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DazedandConfused254
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Default Jun 20, 2018 at 09:29 PM
  #1
You know what makes me sick? A lifetime of being told that directly addressing my thoughts is the sign of a mental/psychiatric problem, especially for rather severe disorders. I've been told that the only people who do so are ones with ADHD, autistic disorders, OCD, you name it. I'm not the person who leaves everything unfiltered, for instance I would genuinely complement a future wife even if I hated the way she looked. But when I have wanted to be sharp to the point with some of my recent struggles, including issues with transitioning to grad school, family life, and social life, it's like people just stand there screaming at me for how ugly my life looks in response to simply reaching out for help. I hope this is not a sign of mental/behavior disorderdness, because I certainly feel that way after people have taken joy in pathologizing my every quirk.

I didn't know where else to turn after I was even told by my professional counselor that being direct with people could be none other than the sign of a psychiatric problem. Is being direct or honest an admirable trait or just an imperfection that needs to be erased from my personality? Am I crazy? Sorry for the venting. Please help

Last edited by DazedandConfused254; Jun 20, 2018 at 10:17 PM..
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Default Jun 20, 2018 at 09:50 PM
  #2
Black and white thinking is considered in this field a sign of disordered thinking. It denotes inflexibility and a certain rigidness that can lead to low level emotional tolerances which can create dysfunction of behaviors.

It can also be used in social constructs as an intellectual insult.

It depends.

Are the opinions of these individuals holding you back from your goals and ambitions? Or is this more a philosophical discussion in your circle?
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Default Jun 20, 2018 at 10:09 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
Black and white thinking is considered in this field a sign of disordered thinking. It denotes inflexibility and a certain rigidness that can lead to low level emotional tolerances which can create dysfunction of behaviors.

It can also be used in social constructs as an intellectual insult.

It depends.

Are the opinions of these individuals holding you back from your goals and ambitions? Or is this more a philosophical discussion in your circle?
Most of the time this has been the former...the opinions of such people more recently has transformed me from being a happy-go-lucky person to a cynical jerk, and this has really cramped my emotional health in recent years and has hindered me from getting help. Plus I just recently left a bad group of people who were overly rigid in their behaviors and thinking.
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Default Jun 20, 2018 at 10:09 PM
  #4
I personally find it a good trait because I need people to be direct with me or I simply won't get their social hints, then they get mad at me for not getting it or I get frustrated because I can sense something is off but can't tell what. People naturally do not do that though, so when you are "blunt" it's seen as abnormal. People don't like bluntness - it's seen as rude, but also people don't like to hear the truth sometimes.

Black and white thinking is as healingme4me said, it supposedly means you're inflexible and that's not "healthy". I can't really argue with that as much as I don't like the sound of it because I'm pretty broken and think a lot in black and white, but I also try to consider grey. In some cases I can see why it's bad to not see the grey areas, but in other ways it just doesn't make sense and yet I've been told that me being able to make a clear decision on which side is black and which is white is an incorrect way of thinking.

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Default Jun 20, 2018 at 10:16 PM
  #5
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I personally find it a good trait because I need people to be direct with me or I simply won't get their social hints, then they get mad at me for not getting it or I get frustrated because I can sense something is off but can't tell what. People naturally do not do that though, so when you are "blunt" it's seen as abnormal. People don't like bluntness - it's seen as rude, but also people don't like to hear the truth sometimes.

Black and white thinking is as healingme4me said, it supposedly means you're inflexible and that's not "healthy". I can't really argue with that as much as I don't like the sound of it because I'm pretty broken and think a lot in black and white, but I also try to consider grey. In some cases I can see why it's bad to not see the grey areas, but in other ways it just doesn't make sense and yet I've been told that me being able to make a clear decision on which side is black and which is white is an incorrect way of thinking.
Thank you @ShadowGX. I guess people just have an ego that's larger than themselves sometimes.
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Default Jun 21, 2018 at 06:03 AM
  #6
I can tell you from my own experience that being “ direct and honest “ will
not make you many friends. People do not want to hear the truth about anything. It makes them uncomfortable. Most people get through life wearing a “mask” of some kind as a defense mechanism. I do believe though that not everything is just black or white. There is a gray area. And that’s usually the center. Finding that grey area will likely make things a lot easier for you. But I will never give up a trait that I believe is admirable just because people don’t want to hear the truth. I guess you have to learn how to navigate through your interactions with others. Finally, I don’t believe at all that this part of your personality is any kind of “ mental instability “.

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Default Jun 21, 2018 at 03:12 PM
  #7
Lacking tact is not part of any mental illness I know of. People aren’t supposed to blurt out everything they think. It’s hurtful. If that’s what you are doing, that’s why people are criticizing you about it.

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Default Jun 21, 2018 at 06:20 PM
  #8
I don't think being direct and honest is a sign of a mental illness. Where in the world are these people getting that from?

Now, if that honesty is very hurtful or socially inappropriate, then yes, it could be a sign of a problem of sorts.... a social ineptitude, let's say, or something else, but not necessarily mental illness. However, I am no psych doc nor do I pretend to be one on TV, lol.

Bottom line is: as long as that honesty is in an effort to be completely open about what is happening in your life, or in someone else's life, then there should be no issue. I appreciate it when my friends are very honest and direct with me, even if it's not what I want to hear, so there's that side of it too.

