I couldn’t have asked for

I couldn’t have asked for a worse “family” ... I don’t know why some people have children. I was about to reply to a post which said “how to refuse unwanted advice” or something. How to refuse belittling, useless “advice” ..

Some (fairly standard) advice would be “create your own family” - yes I’ve tried this, I’ve found some lovely people. And some.. not quite so lovely

I’m not even sure about posting this. Please be gentle

The maternal unit would have said “it’s my decision” whether I ate or not. (Whether I live or die )

Some parents are really quite talented at treating their children like garbage. Shows superior intelligence? They would think so

Please no posts telling me to “move on”

And if anyone tells me I’ve been “posting about this for years” or something. Don’t bother...(I was given this “supportive” advice about another issue on
another forum... most people here do not know each other. If they take the time to know someone they wouldn’t say insulting garbage like that to another human being.
I’m just having a bad day.

So my question is, how to refuse insulting, useless “advice” - I’ve had my fill of it, especially from the “medical profession” (I don’t live in the USA) and if I could “move on” from ever “needing” to see any doctor, you better believe it. I would!

(((((Fuzzybear)))))

What do you do now when you get such advice?

(((((Fuzzybear)))))

(((((((( Bill ))))))))

I usually “ignore” it unless it’s particularly.. uh... unhelpful. But I’m then left with some of that person’s crap that they flung at me, out of carelessness or malice

And you are wondering what to do about the lingering crap? Also, you are wondering how to respond (or not respond) to the particularly unhelpful comments?

(((((Fuzzybear)))))

Yes, I’m wondering about both of those things

((((((( Bill )))))))

Unfortunately some of their crap we can't ignore if it is actually dealimg with our care (in the case of medical). I listen, I counter then I go home & figure out how I want to handle it. I couldn't ignore....ut required a choice on my.part. i am willing to go along IF & ONLY IF the other person is logical or I have no other alternative.

Most people in general, ignoring is usually the best because a confrontatiln is usually pointless (though I have been kown to confront depending on the situation).

But I was married to a guy who ignored everything so I know how irritaring that can be also....though he would ignore in a very passive aggressive way....brought out my anger & that wasn't good for either of us.

Sounds like it's time to sharpen the teeth and claws to go on a biting and clawing spree! (If only, right?)

In an online situation, the best thing to do is just ignore them, maybe report them to staff, and then try your best not to let it bother you. Easier said than done though, I know... I've had my fair share of nasty people replying to me on other forums too. It will only make it worse for both you and the other people if you engage with them beyond an "I don't like that, please stop" sort of comment.

In an IRL situation, similar can be said, but there's no "reporting to staff" in many of those cases (unless it's like a work or professional thing, then you could report them to superiors). Otherwise, all you can really do is ignore or try to calmly ask that the person not speak to you in that manner (or at all if that's what you wish) and again try your best to not let it bother you.

Yes, I know exactly what you mean Fuzzy. I've had my share of disturbing behaviors from the medical profession [and just people in general] as well. Very disturbing, tbh. It's almost daily.

What I do in these cases, if something they tell me isn't right, if something is infuriating me, is I let them know there on the spot. I don't care anymore. Let those angry feelings come out - who cares? No one! But control that anger at the same time with the key idea of simply expressing to them how you feel and why. They're always telling people you should express your feelings, right? Well, that's all it is. But be careful if it's in the workplace and not around children, obviously.

Fuzzy, I wish life was simpler and that I had the correct answers for things, but...that's my approach. ((((many_hugs_Fuzzy!!!))))

((FuzzyBear))

Those things are absurd, so chuckle and laugh. Best defense EVER!

I wish I could.. I don’t find people’s cruelty funny...

Sure, going around munching on the morons is funny though

how to refuse insulting, useless “advice”

Our families touch us deeply. They know how to hit the buttons. We are so vulnerable around them. But we are all faced with them. Everybody has family and those who don't wish they did.

The trick is to set-up boundaries. (ref. Dr. Townsend). We have to protect ourselves from "tough love" at times. We have to learn when to let things in and when to let things roll off your back. We have a saying in my household, "you need thick skin to live here". The good news is that the thick skin is now carried into the workplace where it is needed there too.

Don't let others steal your joy!

Fuzzy dear. So sorry that you are having this type of hurtful aggravation. You do NOT deserve it!

I think many of us have likely had varying degrees & intensities of this, usually from the allegedly-well-meaning -- whether family, "friends", or health/MH "professionals. I don't think they realize how freaking INVALIDATING and BELITTLING ( and for some of us, quite destabilizing!) (sry for yelling ) their accumulated shyte is.

Oh but they are trying to be helpful, doncha know *bitter laugh*. It's for your owngood!!! @#$%!! *(Unprintable noises, all of them profane and highly impolite)*

For years and years I didn't talk back, bc any attempt to do so was decried as defensiveness or self-justification -- or worse. Now? My dear, I no longer give a flying damn if people don't like me or my attitudes. they are the attitudea I've had to formulate for my own survival -- and if others find that disappointing or offensive, well, suckage!

Does it hurt? Yeah; sometimes quite a lot. But I cannot let it make me unhealthy(ier).

A T I once had told us in small group that people who have this effect on us are like germs and bad weather: we need to develop a defense against them before we encounter them. She had us write down things to say and actions to perform to fortify ourselves against them. I thought it was supremely useless exercise at the time and was snortinglyly disdainful. lolol @myself, but, yanno -- I didn't know how hard some of this was gonna get!

It has been really useful to me to do that. IDK what your T recommends but I hate the fact that we have to armour ourselves against these toxic influences in our lives -- and even against our own negative self-talk -- but just know that we do.
Dammit.

Wishing you calm and strength and truth -- and blessing.

Love,

Chyia, sry so long-winded

Hi Chyia, thanks for your post
It made me chuckle

Yes their accumulated shyte can be all those things you mention

I’m wishing you many blessings