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Jul 02, 2018 at 08:38 PM
#1
My bf and I each have a ton of stress on our plates right now regarding work, and I feel like I' burdening him too much and also like we've been two ships passing in the night lately.
How do you handle stress around work when both people have totally different jobs that have totally different kinds of stress, rules and parameters, and when both people handle their stress very differently? I need to talk about mine, and he seems to clam up about his and shut down. So I called my parents to talk about it. But he's in bed now and now I am all alone. This sucks. |
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 Purple,Violet,Blue
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Poohbah
Member Since Sep 2016
Location: USA
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Jul 02, 2018 at 08:47 PM
#2
This might be where friends come into play. It's so at times like this you both need to be extra compassionate with each other. We have ten minute talk time every M-F at my house.
__________________ True happiness comes not when we get rid of all our problems, but when we change our relationship to them, when we see our problems as a potential source of awakening, opportunities to practice patience and learn.~Richard Carlson |
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 healingme4me
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Perpetually Pondering
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Jul 02, 2018 at 09:54 PM
#3
I agree about finding other people or even outlets to discuss work stressors. Making sure to pencil in quality time together.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
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Jul 03, 2018 at 04:51 AM
#4
You could try to create schedules like what days or times you will have time for: insert sharing time or entertainment etc
You might need more people and resources than just him. Friends? Family? Therapist? Also when you have quality time, do you reserve any time to just talking, not always entertainment etc? |
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lady411
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Jul 03, 2018 at 05:24 AM
#5
Thank you all.....
Yeah, perhaps I've been spending too much 1:1 time with him, and not enough with my friends. Truth is, I haven't seen my friends much since dating him. I've called them on the phone, but I haven't seen them. So I could lean on my friends (and family) more. We do go out for meals and hang out and talk. But I cannot lean on only him about work stress. It's not right. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2016
Location: U.K.
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Jul 03, 2018 at 06:14 AM
#6
Having other people to lean on about these things is essential so as not to overburden each other. Or else pretty soon your each other's agony aunt/uncle and the spark fizzles out of the relationship.
Being able to share is fine, but letting each other know that you /they r not a crutch, that you'll manage just fine if they have their own stuff to deal with is really reassuring. Just takes a little practice and self control but it's doable. Of course we want to be there for our SO but maintaining our own mental well-being is vital to a healthy relationship. Best of luck. Hope things get easier soon. __________________ I Don't Care What You Think Of Me...I Don't Think Of You At All.CoCo Chanel. |
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lady411
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Jul 03, 2018 at 06:36 AM
#7
Quote:
Truth is, there's not many friends I can regularly call upon to discuss and process work issues or stress. There's really just one friend, and her phone is constantly dropping calls so we can barely talk. She also lives 45 mins away. Looks like I will have to lean more on my parents and perhaps my sister the most. |
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Erebos
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Jul 03, 2018 at 07:25 AM
#8
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lady411
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Jul 03, 2018 at 01:45 PM
#9
Quote:
Yes, agreed. I've maintained friendships, I just haven't been able to swing 1:1 time with then due to scheduling. One friend came over while my bf was at a concert with his friend, but then my friend ditched me to go see U2! |
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Member
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Jul 04, 2018 at 03:15 AM
#10
I really like how everyone is given their wonderful insight and thoughts on the OP. My marriage has a very similar situation. He works while I stay at home with our 3 kids (fyi. I have a very difficult stepdaughter) so we both have completely different stressors. I'm 4 mo pregnant which also adds stress. When I've felt emotional or stressed, he finds it very difficult to be compassionate & supportive. So I can totally agree on finding other outlets for support. I'm blessed with lots of family & a few close friends but I'm still in the process of finding some dependable support myself.
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Jul 04, 2018 at 09:11 AM
#11
Well, I called my mom yesterday about something to do with work instead of unloading it on my bf. I will just call my parents from now on since it's harder to talk to my friends about these things.
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