Friend or Foe?

I have this friend who I have currently blocked on all social media and feel I need to keep from my life.

What happened this time is she acted way too interested and involved in my divorce.

Last Friday, she called me and taunted me yet again, antagonizing, about my husband and I getting back together, my taking him back. I told her I didn’t want to discuss anything with her. She refused to back off. She proceeded to text bomb me about how I have BPD and I better not divorce my husband because I am miserable with or without him. I would text back “I have corrected you several times already about how I was never diagnosed with BPD. You are such a bad friend. I won’t discuss this with you. Stop texting me. Back off.” But she wouldn’t stop text bombing me.

I don’t know what her problem is and why she felt she had to harass me so bad I would defriend her.

Is she even a genuine friend or is this the behavior of a foe?

Who the hell is she to tell me I shouldn’t divorce my husband— while I am divorcing my husband? Is she just trying to screw with my head?

Normally, I don’t let her get to me. I dismiss most of what she says. But this weekend, she was a contributor to my major PTSD meltdown over my son. It was an overload between her, my mother, my husband, and then what my son did.

So, needing to protect myself, I can’t have this friend anymore. I wish I knew if I could trust that she was truly a friend or not.

How aggravating!!!

Some people feel the need to meddle. My sister in law was literally mad at me when I left my ex whom I was not even married to. She demanded to know when I planned on going back to him and even insisted she invites him to family events to facilitate our get together. It was horrid. When I told her that I moved on, she literally raised her voice at me how dare I move on. She isn’t a bad person, she just feels a need to meddle like this. Your friend is meddling. Don’t listen to her.

So she just wants to feel a sense of self importance? Is that her motive?

Over all these years, mostly she calls me. Sometimes I’d be crying and have to tell her what’s wrong, only because SHE CALLED while I was crying, which was often. I never chose to confide in her, she’d force it out of me by calling all the time and getting it out of me.

Then, she always throws it in my face. She keeps saying, “For years I listened to you cry and complain...”. Now I don’t want to discuss my divorce, she can’t stand it. Like it’s HER business. So strange. I can’t understand.

She text bombs me with rants until I am saying “Just leave me alone” and she won’t stop to the point where I say, “You have no respect for me. You know no boundaries.” She knows I mean it when I “defriend” her. I have gone years before without her, several times, because she pushes boundaries way too far. Why did she sabotage herself?

And her nerve, to continue to tell me I have BPD, even though I have corrected her many times and explained to her what I do have and what my doctors have said. That is so very, very insulting and rude. She texts me the BPD checklist and says I have it. She diagnosed me! Unbelievable! Is that a friend? In any given universe, is that a friend?

No not a friend.

Or maybe she is unwell. Mentally psychologically speaking. My sister in law says the buzarrest things, she is not well. When she is particularly unwell she says the worst things.

But come think of it I’ve met other people like your friend.

I stopped talking to my childhood friend because she: made fun of MY profession (she has none), demanded things from my now ex husband ( during my marriage and after like bugging him to fix her car- he is NOT car mechanic), always made weird comments and also demanded I do things that I don’t want to do: vacation with her for example.

I stopped contacts completely after my son in law died and she emailed condolences and proceeded to talk about her life at length. All while I was tending to my daughter who was in horrible first stage of grief before even funeral was planned. She made it about her!!! Frankly my former friend has miserable life and perhaps that’s why she wants to put others down.

You need to stop answering the phone or even better block her. Why are you answering? She is bad news

Your "friend" is definitely not respecting you or your boundaries. She is meddling far too much, when you've already said you're going through with the divorce.

This sounds like a very toxic friend. Best to cut her loose. As we've talked about on here, cutting out toxic people in your life is the best thing you can do for yourself.

She just wrote me an email that until I get an intervention or something she doesn’t want to be my friend. Keep in mind, all this is solely coming from her. I am not discussing anything with her except for any info she pumps out of me, and I’ve been handling the divorce process great, with still some indecisive feelings, but sorting them out for myself, not leaning on my friends for advice. I haven’t done anything that warrants this from her. She is making it about her in a way, too. I wrote her back that I think she is the one who is nuts and I won’t be her friend anymore because she can’t control her mouth.

