Feeling depressed when alone

I have the tendency to feel depressed when I am alone. When I am with a friend, I may still feel a bit depressed but not as much, but the longer I am alone, the more I start to feel depressed and get extremely anxious. I always feel like I am unwanted, but the feeling intensifies when I am by myself for long periods. I like my alone time but at the same time hate the feeling I get when I am alone. I still do other things by myself that I enjoy, but at the same time I still feel depressed. I

I don't consider myself to be dependent on friends but for some reason I just feel very sad and even worry that I did something to bother them if I don't hear from them after several days, especially if they start talking less or seem less enthusiastic than they used too. If a friend starts acting different, I immediately apologize just in case I did something. My friends would always say I am fine but honestly most people are not going to admit that they are annoyed with you right away, especially if you took the initiative to apologize before they even said anything.

And sometimes doing so seems to help at times which really makes me think they were actually annoyed with me and the fact that I apologized made them feel better. Anyone else have this issue? Is this a form of dependency even though I don't demand them to hang out with me all the time? Just wondered. I know no one needs to hang out all the time. That could actually get old, never understood how some people can hang out literally every day without getting sick of each other. But at the same time, I just get concerned, depressed, and anxious after not hearing from a friend after some time. I feel like it isn't normal but I can't seem to help it or stop it.

How do you deal with these kinds of feelings? I hate sounding clingy, I don't mean to come off that way. I don't demand a friend to hang out all the time, usually it is once, sometimes twice a week. And even at times there will be a week when we don't hang out. But after a period of a few days, the feeling starts coming back. I never told any of them about it since it would turn them off but I secretly do feel this way. Is the fear of abandonment and feeling dependent almost the same thing? Just curious. I definitely try to give them lots of space though. I feel depressed even when I am with a friend but no where near as bad. I almost forget about it at times.

Oh my, it's like I wrote this post. I have the same problems a lot. I too don't expect constant contact and even enjoy my alone time, but I can't handle being alone all the time and greatly enjoy knowing I have someone I can go to when I'm feeling lonely. I try to be realistic about it when I can, which has helped a bit. (Things like "if they didn't want me around they wouldn't talk to me ever".) However, when it goes days without having heard from the person I start to get less and less realistic and even get a bit panicky. (I can get pretty extreme when I feel like I'm being "ghosted".) It depends on the friend too. With some friends I knew I could bug them pretty much whenever and they would always be happy to hear from me. Others were more moody and didn't like to talk just for the sake of talking, so with those it's more difficult. And as I said in your last thread, since I have a big fear of abandonment I can't really handle it if I think people are pulling away or outright get rid of me, so I tend to pick up on small things that might signal them being upset with me and blow them out of proportion due to that fear. Even though I often know they're unrealistic feelings, I still can't help myself. It definitely doesn't help when I get proven right either... It tends to mean that I apologize for nothing or over-explain my actions in an attempt to help people get along with me better.

The technical term for being with a friend is DISTRACTION. It takes your mind off what you are feeling depressed about (even if it is a sub-conscious thinking) The human mind can not think about more than one thing at a time. Just like a computer can't actually process more than one thing at any instant in time. It requires time sharing between processes & if one process is pushed off bu another it isn't processed until there is enough time. That is why distractions (usually doing something or focusing on something intently) doesn't give your mind enough time to focus on what is depressing thus providing some relief. (Learned this in my intense DBT group) It helps me immensly

I have a friend very much like that. I am busy with my farm. I also don't hear from her when she is busy but wow, when her son's don't call & she is NOT busy with other things, she will call & complain because I haven't taken time to call & neither has anyone else & she winders if anyone likes her any more.

If I do have time & contact her....if she is busy I don't hear from her.. It doesn't bother me but wow it sure bothers her ehen someone doesn't respond to her.

She is a good friend & I just learned this is the way she is....no problem as I have my own life requirements I am dealing with & we always enjoy the time we do spend together. Some things just are the way they are in my own experience.

I agree. Yeah one friend can be very moody when it comes to talking and is perfectly okay with ignoring messages for days to weeks or even over a month at a time. That is another reason i get panicky. Makes me wonder if she has depression or something. She will go in phases of wanting to hang out a lot to not giving a crap. Yeah I always worry about being ghosted.

I agree. Distractions do help. I’m glad you understand since I worry that I sounded clingy or desperate in my post. Yeah being distracted alleviates the depression but then it hits hard once I am alone. After about a week I have trouble focusing and sleeping and feel very emotional. I never was diagnosed but the way i feel makes me think I actually have depression which makes me worry about being abandoned by friends. Also makes me think they are ghosting me because of something I said or did.

My friend goes through that.....& she struggles with co-dependency & SAD. The best thing to do is to go to a good T & learn coping skills. There are many more than just distraction though I will watch a movie or paint/ draw or play mindless games when my brain really needs a rest. I love on my 3 dogs & love to ride horses. I have to focus when riding.....& it does give the brain a break

Yeah I agree, I probably do struggle woth co-dependency but not in a deliberate desperate way to the point of annoying someone. I’ve seen way worse and I actually have been on the flip side where someone was extremely clingy to me, to the point where the person would go into my residence hall in college and look for me. I was not friends with that person, just acquaintances but she apparently always felt bored and wanted someone with her. I would never ever do something like that extreme since I know how it feels to be harrassed. But yeah I do feel sad and anxious a lot. Yeah distractions help.

"Yeah one friend can be bery moody when it comes to talking and is perfectly okay with ignoring messages for days to weeks or even over a month at a time. That is another reason i get panicky. Makes me wonder if she has depression or something. She will go in phases of wanting to hang out a lot to not giving a crap."

Oh god, that back and forth would send my anxiety into overdrive. I wouldn't be able to be friends with someone like that - I would either drive her insane with me pestering her for replies and she would remove me or I'd remove her because I felt like she hated me. She probably does have some issues if she lets it go that long between replies and goes back and forth between being eager and not caring. Definitely not normal behavior.

Yeah I agree. I know she has ADHD and I know that ADHD is a comprbid disorder, meaning ADHD doesn’t stand alone. There are other issues such as anxiety and depression. Maybe even bipolar. Yeah that is why i am always anxious.

I would just define her as someone who will only be there on her terms.....& go off doing other things with other friends. If this person is nice, then I wouldn't mind getting together once in awhile if when it is convenient for her it also works for me. I wouldn't go out of my way to make it work. I can be friends with lots of different people....but it is more about having company to do something with IF the timing works. Most of us have very busy lives owning farms or working & living alone so life's priorities come first then socializing.

I tend to accept others on their terms because I tend to have my own at times too....though I do try to make time when they have time if possible.....because my life is usually very demanding & getting away can be nice.

Yeah makes sense. I am starting to get the feeling she really only likes hanging out on her terms and prefers to be the one that makes the effort because when she takes the initiative, she is actually very enthusiastic. She can be when I take the initiative too but not as much. In a way, I feel like I may inconvenience her or something so hanging out with her on her own terms may be better. Yeah I can't be super close, it would be difficult but yeah she is cool to hang out with when she wants too. She doesn't have any other friends close by enough to hang out but she does prefer to stay at home a lot and watch TV all day except for when she has to work, which isn't a lot. Yeah everyone is busy from time to time which is understandable.