Depressed partner continued

I’m sorry if this is too forward, but may I ask you for advice?

My boyfriend & I have both suffered from low self esteem & depression, but support each other on a daily basis to help the other. Usually we get by fine, & have many happy days/memories. He’s been especially down lately, but insists he’s fine, I remind him I’m here, I hug him, & tell him I love him. I know he’s bothered that we’re spending a week with his father who’s likely to prod at him for not getting a job he wanted him to have. He feels guilty I pay more of the bills, & he always says he self sabotages things because he doesn’t think he deserves them.

He loves Alice in Wonderland, also Sushi. I made an unbirthday party with his favorite sushi last night. He ate, & barely said a word. I sat at the table afterwards crying. He heard me, & came to wash my face. Asked if I wanted another cup of tea, & then left the room.

I went to bed crying, afraid I’m loosing him. We always say we’re a family, & I feel like I’m being left out, & something is going on that he won’t talk about. He came in, we talked, & I told him how I feel, my concerns, I asked him to talk, to tell me what’s going on, & he barley spoke, seemed more frustrated that I was still concerned.

This morning he got ready for work, & quietly closed the door when he leaves. Over 3 years together, he’s never left without giving me a kiss, & saying I love you. I ran out into the rain, said “excuse me” & hugged him, kissed, him, & I love you. He barely hugged back, & said “I have to go to work”

I don’t know what to do. We’re about to move into our new house together, 2 weeks ago he asked my dad for permission to marry me, but something is off, & I want to help him, I just don’t know what to do.

Most depressed people need their space and want to be left alone at times. When I was depressed, I did not want to be with anybody. I was tired and had no energy. Talking to someone became a chore. I would give him time and space to recover. I would not judge him during this time but be supportive and understanding. Smother love is not love and suffocating. I would just let him be until he can be himself again. I am hoping you both are seeking professional help for your so-called depression. Talk therapy or counseling might help you both. I would not interpret his actions while being depressed as being his usual self. Thus, giving him time and space to get over his depression may be the best thing you can do at this time while seeking professional help in the meantime. Patience and understanding are essential now.

Also, I would focus on yourself too. I would try to do things that make you happy and take care of yourself first as a priority. If you aren't happy, there is no possibility that focusing on making him happy is going to make you happy. It is wise to find happiness for yourself by focusing on your needs then when you are able to do this, you can focus on giving yourself to others. I know how you feel about thinking that his happiness will be yours too. It is not healthy to think that making others happy will make you happy. Your happiness should be your priority and should come from within you. I don't know if I'm making sense but I was like you once and thought making others happy would make me happy. It never did. Now, I focus on myself and find things to do for myself. And, I am able to be supportive of others now because my happiness is not dependent on others making me happy. Of course, I feel good when I can make others smile but the essential core of happiness comes from within me. I hope this makes sense?