Now I'm selfish for wanting to move out

Aviza · Jun 15, 2018 at 03:51 PM

So I talked with my family about moving out, and got the 3rd degree. I'm supposed to do for the family and quit geing so selfish. Mom is getting old and needs other eyes on her. She said even though her husband was here she got herself to the hospital so it's not like she really needs me. But if i move on my own I'm committing some grave sin against the family. I really feel like I'm stuck. It's ruining my life living with my mom.

mote.of.soul · Jun 15, 2018 at 04:10 PM

My goodness, I can only imagine what that must be like, but I know what it feels like to be in a position where you need to leave for your own mental well-being. Maybe you should just go. Not cut ties with your family at all, of course, but just go and worry about the consequences after. At least you'll have your own space to tackle problems. A certain freedom.

Aviza · Jun 15, 2018 at 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

My goodness, I can only imagine what that must be like, but I know what it feels like to be in a position where you need to leave for your own mental well-being. Maybe you should just go. Not cut ties with your family at all, of course, but just go and worry about the consequences after. At least you'll have your own space to tackle problems. A certain freedom.

I'm not sure I can now. They really attacked me. This apartment is an answer to my prayers and now I'm getting too scared to take it. And I don't have therapy this week.

eskielover · Jun 15, 2018 at 08:03 PM

Don't let fear stop you. This is what you need for your OWN family. Just let them know you have a phone & if an EMERGENCY comes up yiu will be there for them but you & your daughter NEED & deserve to have your own life by this age.

mote.of.soul · Jun 15, 2018 at 08:17 PM

Yes, eskielover [previous comment] is right Aviza. And in terms of having no therapy this week, you may find it a bit more difficult through the week but the sacrifice will be worth it in the longer run. Plus you can keep reaching out to PC for some support. It'll be okay.

ShadowGX · Jun 15, 2018 at 09:42 PM

Don't let them bully you. What they're doing is selfish. Why is no one else in your family expected to push aside their entire lives for your mom, but you were? I'd wager part of them being upset is because it means they might have to deal with her more when it was supposed to be you.

Shazerac · Jun 16, 2018 at 12:24 PM

Your family is guilt tripping you and extremely manipulative. What it boils down to is wanting a free live in care taker. Standing up for yourself and moving out can be a huge opportunity for personal growth and assertiveness.

If it were me I would say something along the lines of “I’m moving out for my own self care needs.” If they think that you mom needs help then suggest that they live with her or make arrangement for a visiting home care professional.

You have a right to live an independent life. you really are not required to explain yourself or argue with them about it. No future discussion them with will make them “see the light.” It’s a waste of time and emotional energy. Make your plans, follow though and get your own place.

divine1966 · Jun 17, 2018 at 06:57 AM

What??? Your mother is married and still wants you to live with them? Is it possible they don’t want you to move out because they don’t think you can take care of yourself rather than expecting you take care of them? Have you ever lived alone?

eskielover · Jun 17, 2018 at 07:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

What??? Your mother is married and still wants you to live with them? Is it possible they don’t want you to move out because they don’t think you can take care of yourself rather than expecting you take care of them? Have you ever lived alone?

I was wondering the same thing. Sometimes parents will make it about them when in reality it is for the concern of the family member they are trying to make sure is really ok.

Just how stable is your bipolar with phycosis that your profile states yiu deal with? Could ut be that their REAL concern is for yiu & your daughter (it may be overprotective.....but parents always want to care for their kids no matter what their age when they know there could be a problem)

divine1966 · Jun 17, 2018 at 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

I was wondering the same thing. Sometimes parents will make it about them when in reality it is for the concern of the family member they are trying to make sure is really ok.

Just how stable is your bipolar with phycosis that your profile states yiu deal with? Could ut be that their REAL concern is for yiu & your daughter (it may be overprotective.....but parents always want to care for their kids no matter what their age when they know there could be a problem)

In my understanding daughter lives with her father full time due to OP losing custody. It can’t be easy all together but I suspect they are worried a lot. Like what if you move out and then move those horrible men in? like the financial scammer one or a violent one like the last one. Plus with no car they must worry how you’ll get around with no car. There might be more to all this

Aviza · Jun 17, 2018 at 06:05 PM

I have a car not talking to any men right now and it's subsidized can't move anyone in. Plus when my car breaks down my services are in walking distance. Yes they worry about me relapsing. But my mom also thinks I should skip therapy to do chores for her. No lie. I've been stable nearly a year. Prior to the last break was stable for 9 years.

Albatross2008 · Jun 17, 2018 at 08:57 PM

They're trying to keep a hold of your puppet strings. They don't want you where they can't control you. Please, don't be afraid to move out and live your own life.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Now I'm selfish for wanting to move out

My Support Forums

mote.of.soul Mad Walker Member Since Jan 2018 Location: New Zealand Posts: 13,094 (SuperPoster!) 6 21.9k hugs given	Jun 15, 2018 at 04:10 PM #2 My goodness, I can only imagine what that must be like, but I know what it feels like to be in a position where you need to leave for your own mental well-being. Maybe you should just go. Not cut ties with your family at all, of course, but just go and worry about the consequences after. At least you'll have your own space to tackle problems. A certain freedom.
	Reply With Quote

mote.of.soul Mad Walker Member Since Jan 2018 Location: New Zealand Posts: 13,094 (SuperPoster!) 6 21.9k hugs given	Jun 15, 2018 at 08:17 PM #5 Yes, eskielover [previous comment] is right Aviza. And in terms of having no therapy this week, you may find it a bit more difficult through the week but the sacrifice will be worth it in the longer run. Plus you can keep reaching out to PC for some support. It'll be okay.
	Reply With Quote

ShadowGX Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: USA Posts: 1,114 6 754 hugs given	Jun 15, 2018 at 09:42 PM #6 Don't let them bully you. What they're doing is selfish. Why is no one else in your family expected to push aside their entire lives for your mom, but you were? I'd wager part of them being upset is because it means they might have to deal with her more when it was supposed to be you. __________________
	Reply With Quote

divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,367 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Jun 17, 2018 at 06:57 AM #8 What??? Your mother is married and still wants you to live with them? Is it possible they don’t want you to move out because they don’t think you can take care of yourself rather than expecting you take care of them? Have you ever lived alone?
	Reply With Quote

Albatross2008 Grand Poohbah Member Since Nov 2017 Location: USA Posts: 1,627 6 342 hugs given	Jun 17, 2018 at 08:57 PM #12 They're trying to keep a hold of your puppet strings. They don't want you where they can't control you. Please, don't be afraid to move out and live your own life.
	Reply With Quote