Hope I didn't misunderstand the question.
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Default Jun 21, 2018 at 06:32 PM
  #9
I think TishaBuv hit on it mentioning tact. I'm probably one of the most direct people around. Friends used to tell me I called a spade a friggin' shovel. I've learn to leave the "friggin'" part out, for the most part. I believe it is possible to be direct with people without being hurtful. example - if another person and I have different opinions on something I can tactfully say "I'm sorry I disagree. What say we agree to disagree?" rather than "What are you some bone headed idiot!? You're wrong!"

Having said that I also believe there are times when telling a white lie to save someone's feelings is appropriate.
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Default Jun 21, 2018 at 07:32 PM
  #10
Being direct & honest isn't in itself a sign on mental illness, HOW you express it definitely can. Blurting out whatever one thinks without a filter if being tactful is definitely a sign of a problem.....thinking the thoughts through & expressing them in a thoughtful way shows emotional maturity.

HOWEVER .....in my marriage, I had lost ALL tolerance & was pushed to the point I didn't care how I said what I said before I was finally able to leave. I think in a relationship that is strained anyway there can come a time when people don't care how they say what they have to say.....usually called "burning bridges"

So there is no actual one set answer. It really does depend on the actual situation/relationship involved in.

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Default Jun 21, 2018 at 07:50 PM
  #11
I think it’s a personality thing. It can also be a cultural thing. I’m sure we could all be categorized and labeled in one way or another. Anything can be considered unhealthy, technically... depending on the extreme.. I have a pretty blunt personality at times. It’s just who I am. I tend to prefer blunt people much better than people who are manipulative and insincere. Do you handle people being blunt in return? My only compliant is when people are blunt with me but don’t handle it well if I am blunt with them.
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Default Jun 22, 2018 at 12:44 AM
  #12
My mental illness has the trait of black and white thinking. I can also be direct. In my personal experience, one does not have much to do with the other. I struggled with black and white thinking even in my younger days, when I had more issues expressing my opinion. I struggled perhaps even more when I wasn't honest and direct with people.

I think someone already mentioned tact, and I will agree. Being direct needs to be tempered with tact or it can be a problem. I'm not always great at this. It's when I don't read the situation and still speak up that I tend to find myself not very popular.
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Default Jun 22, 2018 at 01:38 PM
  #13
“Someone who is about to admonish another must realize within himself five qualities before doing so, thus:

In due season will I speak, not out of season.

In truth I will speak, not in falsehood.

Gently will I speak, not harshly.

To his profit will I speak, not to his loss.

With kindly intent will I speak, not in anger.”

—The Buddha

Someone Who Is About To Admonish Another Must Real - Beliefnet - Vinaya Pitaka translated by FS Woodward Quote - Someone who is about to
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Default Jun 22, 2018 at 04:05 PM
  #14
Tact is a skill. One needs to effectively know when to be direct and when not to. Not understanding this very much is a problem and it will in fact affect your relationships with others. Lacking tact is a part of social awkwardness; and yes, an MI does come to mind.

A very big part of learning when to be direct and when not to lies with that of effective communication skills. One must be good at reading non-verbal communication and signals. One must learn to read the situation and make their choice accordingly.

There are those times when being direct is in fact required but one needs to carefully draw upon their tactful skills. To be direct, you need to gauge your ability to be diplomatic before proceeding.
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Default Jun 23, 2018 at 09:29 AM
  #15
Well said justafriend.

I find that most times I start off with tact then if that keeps on not working I end up bring out the "DIRECT" baseball bat to see if I can get through their thick head.

I just realized that now that I live around people who are capable of listening & understanding what I say being tactful is so much easier & being direct is unnecessary.

Having grown up around parents who needed to be spoken to in a direct way for 21 years & then 33 years married to someone who needed everything spelled out.......it was such a relief to finally be away from that & learn how to normally communicate with people again. It actually took awhile to learn that direct was not necessary in my new environment but it was sure a peaceful feeling

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Default Jun 25, 2018 at 10:33 AM
  #16
Whether honesty is healthy depends on the kind of communication.

People say brutal honesty, but there's also gentle or kind honesty.

It's all in how you do it.

Are you being direct to feel self-important? Or are you being direct to help the other person?
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Default Jun 29, 2018 at 10:49 PM
  #17
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Whether honesty is healthy depends on the kind of communication.

People say brutal honesty, but there's also gentle or kind honesty.

It's all in how you do it.

Are you being direct to feel self-important? Or are you being direct to help the other person?
Thank you all for your posts. Sorry it's just now I'm getting to you guys. Been a busy week.

@WasabiAlmonds But yeah to answer your question I have been direct on a couple of occasions to attract attention, but most of the time this is not the case. I typically have a "filter" to catch words that could possibly be used to hurt others.

The reason I brought this to a thread is because I've asked so-called friends for help and encouragement when I started struggling with school, a new job, and becoming unsatisfied with my family life, so I looked up to people in my group that I pretty much did everything with. I thought I was in a safe place when my best friends in my bestie group shared literally everything with each other, but then I ended up getting judged and ignored, even when I tried to be as polite as possible.
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