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Default Jun 30, 2018 at 02:44 AM
  #1
The new man I met as you know likes to post messages on facebook. We send each other messages and comment on each other's posts. I don't know but this is beginning to bore me. There is no fireworks. We get along fine. I don't dump on him and he doesn't either. I wish he would then I could have some excitement. I feel bored about him. He recently posted some music videos and he seems to like really old music. I thought it was from the Lawrence Welk shows. Then, he posted videos from an 80s singer which I thought was an improvement. So, we don't argue, we don't complain, we don't shout, we don't scream, etc. My family is like this and getting used to something different is quite a shock for me. But, I have to say boring is as boring does. So be it! I am not complaining but wonder is boring really good between a man and a woman who like each other? I was getting to the point where I was planning not to see him anymore, not because he is bad to me, but because he is really boring to me. I know this sounds selfish and stupid but wonder if I will be happy with a boring man. I should be happy there is no drama involved. I guess, in the end, what matters to me is not that he is boring, but whether he truly likes me for me and will stand by me through thick and thin. I guess, I just answered my own question. Anyways, if you'd like to comment, please do. TIA
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Default Jun 30, 2018 at 05:09 AM
  #2
Sounds like there's no chemistry. Boring is not a good way to go through life. But if it's drama your after that's not good either. But i really think it's a lack of chemistry.

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Default Jun 30, 2018 at 06:09 AM
  #3
Boring isn't great, but then being in the middle of a crisis all the time is worse.
Can't you do something to liven things up?

What is it that you would consider exciting?

Remember your half this relationship, how it pans out is as much to do with you as him.

I mean I personally find screaming , shouting, arguing etc incredibly dull. That is my definition of boring.

I Also find some who is always waiting for me to make decisions,choices take action a bit dull.

You can't change him, but is he simply responding as a mirror to your own actions?
Maybe you need to see if he is open to more interesting things...whatever Those are.

However if this is a lack of chemistry...attraction, that's different, not alot can change that.

All the best.

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Default Jun 30, 2018 at 06:45 AM
  #4
I guess it would depend on the people. There might be some people out there who don't mind boring, or even find what you think is boring interesting. o-o I think generally speaking it's not a good thing to date someone who bores you as it might make a long term relationship difficult to stay interested in.

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Default Jun 30, 2018 at 07:03 AM
  #5
So, here's the problem with me. I had relationships in the past but they never lasted because 1. I was too sick which is not the case now 2. I was interested only in sex 3. I was not ready to be in a relationship Now, I believe I am ready and have been careful with him. I have not sent him any sexy pics because I don't want him to feel this about me yet. I have not dumped on him all of my problems. I support his posts and tell him that I admire and respect him which I do. However, I feel that his posts are quite simply not my taste and not my interest. You see, he likes politics, I don't. He likes old-fashioned music, I don't. He likes chasing the money, I don't. He likes rubbing shoulders with influential people- I don't have the chance to do this but truthfully, I don't care. He likes traveling and food, I do. So, out of all of his vast interests, I like may be one or two things he likes. This is better than having nothing in common at all. But, these interests are dependent on our experiences and our tastes. I like him as a person. I've never showed him sexy pics because I respect and admire him so much that I want him to at least like me for me, not for my body. I am not too worried about our situation. I've come up with a plan to have him contact me first. I always go out of my way to greet him daily. Thus, if he really wants to maintain contact with me, I will give him a chance to be more assertive and send me messages first. I don't want to chase him but don't mind if he chased me for a bit. And, if he does not send any more messages because I don't, I won't be sad either. I truly hope he finds a good woman to be with and who cares for him. So, I will spice things up a bit and just wait for him to contact me. I don't see any other way for me to continue this interaction. I feel bad about it to some extent. But, I become bored then I become disinterested. So, we shall see what his response will be.
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Default Jun 30, 2018 at 08:36 AM
  #6
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”
Marilyn Monroe
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Default Jun 30, 2018 at 09:42 AM
  #7
He liked my post about Frank Zappa quote:


“If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your ****, then you deserve it.”
Frank Zappa

So, I wrote him to have a good night. Hmm, my idea seems to be working. Cheers to all!!
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Default Jun 30, 2018 at 02:37 PM
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Sounds to me like you're settling simply because there's no drama, he's nice and you admire him. Also sounds like there's not enough in common and no chemistry. Why settle? Find someone who excites and interests you, someone with whom you have a lot more in common.
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Default Jun 30, 2018 at 03:48 PM
  #9
Quote:
You see, he likes politics, I don't. He likes old-fashioned music, I don't. He likes chasing the money, I don't. He likes rubbing shoulders with influential people- I don't have the chance to do this but truthfully, I don't care. He likes traveling and food, I do.
so you don't agree on anything based on values (traveling is not a value based thing) so what actually do you respect about him?

