally don't irritate each other. We're both pretty laid back.. I can be a little passive aggressive though. I got grumpy about the dishes not being done when he had been at home all day.. but I know it was just because I hadn't heard from him all day and more than likely he was msging other people through the day.
I feel like I'm asking him not to have friends.

Well the first thing to do would be to not jump to conclusions and talk with your partner about how you're feeling. Maybe he isn't telling you everything and messaging you because he's afraid of being clingy.

A lot of times we try to play these games even deep into a relationship. Which, arguably may be useful in small doses but it can create barriers between people.