Wanting out but being scared to lose him

Hello everyone!

In late 2016 my ex of 4 years broke up with me and I didn't handle it very well, I was very sad a lot of the time and even got into asking online psychics for answers because I was so distraught. I stayed very sad from December 2016 to February 2017, but then a male friend of mine, I will call him Adam, started talking to me a lot, buying me gifts, and eventually our relationship also got sexual. We stayed this way for a while and even though I was kind of afraid to get closer to him because I didn't want anything serious, he was ALWAYS around and I needed that comfort. He would always call me, text me, buy me gifts, send me pictures, ask me to go places with him, etc. There have been a ton weird things he did along the way, such as him calling me his girlfriend to his parents after only talking to me for a month and hinting that he wants to have children with me. Despite all the things I found weird about him, I still kept talking to him because when I would try to stop I would get very lonely and he was always constantly contacting me, making it easy to fall back into our normal routine.

Now it's July 2018 and I've tried to talk to other guys during the year, even though Adam gets really upset when I do, he says that it's fine to "get the feelings of wanting someone else out of my system". I have told him time and time again that I don't really see him as more than what we are currently. I want to get out of this rebound relationship with Adam but I am scared to lose him permanently because of how comfortable I am with him and the fact that he has become like a best friend to me over the year as well, considering we do almost everything together. Right now my heart just doesn't feel he is the one for me, and I don't have the same feelings for him that I have had for every boyfriend of mine in the past. I care about him and love him, but I don't see myself falling in love with him and being happy in a marriage with him.

I appreciate any and all advice, thank you for your time

It sounds like the other relationships or at least that one ended with you being dumped was a more familiar role for you. I am wondering if what you might miss is the uncertainty or playing the role of codependent in some way. It would be helpful to take some time and really think about the role you actually played in past relationships that actually may not have been "healthy" for you, but felt right simply because you played a role you were used to playing. Perhaps this guy who is so reliable and thoughtful is a healthy that is good for you, but just makes you uncomfortable because it's different than what you are used to having.

Yeah, but these relationships did not last for you either, did not have what it takes to stand the test of time which is what a relationship needs to continue to thrive. Could it be this seems too "easy" for you? That you feel you need to work harder at the relationship and be the giver? This is important for you to know as you could end up being alone or experiencing relationships that leave you feeling hurt or used because you feel more comfortable in unhealthy relationships, not actually realizing that's the real problem in this picture.

He sounds like a great guy. But your heart has to be fully into it. I think either you have chemistry, or you don't. That's not to say relationships that turn sour (yours hasn't - I'm referring to long term relationships) - couples can't put in steps to rebuild the "spark". But it does take time. I'm not sure if this will be the case with you though if you've never felt that.

In fairness to him, if you 150% believe this is going nowhere, best to just let this relationship be.