Should I tell my husband?

Middlemarcher · Jun 03, 2018 at 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tyffani

He isn't a bad guy... I don't want her to be hit or anything like that.. but he has a lot of good in him too....

If he wouldn’t be good enough for your daughter, I wonder why he’s ok for you. It is also true that your daughter will absorb this as normal, and will be much more likely to get into an abusive relationship when she grows up.

Tyffani · Jun 03, 2018 at 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Middlemarcher

If he wouldn’t be good enough for your daughter, I wonder why he’s ok for you. It is also true that your daughter will absorb this as normal, and will be much more likely to get into an abusive relationship when she grows up.

That's only if he keeps hitting me though... He said he won't... People can change... He has changed so much since we were in high school... Things were worse back then.. but he has been better to me....

Middlemarcher · Jun 03, 2018 at 02:50 PM

How many times has he told you before that he won’t hit you again?

divine1966 · Jun 03, 2018 at 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tyffani

Why would you say something like that..? My husband doesn't hit me every other day.. the last incident was the first time in years... He apologized and hasn't done it again...
He hasn't used meth again... I've been watching him very closely... He was being a little better...
He's not a bad father... He hasn't hurt our daughter.. we take care of her...

Is it ok to hit you as long as it’s not every other day? One time is one too many. He might not be hitting your daughter but he teaches her that it’s ok because he hits you. He also smokes with her in the car. Bad idea

Tyffani · Jun 03, 2018 at 02:57 PM

I don't know what I can say... I'm sorry....

Jester's Rags · Jun 04, 2018 at 03:27 PM

If you would like a somewhat jealous man's opinion:
If my wife told me this,

First thing I would do is beat the p iss out of my friend.

Second would be to beat him some more. No questions asked.

I'd then hold it against her for eternity even though it wasn't her fault. And probably hold it over her head for a very long time. I wouldn't hit her as that isn't my style, but I'm sure I'd continually make digs about it.

If I found about it from someone else, all **** would hit the fan and there's no telling what would happen because that makes an unfortunate incident into a cover-up.

Just one man's opinion.

Tyffani · Jun 05, 2018 at 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jester's Rags

If you would like a somewhat jealous man's opinion:
If my wife told me this,

First thing I would do is beat the p iss out of my friend.

Second would be to beat him some more. No questions asked.

I'd then hold it against her for eternity even though it wasn't her fault. And probably hold it over her head for a very long time. I wouldn't hit her as that isn't my style, but I'm sure I'd continually make digs about it.

If I found about it from someone else, all **** would hit the fan and there's no telling what would happen because that makes an unfortunate incident into a cover-up.

Just one man's opinion.

That was pretty much my fear...

His friend came over unannounced yesterday and tried to touch me again... It was really stupid on his part because my husband was in the other room... I yelled and my husband came out and got really upset.. (I guess he thought my husband was out)
So they got into a fist fight and my husband kicked him out... He was upset at me and kept asking what I did to make him think that was okay and I just broke down and told him everything..
He isn't really talking much today.. So I have no clue what he might be thinking... I don't really think asking would lead to a pleasant conversation either...

Man this sucks... I feel like I shouldn't have to worry... but I can't help it...

Erebos · Jun 05, 2018 at 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jester's Rags

If you would like a somewhat jealous man's opinion:
If my wife told me this,

First thing I would do is beat the p iss out of my friend.

Second would be to beat him some more. No questions asked.

I'd then hold it against her for eternity even though it wasn't her fault. And probably hold it over her head for a very long time. I wouldn't hit her as that isn't my style, but I'm sure I'd continually make digs about it.

If I found about it from someone else, all **** would hit the fan and there's no telling what would happen because that makes an unfortunate incident into a cover-up.

Just one man's opinion.

Yeah that's pretty much what I figured. Been there not alot of laughs. Glad I got the hell out.

Erebos · Jun 05, 2018 at 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tyffani

That was pretty much my fear...

His friend came over unannounced yesterday and tried to touch me again... It was really stupid on his part because my husband was in the other room... I yelled and my husband came out and got really upset.. (I guess he thought my husband was out)
So they got into a fist fight and my husband kicked him out... He was upset at me and kept asking what I did to make him think that was okay and I just broke down and told him everything..
He isn't really talking much today.. So I have no clue what he might be thinking... I don't really think asking would lead to a pleasant conversation either...

Man this sucks... I feel like I shouldn't have to worry... but I can't help it...

No surprise that he instantly assumed it was something you had done.
Couldn't have been that his friend was just a total douche.
Don't like the way this is going.

Just a note from a girl who grew up in an abusive home.
I been hospitalized several times due to my partners, cos I grew up thinking you had to stick it out.

Remember you have a daughter who I hope you want better for.

