Revenge: oh how I wish I could something!!!

I never was interested in any kind of revenge or get closures etc I usually think the best revenge is living well and if someone is an ...hole it’s on
them, not me. However apparently it’s not working this way when it comes to something bad done on to the ones we love.

My daughter is a widow, she lost her husband under tragic circumstances two years ago. He was a sweetie and still is greatly missed. She grieved intensely including specific bereavement counseling and started dating. I felt it was too early but who listen to mom, right?

She met a guy who appeared perfect on surface but something was just off for me from the beginning. My whole family had uneasy feeling from
the beginning.

It ended up being a very fast romance resulting in her relocating (it wasn’t a traditional long distance, it was more that he had to move for work). Without divulging too many details she completely uprooted herself and she is not typically impulsive person at all. The guy turned out to be a complete and total jerk who was trying to take financial advantage of her (she did get a job right away ina new location but the fact that he makes about 5 times more than she does yup you heard that right), he also turned out to be a vicious and verbally and emotionally abusive alcholic. There is more to it.

So that’s over now, she pretty much had to move out immediately (with her cat) because he made her life he$$). She now has to rebuild her life. Move. Get a different job. Etc etc She’ll be fine entually but her self esteem took a dive (she is a very confident person)

Now the issue is that I am full of rage and desire to do something to a guy. Of course I won’t, he is a lawyer, and will come after us. But one can dream.

My mom and my husband come up with the most bizarre scenarios. Like photoshopping his face to inappropriate pictures and post them everywhere online. Send something to his work, like inappropriate materials etc In a way it provides us some comic relief because my husband and my mom are pretty inventive in their ideas what to do to a guy. It’s quite funny if it wasn’t that sad. We won’t do nothing of course. But I do wish I could.

I am not typically up to hating anyone and in fact there is no one I ever hate (maybe monsters like Hitler) but I hate a guy with passion

I don't know, I seem to find that if I hold on to negative feelings about someone else who isn't part of my life anymore, it really only ends up hurting me and making me preoccupied with negative thoughts and isn't productive at all. I hope maybe you can work through your feelings and let it go. I'm sorry that you feel so angry. Maybe it's something you could address in therapy?

I do see a therapist usually only as needed or every other month to just maintaining my spot, but I have been seeing recently extra times because of this situation. I was upset for my daughter, not angry though. I agree about not holding negative feelings and I never do either. But somehow it’s different when it’s your child. My mom is the most peaceful person ever yet this just pushed us over the edge.

Wow... he sounds like my ex fiancé! Your anger and rage even are perfectly understandable. Fantasizing is a healthy outlet. Of course you won’t act. Anger needs to be worked through.. everyone has their own way. Good news is your daughter has a great mom and is strong herself. She’ll bounce back like I did.

If she got out without getting having a kid by him, she was very lucky and i say count your blessings, otherwise he would have been in her life forever. Thats the one thing i am grateful for about my exes. Aside from they took me wilderness camping - i really liked that.

Sorry about what this guy did to your daughter. Glad she was able to get away.

Unfortunately lawyers can be very toxic and yet be extremely good at manipulating where they have a lot of practice at being very "convincing". Just let life itself be what finally gets this guy in the end and could actually end up punishing him in ways that cause him to suffer in ways you might never dream up yourself.

You should focus on the fact that your daughter is smart enough and strong enough to get away from this toxic man. She should not bathe in desire for revenge either, instead just work on gaining freedom from him and being able to focus on herself and regaining her life back again and that she is lucky that she has your support to do just that. You can be very wise divine, and have a lot of helpful wisdom to share with others here at PC who get stumped and need support and advice. Someone hurt you daughter, you love your daughter so it's very human to want to strike out at the person who hurt your daughter.

Momma Tiger !!!!

I am that way with my daughter ....a boyfriend years ago really warped her thinking about herself. I was ready to literally go beat the hell out of him. My husband finally convinced me to wait a week then another and another ( he wanted to kill this guy too)

My daughter got back on her feet as I knew she would and learned ALOT about what she will and won’t accept in a partner.

It’s okay to plot and scheme ideas to get back at him. Your working through someone hurting your baby it’s healthy and will pass as you see your daughter blossom again.

I’d certainly leave a shyt review for him online lol

Thank you guys. He is now refusing to ship her stuff to her even though he originally promised he would. She still hoped that maybe he is a decent person, just messed up, now she is certain he is a jerk.

Thank you open eyes. She isn’t interested in revenge. She wants to never see or hear from him again. I on the other hand wish I could do something to him

Review online would be perfect but he is a corporate lawyer, doesn’t really have his own practice. But you give me some food for thought, thank you

Oh I searched and found his professional info online where one can leave s review but what am I going to say? Ugh

Don't act divine, know it's tempting but he might think your daughter wrote a bad review to get back at him. It can be hard but always consider the consequences of anything you might choose to do. Honestly, often the best is to cut losses and stay away from this toxic individual. This is especially true when it's a lawyer because they can hit others where it hurts, in their wallet and for a really long time too.

Thank you open eyes.

Don’t worry.

I absolutely don’t intend to act whatsoever. It’s not my style. I am venting pretty much. Both I and my husband are professionally employed in state licensed professions and absolutely can’t ever do anything even remotely bordering breaking any kind of laws. If I ever wanted to say something I’d say to him directly and nothing that could be used against me, nothing of threatening nature. I am not stupid and am not even a tiny bit risk seeking, I am rather boring and conservative. I am just letting steam out.

Maybe I should get a pic of a male stripper with his face photoshopped on and his phone number with “for good times call this number” and post it all over his town including his office. No I am not doing it but one can dream lol

Great dream LOL

I got "revenge" per say with my ex ... won't go into details.

And it felt brilliant at the time!

There were a few repercussions afterwards, so not sure I'd do something quite as drastic again.

I totally get where you're coming from. Dream it. Just don't do it lol.

I think that it's fine to "curse" under your breath.
And as wildly brilliant the "concoctions" can be, they can create being able to laugh together about the silly imagines as a family(or even with friends).
It's cathartic, isn't it?