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Grand Magnate
Member Since May 2015
Location: earth
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#21
Just a thought. Sometimes when I have an experience like what you suffered through I write a loooooooong letter and let it all hang out. Betrayal, hurt, after all I did for you... you done me wrong. You selfish bastard! Curse his ancestors, wish that he would fall in a hole and fall straight to Hell. Be imaginative.
Get it all out. Then burn the letter. Watch it go up in smoke and try to let your pain evaporate and float away and fall to ashes. Have a ritual like this helps release the bad feelings. Another thing I’ve done is write the name of the person or group that hurt me and abused me on a rock. Then I go to a river, lake, or the ocean and throw it in. I find it very cathartic. __________________ Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg |
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Anonymous40643
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graystreet
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#22
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Shazerac
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
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#23
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__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Anonymous40643
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#24
LOL... applause! I got to the bottom of it, thanks to everyone's input and help, here!! Yes, I now see this much more clearly... thank you for your input and support!
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Perpetually Pondering
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Member Since Apr 2013
Location: New England
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#25
The thing about forgiving oneself, for me personally is to go back and give myself an honest assessment of myself for starters. (I'm looking back on some of my personal journal notes and toggling back here, for the record)
"I truly thought.....xyz.... "I truly believed...xyz... "I believed they were meeting me in the same place...same plane...shared vision..goals, etc... "What I realized.... "...not having my better interests... "...didn't recognize it because....(that's where the trusting nature comes to play for me)...focus on their life/complaints/critiques/emotions... "....bottled things up.... Sometimes life becomes convoluted. And sometimes the toxic nature of a relationship isn't blatantly obvious. Sometimes it's insidious. How were you supposed to immediately know it wasn't right for you? Aren't some relationships designed to run their course? Sometimes it's not immediately clear. Sometimes it's downright confusing because the guy can be giving you warmth and attention and it seems like it's legit. And to an extent it is legit. At the same time, is it with what's best for Eve or what's best/or in it for them? My thought isn't so much on why he'd say that causing you to believe the entire thing was a lie or a shame but is he perfectly incapable of fostering the depth and nurturing that has you in mind? |
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Anonymous40643
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#26
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Some things were obvious in first few months that I should have paid greater attn. to --- stealing, being cruel to me once..... some doubts I had... I should have listened to my own doubts. But I cannot beat myself. up forever.... |
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healingme4me
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Perpetually Pondering
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Location: New England
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#27
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Anonymous40643
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#28
Yes, you're right. Self-forgiveness is an important step in healing.... I suppose that's where I need to be right now.
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healingme4me
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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#29
You gave this ex way more than he deserved and that is what you need to finally recognize about that relationship.
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Anonymous40643
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divine1966
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#30
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Open Eyes
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2015
Location: Philadelphia PA.
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#31
First I want to wish you Seesaw well My take is you seem to be way overcritical about yourself We are all human and we make mistakes Thing to do is to learn from them Pleas don't be so hard on yourself. I too suffered an abusive, mostly verbal relationship Don't mean to compare. Only saying I can and do relate. Therapy helped me. I like reading the suggestions, insights of other members who posted here. I find them helpful reading different perspectives Hoping you received some benefits from the replies here too.
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Anonymous40643
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#32
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
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#33
I’ve had cruel words flung at me like poo, words that cut to the core by an evil narcissist, used like throwing knives. I am trying now to not set myself up for that any more. No more relationships with those people. Find new, better quality people who don’t fling poo.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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#34
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
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#35
Exactly. What is wrong with us in the first place, to have gotten into relationships with these people???
1. My mother— couldn’t avoid that. She programmed me. Hello! How’s your relationship with yours? __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Anonymous40643
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#36
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There's nothing with us per se, we just got the raw end of the deal as kids. :/ |
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
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#37
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My deal is I am mortified to hear my mother come out of my mouth to be verbally abusive to my husband. I vowed I would never be like her (such an abusive Narcissist), and I cannot help it when her anger and the way she thinks, it comes out of me. It repulses me so bad it makes me angry at myself and that is what triggers the Borderline behavior. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Anonymous40643
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#38
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I did.. I used to mimic my mother's behavior & would accept the unacceptable, but I finally broke the abusive pattern I was in and now am in a far healthier relationship. I am very sorry for what you experience --- can you stop yourself every time you start to hear your mother creep in? |
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
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#39
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I’m glad you feel that this new relationship is healthy and these behaviors are not happening. I’d love for that to be the case for me too. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Anonymous40643
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#40
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I'd love that for you, too... a healthy relationship. It's my first in a very very long time...... years and years. Cutting all toxic people out of my life has been the best thing I ever could have done for myself. When it's your own mother, that's much harder - if not impossible sometimes - but you can have strict boundaries, even with family members. Yeah, don't call your friend. Do yourself a huge favor (and your mental health) and get rid of any toxic friends.... they won't do you any good. |
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TishaBuv
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