My mom has lied to me

For as long as I can recall, my Mom has told me that she wrote a famous song and it was stolen from her when she was just a teenager. She lived in Detroit at the time, was a professional singer and songwriter, at the age of 16. She was in the right place, at the right time, and is a talented songwriter who has written so many other songs, and so it totally made sense.

Similarly, the publishers of the song have a reputation for having stolen songs from young, naive songwriters like her, so the story has always been credible. My Grandparents even told me this story, and so did Mom of course, and while it was always baffling to me that nobody ever took any legal action, I knew my family to be non-litigious and peaceful, and so it made sense and I accepted it. By the time I heard the story, at least 15 years had passed since the song's release, and Mom's claim, like any of these kinds of long-dormant claims, lose credibility with each passing year. They prompt the completely logical defense which asks "So why didn't you say something earlier?"

So it was always Mom's great story of the one that got away. A pity, a slight, and one seemingly too enormous and difficult to put right.

Over the decades, I have told this story, often with her present, as it is an interesting part of our family history. I've probably told it to hundreds of people. She has probably also told it to hundreds of people. Family, partners, husbands, friends, industry people, fans of her career who became friends.

I am 50 now. Mom is 72, and not in the best health. I wanted to right this wrong before she died, so I contacted a woman who is a Forensic Musicologist and lawyer, who I had read was able to connect writers to works, based on patterns, word choice, and other variables that act as a kind of fingerprint of the writer. I emailed her my Mom's claim and two days later, I received a very thoughtful and lengthy reply, with a dozen questions that would have to be answered in order to proceed. i sat with Mom and went through the questions to see if she needed help and she didn't. That was three days ago.

Today, she tells me that it was a lie that she had told to everyone from the very start, and I am absolutely gutted. Admittedly, when she began with this lie, she was just 16, and children lie but the lie has been perpetuated for decades. She and I are very close, and we've had tons of heart-to-heart conversations and confidences. There were thousands of opportunities for her to come clean. Thousands. In the scheme of things, it doesn't matter. I'll thank the Forensic Musicologist for her time and tell her that my Mom is too infirm to recall any more details than what I gave initially, and so we have no real case.

I don't know if I should just let it go, and not tell anyone other than my therapist about it, and allow her to save face. I don't think revealing her to be a liar to my friends, her friends, or family would be helpful.

I just feel so f-ing betrayed, and disappointed. Not that it really matters if she wrote the song or not, but it's just such a part of our history, our life, our story, and knowing that it's not true certainly casts doubt on so many other things.

On the other hand, I cannot imagine this was an easy admission for her, and I respect her courage for coming clean about it. She was so upset she couldn't even cry. I don't have kids but would imagine it is very hard to disappoint them with something like this.

Mom and I will be fine, of course. We are the only real family left and we'll get past this, and I have compassion, but I am not going to comfort her and tell her it's okay, because it isn't okay. It just isn't.

Hello randomgrownup: Thanks for sharing your experience with this. I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

From what you wrote, although you feel betrayed & disappointed about the lie your mother told, it sounds as though you've moved past it. And that's a good thing. But as a result, I won't attempt to offer any sage advice on the subject. (I'm 70 myself! So, at my age, sage advice sort-of comes with the territory so to speak.) My best wishes to you & your mother though.

When I get into situations like this with family or friends I ask myself "How important will this be in one year or five years?" If I think to myself that it's not going to be that important or cha ge my life to any great degree I let it go. Life is short and there are no do overs.

Such an interesting and sad story. Poignant. Even small untruths gain momentum over the years. I understand your frustration at being lied to and think it's admirable that you tried to right a wrong. As an aside, I was thinking that retroactive royalties could have been substantial, though that probably wasn't a consideration; it was just the principle of it that mattered. I hope that writing it here and sharing this with your therapist will take the sting out of it. I don't think that revealing the truth to others will serve any purpose whatsoever.

I can almost feel the agony your mother felt having to fess up to the truth. I guess there are no winners here.

That is disappointing. At the same time, I would be curious to know the story behind the story. To know what drove her hopes, dreams and ambitions? What stunted her from pursuing her dreams that would have created such a tall tale? What type of heartbreak must she of had?

Wow, that's a whopper all right, but, yes, the truth prevailed in the end. Thanks for sharing. It's actually a pretty interesting story.

People lie for so many different reasons. It’s even possible at some point she believes her own lie. I wonder what compelled her to tell this story. Perhaps she had her reasons. There is no reason to tell others at all unless that’s what your mom wants.

it's something that would be interesting to find out what started it in the first place.
All the best to u and your mum.

My mother lies sometimes too. She is emphatic that she is being honest and when I catch her telling me lies, she still denies it. At least, your mother finally honed up to the truth and admitted she lied. Parents are people and are not perfect. Your mother is more than just a lie here and there. I would forgive her and just realize she had her reasons unbeknownst to you and probably make no sense to why she lied. My mother is always right in all situations. OK!! Whatever. However, I still love her because she is my mother who took me back after I was homeless and stayed with me while I was hospitalized and allowed me to come home afterwards. So, petty lies here and there from her, I forgive. She was a true friend when I truly needed one. Enough said.