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Member
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 30
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Jun 12, 2018 at 03:45 PM
#1
MY GF of 18 months just moved out and I am rereading old text trying to see when and where I started loosing trust. In doing so it's sending my mind to all sorts of places and placing blame on myself. For simply not listening. I learned last week she had feelings for someone with whom she works with, she admitted to me that when I/we lost our emotional connect, She connected with him.
She herself suffers from PTSD from an abusive father relationship. I know she has already kissed this dude and let him touch her, but that's all I know, she texted her BFF and said all she wants is to get high and have sex, with home or whoever IDK. Do I need to just accept it and let it go, we have not spoke in a little under 5 days and one text about her mail that has not come in? __________________ Simply Shattered |
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 earthlove, MickeyCheeky, s4ndm4n2006, Shazerac
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ɘvlovƎ
Member Since Nov 2013
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Jun 13, 2018 at 04:47 AM
#2
If you dated for 18 months, that was a serious relationship. No harm in picking up the phone and being brutally honest with her, just as you have here, and tell her how you have been feeling / what you have been doing.
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 MajorGiles99
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
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Jun 13, 2018 at 05:03 AM
#3
Your decision. You can call her, or decide to move on starting from now.. I'm sorry for what you've been through.
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MajorGiles99
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Member
Member Since May 2018
Location: US
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Jun 13, 2018 at 06:57 AM
#4
It sounds like she's ready to move along (showing interest in another man), but you're not. I don't know your gf, but if she's at the point of already flirting, heck, showing affection to someone else, that's a sign she's not willing to commit here. You also mentioned that things started to drift around the times she had feelings for him, another red flag.
My heart aches for you. It's up to you what you do. Think about how much time and energy you want to put into this relationship. Is she going to continue putting you through this? Is there a chance this behavior is a result of her mental health issues? Is she doing this without any regard to your feelings? Things to think about... |
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MajorGiles99
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
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Jun 13, 2018 at 10:07 AM
#5
It could be she caused the loss if emotional connect at that time because she became interested in that other guy.....at what point in the 18 months did that happen?
For me, the bottlm line would be that anyone interested in just getting high & having sex would NOT be allowed into my life at at intimate level in the first place no matter what the cause may be. __________________  Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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MajorGiles99
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Member
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Location: CA
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Jun 13, 2018 at 01:18 PM
#6
Quote:
It started in Nov of last year, about 3 months after we moved in together, 11 months after our relationship started. I hate that I feel so strongly about her and that she has done this, I don't know if I could ever trust her again. __________________ Simply Shattered |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 30
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Jun 13, 2018 at 01:21 PM
#7
Quote:
It's possible her own mental issues are playing a role, she is very immature. I wanted to give her a safe place to call home. Instead once I started to loose trust I push her away ever so slowly, anyway that is how I am feeling. Had she not left I would have / could have forgiven. But now I am simply sad. __________________ Simply Shattered |
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: USA
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Jun 13, 2018 at 10:26 PM
#8
I'm very sorry you've gone through this. It definitely sounds like a "go find a more mature gal" situation. Perhaps she needs to get her heart broken a few times to knock some maturity into her, or maybe she's just destined to be someone who doesn't commit and hops around. Regardless, you can do better than that. There's gals out there who are ready for a good guy to start a life with.
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MajorGiles99
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Grand Magnate
Member Since May 2015
Location: earth
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Jun 14, 2018 at 10:21 AM
#9
It’s normal and healthy to look at how we may have contributed to a break down in a relationship. That being said I think it sounds like this relationship is over. It’s sad that she has PTSD but that does not excuse her cheating on you. My vote is that you let her go and move on to a better place.
__________________  Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg 
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MajorGiles99
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Member
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: CA
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Jun 14, 2018 at 10:28 AM
#10
Everyday I am trying to ease my thoughts of her and the future I thought we could have had. But the odds were against us and I ...... failed.
__________________ Simply Shattered |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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Jun 14, 2018 at 10:48 AM
#11
Don't take on the owning of failed.....in a relationship BOTH fail to make it work. Neither ine is fully responsible.
__________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since May 2015
Location: earth
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Jun 14, 2018 at 10:59 AM
#12
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__________________ Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: limbo
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Jun 14, 2018 at 11:05 AM
#13
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Although everything in you wants to 'figure out" where it went wrong, free yourself from the idea that it was anything you did. |
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| MajorGiles99
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MajorGiles99
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Member
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Jun 14, 2018 at 11:32 AM
#14
Quote:
As I reread her text to me and she had told me, I wasn't giving her the emotional support she needed. I heard it at the time but didn't listen. Rereading thru the text just sent me into a bad place. How was I so blind and deaf, I made adjustments tried to open up more, but when some doubt sunk in, based on things I began reading and thinking and over thinking, my worst nightmare became a truth. That being said I also saw this coming and did not want to accept it. I thought we could weather the storm and come out stronger and how I missed it IDK. With the last couple of weeks we were together there was discussions of getting a bigger place, so her siblings could come and stay and not invade the living room. Talk of other trips away and then it all vanished. I feel used and like a fool. Thank you for your words. __________________ Simply Shattered |
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| eskielover
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Jun 14, 2018 at 11:35 AM
#15
Quote:
I am really trying to do just that, but I find it exceptionally hard not to mentally punish myself. __________________ Simply Shattered |
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
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Jun 14, 2018 at 01:00 PM
#16
Quote:
I get that, even though in our minds it's the logical thing to do.. the tendency is to try and figure out what we did. I don't say that as if it's an easy task but as encouragement to keep trying.  some of it is simply getting some distance from the event too, it does get easier. dw.
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| MajorGiles99
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MajorGiles99
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Member Since Jun 2018
Location: CA
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Jun 15, 2018 at 02:00 PM
#17
8 days in and I am still in deep thoughts over this, going to work is a challenge and going home to an empty place even harder. This sucks
__________________ Simply Shattered |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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Jun 15, 2018 at 02:38 PM
#18
Time will make it better especially if you understand you are actually better off now than before. Transitions are always difficult.
__________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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| MajorGiles99
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MajorGiles99
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Member
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: CA
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Jun 15, 2018 at 05:04 PM
#19
Too bad there isn't a time machine, to accelerate forward to get past this or reverse to stop it from ever being an issue.
I gave up so much for this relationship only to be burned and I am mad at myself for not being more proactive and mad at myself for allowing this person to hurt me so much and I also hurt someone else's feelings too for that I am especially mad at myself. Even though that relationship was tanked for almost 10 years... I am such a fool... __________________ Simply Shattered |
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| eskielover, Shazerac
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Grand Magnate
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Jun 16, 2018 at 12:28 PM
#20
You are not a fool. Maybe you did make mistakes, but you are human and humans make mistakes. Chalk it up as a learning experience. It’s not easy to do and the breakdown of a relationship is always a sad thing. But it takes 2 people to make a relationship to work. No part of this is 100% your doing.
__________________ Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg
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| MajorGiles99
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