Anxiety and depression is not a sign of weakness

I have anxiety and depression. My husband has not been afflicted by either things. I'm really scared that I ****ed up at work and I'm crying. My husband tells me to toughen up. Honey, I got that job without knowing someone, fought for it and I do the best I can. He bawled during a movie the other say and I didn't tell him to stop being a baby, I let him hold my hand and cry on my shoulder (I don't cry at movies in general but he looked very upset so I tried to comfort him). He thinks anxiety and depression are just me being weak and it drives me up the wall. I am not using my diagnosis as an excuse for bad behavior but he doesn't get that I'm crying because I'm scared for us, that I'm scared of being fired again. That I am mad at myself for being an idiot. His response was to pull up a very idiotic song from the land before time movies (can't remember which of the various sequels) where the triceratops sings about being tough. Ugh.......We All Fall down by Aerosmith is way better and I wish he would listen to it. "I will catch you, never let you go. I won't let you go through it alone. When you feel let down, we all fall down, we all fall down." I listen to it when I do feel like this. It's a moot point but I don't know how to explain when he needs to pipe down and listen. I don't want to be coddled by him. I know I am tough because I have proven so many people who thought I would amount to nothing because of my Aspergers syndrome wrong. Proven to people that I wouldn't be happy with their status quo, that I was smarter than they thought. In my book I think that is toughness, marching to the beat of your own drum. Wow, anyway how do I tell him not to play the land before time crap and realise that when the wife is scared or upset that he needs to stop viewing such things as a weakness? Sorry if I got off topic.

Have you tried approaching him when you're not currently upset and discussing it with him then? From what I'm reading here it seems like any discussions happen in the heat of the moment when you're not feeling well and that may cause him to just brush it off. I have had some luck explaining it to people who genuinely cared for me when I was in a decent mood and able to fully explain myself without emotions driving me, but not everyone is receptive then either. Some people just don't get it if they haven't been through it. Try metaphors too. I'd recommend the one that was recently posted in the Depression forum: https://forums.psychcentral.com/depr...epression.html

If you are unable to get him to understand, I wonder if he would be willing to go to a counselor with you and maybe they could explain it to him? Or maybe someone else who replies will have more ideas for you. Above is just what has worked for me. I hope he can learn to be more understanding.

Of course you are upset and worried about having made a mistake at work.

I'm a bit not understanding how that translates to viewing depression/anxiety as a weakness from your husband's point of view?

Are you looking for him to tell you everything is going to be ok because he's by your side-based upon song lyrics you shared?

Is he trying to tell you to let things slide off your back-based upon a cartoon about toughness?

[QUOTE=healingme4me;6177219]Of course you are upset and worried about having made a mistake at work.

I'm a bit not understanding how that translates to viewing depression/anxiety as a weakness from your husband's point of view?

Are you looking for him to tell you everything is going to be ok because he's by your side-based upon song lyrics you shared?

Is he trying to tell you to let things slide off your back-based upon

I Apologize, like I said I was upset last night. He will tell me to get a backbone....that's why he plays the dinosaur song. I play my sad music because I feel it's the only way I can tell him....but whenever he says get a backbone, it feels like he doesn't care. Or that he views my feelings as an annoyance.

Oh, I see. He's doing more than trying to be cute and playing a clip from a cartoon, which could seem caring and instead playing the clip while telling you in an uncaring way to grow a backbone?

Being able to let things slide off one's back is a learned behavior, not something that we are all inately born with.

I still believe that being worried about the effects of making a mistake at work aren't completely connected to depression and anxiety.