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ZenZeta
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Default Aug 06, 2018 at 03:23 PM
  #21
Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
On the one hand it matters very little, whether or not your expectations make you seem "stuck up" to some people including yourself or not. You obviously have strong views in this area meaning this is something that is important to you. Go with what you feel is right for you in the end, and it always will be the best idea.

As for the whole situation, I wonder if you might think about a couple things. first, that you're thinking enough about this guy that you would feel torn in any way about the decision says more about how unsure you are whether this is a good decision to pass him up as a potential partner. It's something to think about.

On the plus side there is no way to know 100% whether or not the fact that he is a line cook and doesn't make as much as you'd like would be something that would be a relationship breaker in the future, if the other parts of the relationship end up being strong it may not matter. I know that finances and such are a very common problem in relationships so I'm not brushing it off either but what if this is a guy that's worth risking it? What if he turned out to be such a great guy that he made it all worth it in the end? Yeah we don't know that to be true either but it underscores my point that it could be something that may be insignificant in the grand scheme of things. something else to ponder.

I think lastly, it isn't going to hurt to date someone who you seem to be interested in in spite of those things. He must be someone that stands out for you or we wouldn't be having this conversation. I think that is a stronger point to at least give it some more consideration. Dating someone is far from a commitment anyway, the goal is to find out if they are compatible and worthy of our commitment and devotion.

I would say go for it in my opinion but mostly just some thoughts to ponder - hopefully they help you decide.
For now, I'm still open to giving him a chance. I would hate to write off a good guy just because he's a cook, but I'm not sure if I would be OK with him being JUST a cook down the road...

...and the more we spend time together (I've been trying to space it out more), the more I can tell he likes me, and I'm not where he is.

Despite me saying, let's take it slow and purposely keeping any physical contact to a minimum (haven't even kissed him yet), I can tell he's going for a relationship.

What I don't want to happen is for him to waste his time / energy / money he has trying to get something that may not happen.

He's REALLY nice, and I don't want to hurt him. I'm being honest with him, but wonder if I should stop seeing him until I figure this out. I'm acting in a way that I would HATE if the tables were turned...

I just don't know...
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Bill3
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Default Aug 06, 2018 at 03:32 PM
  #22
You are not leading him on when you are genuinely unsure in your mind.

With regard to hurting his feelings: He knows the risks of dating.

A useful exercise would be to think about, maybe even write down, the pros and cons of ditching him, and the pros and cons of waiting a bit more.
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s4ndm4n2006
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Default Aug 07, 2018 at 09:43 AM
  #23
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What I don't want to happen is for him to waste his time / energy / money he has trying to get something that may not happen.

Honestly this, I understand but at the same time you can't guide your life making choices that merely are influenced by this kind of thinking. what I mean is he is free to make his choice just as you are and every single relationship you try to start or have work is taking a chance on something that may not work out. It's part of finding a relationship that works. You can't find the one that does without taking the chance on it not working. Relax and let it happen whether that be finding out it's not for you or that you do want to go further. Make your choices purely on what you feel is right and good.

Quote:
He's REALLY nice, and I don't want to hurt him. I'm being honest with him, but wonder if I should stop seeing him until I figure this out. I'm acting in a way that I would HATE if the tables were turned...

I just don't know...

Of course you dont' want to hurt him. that's usually the stickler in things like this. But whether you go further or stop it is taking a chance on that happening anyway right? Anytime relationship talk is the subject someone being hurt is usually a risk factor.

But you cant' likely figure it out without any kind of action. You can think about it and ponder til the cows come home but without getting to know him in a courtship there will be too much information left out imo.
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