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Albatross2008
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Default Jun 26, 2018 at 03:15 PM
  #1
It's a recurring theme in my life. I'm in my fifties, but this has been going on since my teen years. I suppose before then, it would have been almost normal behavior, but I still got treated like this even after that age. I have depression/anxiety, and I walk with a cane after an accident years ago. (I wasn't driving, and it wasn't my car.)

I am not stupid.
I am not mentally challenged.
I am not incompetent.
I am not helpless.

I've been treated for most of my life as if I were all of the above. This means people have done all of these things:

* Speak to me in a clear, slow, high-pitched voice with short words and sentences.
* Grab what I'm doing right out of my hands to do it themselves because "you'll probably mess it up," or "I don't want to wait all day."
* Go looking for me in case I got lost, when I'm not even due there yet.
* Call to make sure I'm awake, five minutes before my alarm would have gone off. "Oh, you set an alarm? Well, I didn't know...."
* Repeat the same information several times, and STILL write it down for me just in case I forget.
* Assume I don't drive, and/or act surprised when they find out I do.

What I want to know is, what am I doing that gives this impression to people? Nobody is ever surprised that my husband can drive, or my sister, or my mother, or my neighbor. What's the big deal that I can? I'm not THAT disabled. Why do they assume I am?
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Default Jun 26, 2018 at 06:23 PM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arbie View Post
It's a recurring theme in my life. I'm in my fifties, but this has been going on since my teen years. I suppose before then, it would have been almost normal behavior, but I still got treated like this even after that age. I have depression/anxiety, and I walk with a cane after an accident years ago. (I wasn't driving, and it wasn't my car.)

I am not stupid.
I am not mentally challenged.
I am not incompetent.
I am not helpless.

I've been treated for most of my life as if I were all of the above. This means people have done all of these things:

* Speak to me in a clear, slow, high-pitched voice with short words and sentences.
* Grab what I'm doing right out of my hands to do it themselves because "you'll probably mess it up," or "I don't want to wait all day."
* Go looking for me in case I got lost, when I'm not even due there yet.
* Call to make sure I'm awake, five minutes before my alarm would have gone off. "Oh, you set an alarm? Well, I didn't know...."
* Repeat the same information several times, and STILL write it down for me just in case I forget.
* Assume I don't drive, and/or act surprised when they find out I do.

What I want to know is, what am I doing that gives this impression to people? Nobody is ever surprised that my husband can drive, or my sister, or my mother, or my neighbor. What's the big deal that I can? I'm not THAT disabled. Why do they assume I am?
Oh how aggravating.

Since there is something different about you (cane for example) people make assumptions.

My husband has Tourette’s along with what usually accompanies Tourette’s (OCD in his case), he is RN in a supervisor role and has two bachelor degrees . I had people saying “oh wow he did well for himself, oh wow he accomplished so much”. Like because of Tourette’s he isn’t expected to?

Actually his ex wife didn’t want him to drive because she believed he’d cause an accident due to his disability. He never been in accident and in his entire life got one traffic violation ticket. People also assumed he is in disability and he hasn’t been on one even a day in his life!

Next time they call you to wake you up, do same to them next day. Or repeat everythhng twice! Aggravating
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Default Jun 29, 2018 at 09:52 AM
  #3
This happens to me as well. At my last job a manager didn’t think I was capable of doing the work and he was always asking me if I “understood” the work. It was annoying. The other day at work someone kept asking if I needed help. I guess she had forgotten or didn’t realize that I had been working by myself for 6 months. Just because I’m quiet does not mean I don’t understand and am not capable. At my current job someone asssumed I was a special needs high school student. I have no idea why. I must just “look” like I’m disabled.

For me I either ignore them, or prove them wrong. I talk about driving in front of them, or talk about some other things that they just assume I can’t do.

It’s really frustrating for me because I can’t tell what I’m doing to make these people think that I’m mentally challenged, yet for years people have assumed that of me.
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Default Jun 29, 2018 at 02:10 PM
  #4
I have cerebral palsy. Since I was child the rule has been don't help me unless I ask for it. My family and those who know me well have always been very good at following the rule. There are many well meaning people who want to hold a door for me, which is appreciated if I am using my walker, however when I am walker free for short distances people still want to open a door for me, but when I am walker free that is more of a safety hazard because I use the door to help with balance.

People as sometimes make the error of thinking I am mentally challenged and speak to me in that rather condescending voice when I have the walker, but it only takes a few words from me to realize their error. I just use a very adult vocabulary,but that this even happens in this day and age is ridiculous to me. I have everything in life that my other 8 siblings have. On the other hand I am grateful that there are caring people in the world.

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Default Jun 29, 2018 at 06:03 PM
  #5
I even got that kind of treatment as a child and as a teen, years before the accident happened. What I'm trying to figure out is what it is about me that attracts it.

I was severely hampered in my ability to develop social skills, largely because I never could stay around long enough to develop any. Our family was always moving. I was always changing schools, always the new kid, and never fit in at any of them. This didn't seem to affect my siblings as much, so why did it nearly destroy me?

One difference I had, physically, was front teeth that stuck out pretty far. I mean to the point where I had trouble chewing with my mouth closed. In addition to this, I was taller than the average child my age, and I matured early. I was usually among the youngest in my classes, since my birthday is in summer. Take kindergarten, for example. Most kids turn six at some point during the school year. I didn't turn six until the school year was over.

But even though I was probably younger, I looked older than my age. From about third grade onward, I was bigger, taller, and more developed than most other eight-year-olds. That didn't change until I was about fourteen or fifteen, when everybody else caught up with me. That's about when I got braces, too.

When I was ten years old, I'd say I could have believably claimed to be thirteen. I'm betting that when this new kid walks in, looking noticeably older than her classmates, a lot of people thought I must have been held back a year or two. Why else would somebody who looks thirteen be in fifth grade with all these kids that are ten or eleven? And look at her chewing with her mouth open. Doesn't she know any better than that, at her age?

So they assume I'm stupid and treat me accordingly--which damages my social skills, and sets up self-fulfilling prophecies all around. They've got me under a microscope, watching for any mistake, any little thing I say or do that's "off," which they can used to justify their preconceived notion that I'm stupid. And of course my behavior *was* off, since I was being abused and neglected at home.

So they'd find that weird thing in my behavior and ride my butt about it, letting me know what they think of me. After this happens too often, I start expecting it. So the next new school I go to, I'm overly cautious and defensive, which causes them to perceive me as rude, and mistreatment is the result. Never-ending cycle.

Why it still continues now as an adult, I don't know, unless it's the cane.

Last edited by Albatross2008; Jun 29, 2018 at 06:30 PM..
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