So insecure at an old age

Talking to somebody this morning and they stopped listening and started to talk somebody else - I called this person rude and walked away. I’ve been thinking about this ever since - can’t believe that my age I can’t deal with being ignore. This person didn’t really deserve my insult and I feeling pretty guilty about it. I know it doesn’t sound like much but just the littlest glitch still puts into a tailspin - it’s so hard to be me still....

In case you're wondering, yes, other people noticed, and they most likely empathized with YOU.

One time i was at a gay outdoor bar with a lesbian friend and her dog. Another woman came to our table and started talking to my friend, the both of them ignoring me. Next thing you know, my friend's dog (a beautiful chocolate lab) comes over and starts loving on me, getting the attention and admiration and practically APPLAUSE of EVERYBODY on the patio. Except for the two witches at my table, of course, who had the grace to look slightly sheepish.

My sister often interrupts me. It is annoying and hurtful. I just tell myself she (he, they, etc.) did not want to hear it anyway. It's hard to be talked to rudely. But, I do have bigger issues I'm working on.

Good for you for walking away! Pat yourself on the back. It seems we are a world of poor listeners. I find myself in similar situations many times. It's especially hurtful because I make a conscious effort to be an attentive listener. When I'm speaking with someone and they are giving their attention to someone or something else I immediately drop the conversation. And I'm not nearly as inclined to speak with them any time soon.

It’s the inability to shake the little moments - sometimes I’m paralyzed for hours. It depends on who I’m focused on - some individuals can do more damage than others because I imagine there is a real connection when there really isn’t....

what does your age have to do with whether or not you're able to deal with such things? There is no guarantee with age that you'll know how to cope with things better.

Well I guess I was hoping I’d be better at accepting rejection at this point - especially with all the therapy I paid for over the years. I just feel like a defenseless child and I’d like to be comfortable in my skin before I die. Thanks

Macd123,
I often wonder that about myself. Being comfortable in one’s own skin. At this point I’m thinking I’d be satisfied with being comfortable feeling uncomfortable and awkward everywhere I go.
If we can accept ourselves for who we are, I’d say we are on the path to success.
There’s so many different kinds of people in the world now. Getting ignored by someone is a blessing in some cases.
Sandy

Maybe it's ingrained in you that standing up for yourself is something to feel shame and guilt over?

I have a bit different view on that. I am not the best listener on this planet. I always do 100 things at once, have racing thoughts and have poor attention span. I don’t do it on purpose.

I prefer someone pointed out to me that I just ignored them talking and how it made them feel. I’d be very apologetic and will continue trying to be more mindful.

I think calling someone rude and simply walking away is a bit extreme imho. I agree about standing up for yourself but maybe you feel bad because how you went about it. Also if this person always behaves this way, they likely aren’t interested in hanging out and if likeky just keep my distance. Is this person your friend or someone totally random?

I understand. Being ignored never feels nice

Being comfortable in one's own skin is key. We could all use a boost to our self esteem at times, but if you don't love yourself, how can you expect others will. Don't take things personally. I'm 65 and get dissed by my own 21 year old twin daughters. They don't respect my insights at times. I'm not as invested in the current reality they're faced with. I'm finding solace in connecting with people who value my opinion and where I am in my life today. There is somebody for everybody. LOL

More direct to your post. It was rude. to simply turn away from someone currently trying to have a conversation with you and picking up a new one with someone else isn't at all a nice thing to do. Why should you feel guilty or bad about it? I mean imo the wrong thing to do would be to try to insist on them listening to you and such but you did what the situation called for. You didn't insult them at all, you called them out on their behavior and it sounds like you were accurately doing so.

Don't feel bad but also don't put too much energy into thinking about the event either. Just like you did to the person, walk away from the whole thing. Pretty sure I'd have walked away too and possibly would have made a comment about it myself. I wouldn't feel bad for too long just angry at them for a bit.

Being in a tailspin and feeling sh*tty about when someone treats you badly isn't being insecure either, it's normal and human. don't beat yourself up.

Sorry I didn't say as much in my earlier post but I'll admit I didn't take as much time as I could have to think and respond to your post.

Hope this helps.

I think it stems from the fact that I’ve never really had anybody that close in my life. My life has always been a series of acquaintances. And yes I have tried on occasion to change that - not very hard though. I guess I’ve sort of given up because I don’t have the energy I used to have and I’m just comfortable alone. Acquaintances have always had a more important voice than they should - I was never a person who was lucky enough to have support and could just shrug off any flippant response. This is an ability I never acquired and I’m so easily wounded even at this late date. I’m also tired of rehashing my situation. Thanks....

Manners are terrible these days. Problem interrupt conversations all the time. I agree it’s rude. Shake it off next time. Don’t take it personally. When people aren’t inclined to be courteous to me, I’m learning to just cut off the conversation myself anyway. Or not even engage in the conversation to begin with. I’ve become very choosy who I talk to.

Yes Mac, a man of your advanced years should have developed a thicker skin and brushed it off. It's happened to me ( particularly with someone I've known for a long time) . I usually say 'ok i'll talk to myself then, followed by 'bye' and I find someone else to share my erudite wit and Wildian repartee with.
Mac, all your posts seem to revolve around age and you feeling old. Don't tell me you have succumbed to the beige/grey uniform of the half dead as well please. We are. I think, about the same age (62). Do I feel old no. Does age bring regrets. Yes. S##t happens and the older you are more S##t has piled up for you to deal with and ruminate about. Fact.

I had a big surgery recently that left me shuffling along like an old man and feeling quite vulnerable. I now know what it feels like to feel old out on the streets and it's not nice. I'm gradually getting back to how I was though a hand size piece of my thigh on my head ain't going anywhere soon. But i don't feel old . If i'm still around in 20 years time ask me again. Stop overthinking bro. Get out and do s##t man. YOLO. Peace