Will I ever be able to form a meaningful long lasting relationship?

Right from when I was a kid(I'm a 24years old Nigerian guy) , I have formed a dependency with my mom, this has affected by social skills development. Instead of playing with kids of my age, I stay indoors all day, doing all sort of things in the house, experimenting with objects, substances, animals and just observing. Although I was friendly with kids who come to play with me, I would never go ahead to play with other kids on my own. I lived in a world inside my head, and never developed any social skills. This went on till university, I was holding my mums hands at the University(can you imagine that?) that even some staffs at the University sensed the dependency I had with my mom. While in the university, my lack of social skills was evident cos I had no friend, but I could hold a conversation well.

I usually over compensate for my lack of social skills by reading a lot of human psychology, what I lacked in practice I learnt in theory. I read and read and read, I read psychological stuffs every freaking time I encounter a social situation that I didn't understand. I psychoanalyzed myself and others, I was termed a weird person. I psychoanalyzed why they called me weird, and I understood why, cos I wasn't doing what other regular people do, like having friends, walking in groups, messing with each other, fighting and settling fights, I was just always in a world of my own, and everything was all science and psychology to me. I took no special interest in human interaction, I was more interested in the science behind human interaction. People who try to get close to me, end up being psychoanalyzed by me, and getting revealed aspects of themselves that they didn't see before meeting me. I also had issues with controlling my emotions, I had normal human emotions and feelings, everything about me was normal human like, except the fact that I lacked a social life(skills) and friends. I tend to be logical about everything, I remove the emotions from everything and try to be completely logical. This makes most people unable to interact with me, and make others even hate me, and some would rather not get close to me. I sometimes get very sad that I never developed social skills to form normal human friendships and developed a subconscious hatred for my mom, for making me depend on her to the detriment of my social life.

Now let's get to how I'm right now.

Many years of personal searching has gone by, I have come to a stage where I can now control my emotions. I understand the inner working of anger, jealousy, happiness, loneliness that I no longer act angrily to others people's provocations.I deliberately put myself in situations where people provoke me, but I don't have the normal physiological reactions to anger anymore. I have read different sources on anger and other human emotions that I can decide not to react to those feelings to the point of not feeling them at all. This makes people react negatively to me, because they expect me to get angry at their provocations, but I don't, they believe I'm bottling it up, but I'm not. They end up getting angrier and frustrated when they cannot get under my skin. People think I'm proud and arrogant, they think I think I'm smarter than I actually am, and it makes them angry at me. I try to understand everybody I meet and reduce them to an understandable form but I notice people hate to be psychoanalyzed, so they avoid me.

I do have normal human feelings, but I have read books of David Lieberman(a human behaviorist) and I meditate almost everyday now, so when people try to get me angry, and insult me and all(I just laugh). Although occasionally I have that pre-anger feelings, but it goes away just as soon as it came.

I think I have gotten to a stage where everything concerning human emotions is just a thing of neural connections and communications in the brain plus the actions of hormones in the body all of which can be manipulated. This is complicated by the fact that I have a love-hate feelings towards my mum.

Do you genuinely think it's possible for me to form a normal/meaningful relationship with any woman in my life?

This is sadly relatable for me.

I don't know if you have come to the same realization as me or not, but, what I myself have realized is that no matter how much knowledge you obtain, no matter how deeply you understand people and how they work--that knowledge is not really helping you obtain happiness or connection or any other meaningful positive outcome... it is only helping you escape from conflict and protect yourself from loss.

So no matter how much you have learned, you still have to set all that knowledge aside and just allow the feelings to flow naturally.

I think you should really explore your feelings about your mom. After all that is where all of this started, right?

Someone shared a quote with me today that is relevant:

Of course it's possible for you to form a meaningful relationship with someone! You can make a close friend in the most surprising of places, at the most surprising of times. A good way to do that is through social media, where you can find others with similar interests. You could find others who love to psychoanalyze, and share your knowledge with them and likely learn new things yourself.

Little kids dont have much experience with making friends, yet, they are able to do so. This is harder for adults since much of the world is very judgmental, but I believe its possible. A lack of experience isn't an endgame, though it might seem like it is.

There will always be someone out in the world who will be able to understand how you feel. It's a matter of when you two meet. You sound like a person who would be able to easily hold an interesting and in-depth conversation, so if you find others like you, I 100% believe that you'll be able to form a relationship with one of them. Best of luck to you.

Even when I allow the feelings to flow, it was still difficult to create a meaningful relationship