Buffy01 · Jun 05, 2018 at 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tyffani

Hey everyone,
A few days ago I had to pick up some baby stuff from one of my husband's friend's house and when I was there, his friend and I were talking. On my way out, he grabbed me and kissed and groped me some... I pushed him away and yelled at him and just ran out of there...
It's been worrying me so much.. should I tell my husband what happened? I'm scared he will twist things and get upset... I haven't seen or spoken to his friend since the incident.. but I feel so sick over it..
Should I say something? Or should I just leave it alone for now and see what happens? I feel so confused...

I would go ahead and report the friend for the attack and warn other to stay away from this person. Have you thought about going to counseling and getting help from someone who specialize in trauma?

Buffy01 · Jun 05, 2018 at 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Middlemarcher

If he wouldn’t be good enough for your daughter, I wonder why he’s ok for you. It is also true that your daughter will absorb this as normal, and will be much more likely to get into an abusive relationship when she grows up.

You should leave your husband

Buffy01 · Jun 05, 2018 at 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tyffani

That's only if he keeps hitting me though... He said he won't... People can change... He has changed so much since we were in high school... Things were worse back then.. but he has been better to me....

People like your husband do not changes. I have brother whom are like this I seen there spouse act like this. I lost a coworker through domestic is because her boyfriend beat her everyday she would leave him but he always sucker her back by threaten her family.

Buffy01 · Jun 05, 2018 at 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Block that friend. Tell your husband. File for divorce. In that sequence or maybe file for divorce first

Block this person gather evidence against him file charges against him and your attacker. You have an animal right to protect yourself and the life of your offspring. Call the police for harrassment and stalking against your friend and your husband if they did once they will do it again.

Buffy01 · Jun 05, 2018 at 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tyffani

I don't want to divorce my husband... I love him...

You don't have to divorce him but you shouldn't have to live with him. If he an addict they rarely change. If he using call the police and anonymous report him that way the police can bring him in.

Buffy01 · Jun 05, 2018 at 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tyffani

That's only if he keeps hitting me though... He said he won't... People can change... He has changed so much since we were in high school... Things were worse back then.. but he has been better to me....

People like him don't change. They always blame the victim and not themselves. I work with several coworker who weep and beg us not to call the police after see an assaulting one was the coworker who did the abuse. Another I lost to domestic violence because she wouldn't leave her boyfriend.

Buffy01 · Jun 05, 2018 at 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Middlemarcher

How many times has he told you before that he won’t hit you again?

I agree how many times have you been hit and he said he change? He hasn't changed. Will not change and never will change. If he love you he wouldn't abuse you.

Buffy01 · Jun 05, 2018 at 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tyffani

Why would you say something like that..? My husband doesn't hit me every other day.. the last incident was the first time in years... He apologized and hasn't done it again...
He hasn't used meth again... I've been watching him very closely... He was being a little better...
He's not a bad father... He hasn't hurt our daughter.. we take care of her...

He is hurting your daughter every time he hits you. I watch my nieces and nephews go through this. The best thing we could do was call the police and have my brother arrest and one of their spouses. Put the violence on record.

Tyffani · Jun 13, 2018 at 07:13 PM

I guess you were all right.. I'm pretty sure it's over for good now...

We decided to go out for the night and get a hotel... We left my daughter with my mom.. we had a really nice day out and when we got to the hotel everything was going just fine... Then his ****ing ex-friend texted "yeah, I had fun too. Can't wait to see you again" completely out of the blue...
Of course my husband saw it first and lost it immediately... I tried to tell him I didn't know what the hell he was talking about.. that I never texted him or anything... But he was so pissed and said he didn't believe me....
No matter what I said he just got more upset... So I got worried and said I was gonna just go... He grabbed me and threw me back.. and he beat the **** out of me... And then forced himself on me.... He said I didn't have the right to just leave.... and kept calling me a *****...
I feel so stupid.... I hate living like this... I wish I could die... But I know I can't just abandon my daughter... My body hurts so much still... I feel like such a failure... So pathetic... I hate this...

~Christina · Jun 13, 2018 at 07:39 PM

Call the police....

Think of it this way .... if a man treated your daughter this way what would you do ???

divine1966 · Jun 13, 2018 at 07:43 PM

Call 911. Press charges now. ASAP.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Should I tell my husband?

My Support Forums

Middlemarcher Member Member Since May 2013 Location: USA Posts: 360 10 320 hugs given	Jun 03, 2018 at 02:50 PM #23 How many times has he told you before that he won’t hit you again?
	Reply With Quote

Tyffani Member Member Since Apr 2018 Location: USA Posts: 55 5 2 hugs given	Jun 03, 2018 at 02:57 PM #25 I don't know what I can say... I'm sorry....
	Reply With Quote

~Christina Legendary Wise Elder Community Liaison Member Since Jul 2011 Location: Tennessee Posts: 22,450 (SuperPoster!) 12 12.7k hugs given	Jun 13, 2018 at 07:39 PM #39 Call the police.... Think of it this way .... if a man treated your daughter this way what would you do ??? __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
	Reply With Quote

divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,372 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Jun 13, 2018 at 07:43 PM #40 Call 911. Press charges now. ASAP.
	Reply With Quote