Am I missing something here? Why is my “friend” harassing me and saying I need an intervention? I feel like I’m in The Twilight Zone?

She is being controlling by telling you what your "diagnosis" is and what her beliefs and feelings are around it. An intervention? She needs an intervention! I would walk away from this friendship, and it seems you are. Why bother? Too much drama & negativity. Who needs it.

I actually have bpd and my friends don't throw it in my face. A true friend will talk to you, tell you honest concerns and listen to what you have to say. In the end they support you, even if they dont agree with your decision.

I would block her. Phone, fb, ect and let that friendship die. Make room for someone new who builds you up instead of tearing you down.

Know your worth. You deserve better.

Um, what then enriches you about this relationship?

Exactly what TheSadGirl said. A friend will not throw in your face what is wrong with you, and sure as heck won't force diagnose you with something... A friend will not do any of what this person has done to you. Get rid of her, she's just a toxic person who needs help herself.

I have BPD too and no one (but my ex) throws this in my face. She sounds like she may be a little unstable herself. I know it's hard not to respond--I respond to stuff all the time when I shouldn't--but try to just ignore her. She'll burn herself out eventually.

I had one so-called friend tell me to stay in my abusive marriage because it was written in the Bible. I did not ask where, but eventually this so-called friend left me because she had no use for me anymore. I think true friends support your decisions and don't impose theirs. I really would not know what a true friend is though but imagine them to be so. All my so-called friends vanished after I became ill or had no use for me anymore. I don't really care for them either but at the time this so-called friend told me that God will punish me for leaving my abusive ex, I realized she was much more insane than I would ever be and did not respect me nor my decisions. As they say- a true friend is a friend in need and a friend indeed. But, I admit, I've never found such a friend except for my parents who are not my friends by choice but family who are my best friends to me. They help me at times when I needed help and nobody else has done so. Some strangers at the homeless shelter gave me advice to go home to my family instead of being homeless. They were strangers but they offered me the best advice. So, I found that some strangers who mean well are nicer to me than others who I may know well. What an irony!!

There’s another side to her that’s funny and sometimes somewhat sincere. I’ve known her since 8th grade. We have so much history.

Unfortunately, no one I know got less toxic as time went on. I really believed she’d grow up and live a pretty normal life. But she’s one step away from getting thrown out in the street, homeless. She ruined her credit with a foreclosure, so I’m not sure she’d be given a rental. She would have probably shown up at my door demanding to move in, and I’d have to have her removed.

She is an extremely difficult person I have been trying to keep as a friend. She’s another one who gaslights me (besides my husband) to the point where I am wondering if I have misunderstood something and am I going insane.

I’ve been thinking about this, and I really think she did this because she wants attention. She is obsessed with me to the point that it’s a little scary.

I’m not going to be her friend anymore. I really mean it this time. I am really eliminating the toxic people from my life.

Now I see she has emailed me a few more times, having another text bombing session by herself. I can’t figure out how to block her on email. I sent the thread to Junk. Something I googled said to mark it Spam and it will block her.

She’s still ranting, saying I have untreated mental illness and throwing at me any dysfunction thing that ever happened involving me in my face.

Nothing happened to provoke this. She’s just attacking me since last week.

There is a woman email harassing me to go for therapy. WTH? I feel like I’m on the show Punked or something.

If it's Gmail, you can set up a filter for her email address so that you don't have to see any further emails from her. You cannot actually block, but you can filter it to spam or trash. Or, if it's another email service provider, you can research online how to block the email address.

Ignore ignore and ignore and don't feed into her toxic drama and BS.

She said in the last message, “Don’t make threats about not being my friend anymore. I don’t want to be your friend either...(until you get help?)

Such unnecessary drama and immaturity. Women over 50. I promise I won’t engage with her.

It wasn’t a threat. I meant it and will see it through. See the total lack of respect for me as a human being? Such disregard. I told her that because she can’t control her mouth we won’t be friends anymore. How’s that a threat? It’s a fact.

See why it’s so confusing whether or not this person is a friend?