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Default Jul 01, 2018 at 04:25 AM
  #10
He's a decent man and is doing much despite his disability. He is nice and not someone who goes out his way to hurt any body.


I did not send him a greeting today. He has not said anything. I want the best for him and hope he finds someone who truly cares for him. I like him as a person but realize that my being bored with him does not bode well for us. I wish him the very best.
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Default Jul 01, 2018 at 07:24 AM
  #11
Wise decision. Just because someone is decent & doing much in spite if a disability doesn't always make them partner material.....just a nice acquaintance is good too.

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Default Jul 01, 2018 at 09:25 AM
  #12
Well, he asked me out again. I acquiesced. So, well, I thought he would not bother me, but he likes me. I do like him and think he may be not as dull as I thought. I think he is getting the picture and am happy now that he is chasing me. hmmm, he is not that boring.
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Default May 18, 2019 at 04:30 PM
  #13
I lost all of my social media since I forgot all of my passwords while I was psychotic. But, I re-contacted this man who I thought was boring before. He has hemiplegia but is very sweet. We met already last year. He is an investment banker. I like him much still although we have not been in touch while I was ill. He was happy to hear from me!! I'm happy to hear he is doing well. He wants to talk to me again. I feel really touched by his attitude towards me. We have much in common. I thought being alone is a good idea but for now friendship with a man is nice. So, I lied that being with my family is the best for me. Oh well.
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Default May 19, 2019 at 05:45 PM
  #14
So, he wrote me and stated he wanted to see me in the USA or Asia. I am currently taking care of my father so am busy. I like him and hope he realizes that I can't just up and leave my situation for now. I believe he is patient. I will return to Asia again. I am still recovering but am in much better shape than I was before. I am coherent now. He knows I have a mental illness. And, I told him about my current situation. He still likes me. I am hopeful our situation will work. I peeked into a online dating site and received so many messages that I quit. I really can't entertain answering all of them. I also am not too interested in developing another new relationship. I like this man and am hoping for the best.
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Default May 19, 2019 at 06:25 PM
  #15
Is this an online relationship between you and this guy whom you're Facebook friends with? Are you not living in, or from the same country?
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Default May 19, 2019 at 06:42 PM
  #16
No, I've met him before so this is not just an online relationship. Right now, it is online because we are in two different countries. Is there a problem?
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Default May 20, 2019 at 01:43 AM
  #17
Maybe you have stuff to learn about yourself, yourself and not this guy. You says "he this, he that" but relationships are not like shopping with a credit card in the supermarket. Seems to me that you have an inner polarity/ conflict/ whatever the word between "excitement" and "self-respect". Not the egotistical type of self respect "I can date anyone I want" but the deeper acquaintance with your strengths and weaknesses.

Perhaps both you and he have journeys to make separately. Noone is "boring" to someone who loves them, but love is a difficult journey to achieve in my own experience. I'm rushing now so perhaps this isn't phrased the best possible way. I have someone to take care of today also... I've known boring men who found themselves (not with me) and became interesting. Perhaps you are also "boring" in certain ways, what is "boring"? Usually the men who I found "boring" did not think of themselves as attractive, but they found that part of themselves through self-care and loving relationships.

All this a ????? Gotta run, you know how it goes....

PS Yeah, there is one type of "boring" that I still find makes me feel frantic, but in my own experience there is more than one type of boring: can be either about my real needs to feel alive, or about negative projections. You talk as if "boring" is an innate quality in this guy, but actually being bored is your feeling about him, your feeling and not his innate quality.

Perhaps look a bit into this in your own highs and lows?

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Default May 20, 2019 at 11:33 AM
  #18
Hmmm, very good analysis. I was bored with him but he is not boring as a person. I may be boring at times too. I like him now as a person but initially I was bored with him because I really did not know him too well. I found him boring because he is always posting on facebook about issues that bore me at times. Now, I find him interesting. I realize it takes time to really know people well. I like him very much now. And, this is all that matters to me. I should change the title of this thread to something else now.
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Default May 24, 2019 at 01:39 PM
  #19
That is so cool to hear. I have times when I find Everyone in the whole world (it seems) "boring" because they rant on about issues that don't interest me. Perhaps I must take my own medicine: truly I didn't realise until I've been busy recently how much of a barrier I put up in this way.

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