Family issues.

I don’t understand anymore not that I really understood in the first place. My mom is sick with fibromyalgia and I let things go with her because I didn’t want to be in trouble or her stressed out. I have had to lie to her because she doesn’t believe the truth. I’ve had to swallow my own feelings and let her do as she pleased for a long time.

I have been told multiple times I was lucky she wasn’t her mother or my Aunt. Yet I’m asked why I don’t act like my cousins and it hurts. It has been said so much that now I’m numb to when she brings it up. I don’t understand now or then why I wasn’t good enough just being myself. My cousins think I blow the entire thing out of proportion because they adore my mom. That’s lead me to being the family’s outcast. My cousin has even heard my mother call me a pig before to my face and still doesn’t see why I want to leave. My mom is constantly on to me for something and the more I try and be nice to her the more I am criticizing myself due to her expectations.

My father is a different issue all together. He thinks of how he looks more than he cares about how I feel. He has lied to me on several occasions, left me alone to fend for myself, has ignored me on purpose and much more. I don’t know what kind of Father tells his daughter she is the family disgrace after one accident other than mine. He even told me all my cousins would marry before me and my youngest cousin is a few weeks old. I’m 26 assuming she marries at 30 I would be 56 years old and I have another cousin on the way. Is he telling me I’m ugly and will never marry or what?

Sorry I’m just ranting it seems but the point is I remember all through my middle school, High school years and beyond I have felt like nothing but a Burden to my parents. I prayed for eternal damnation just to make my mother happy for a day. I grew to resent my cousins (not that I resent them anymore) and myself due to the lack of matching up. No matter the win for me weather it was learning to read with Dyslexia or being a published poet; I always felt less worthy of anything. Congrats and a pat on the back. Yet my brother won a game with the team it’s let’s go celebrate and share the news with everyone. To this day what he did is still talked about and I’m on the shelf. I don’t remember my parents ever celebrating a win for me past getting my GED and graduation CNA Training with family. I’ve always felt less than everyone else and lately its been worse.

My grandparents have forgotten me at Christmas not a big thing to me it stung yes, but what hurt me was being given food gift cards that they had been given. I’m the only plus sized grandchild they have and the rest of the girls got clothes tailored to their taste. The remarks my family make hurt and I wonder if I should just leave them to it. I mean I don’t think they would miss me at the events and I don’t see the reason to go to a place where I’m not wanted unless it benefits them.

Sorry again, maybe I am just a sensitive child. Yet honestly I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to hide in the mountains unseen by people. My family made it clear I’m unattractive and undesirable, would it be best if I just left them to be happy?

I'm glad you've developed some numbness. That is the very best thing you could do. Your parents don't deserve to have their assessment of you taken seriously because their comments are never based on a good faith effort to be constructive. Oddly enough this may be coming from a desire by your parents to keep you from ever leaving them. If you have no self-confidence, you'll be afraid to venture off anywhere.

So not getting married is the worst thing? They see getting married as the proof that someone has worth? Lots of jerks get married every week. Maybe you will and maybe you won't, but that's not proof of anything. Some of the worst people on the planet are married.

You have to get away from these two, either physically or at least mentally. If you can make enough money to support yourself, leaving their home would be an excellent idea. If you can't afford that, then you have to insulate yourself, psychologically, as best you can. Find things to do that get you out of that house.

Your folks are never going to change. It's sad. But you are not who they say you are. You have capabilities that you, yourself, would be surprised at. Go to school, or work hard at whatever job you can find. That way you can become your own person.

Your parents are losers.