Wishing to seek therapy but my mother will not allow it.

Hello, Psych Central.

I’m generally a quick responder when it comes to something of my concern; my mother is quite the opposite. She does not respond to issues fast or efficiently. I wouldn’t like to call her slow or say anything rude about her but she rarely helps me with my issues. Anytime I have a concern, she answers it with a guess that will get me away from her.

I can tell that there is definitely something wrong with me & I’m pretty certain I have Borderline Personality Disorder & other problems, such as depression or anxiety. Some of my issues are that I can’t focus on things that even interest me entirely or feel like my purpose in life. I have trouble feeling anything at all sometimes but I will often get bursts of raging anger or sadness. I often feel a prickly needle or itchy feeling all over my body when this happens, like I’m wearing a cactus over my skin. I have urges to hurt people, verbally & physically, around me when the feeling occurs.

I’m not looking for much comfort or emotional support, even though I don't get much. I just want some advice on how I should act on this issue. I really wish I could seek a therapist or have a brain scan done on me to see if there is significant damage, due to the intense striking I’ve done to my skull. I used to slam my head into brick walls & the hard spines of large books when I was upset. I’ve also had blows to my head from impacts on the ground & wall when I was abused or bullied before. I have had a nail puncture the skin on my upper forehead & cause blood to gush out over my face, covering it in complete red; my mother’s boyfriend responded to that injury by asking me to wipe it off & he used a flashlight in my eyes to prove I had no concussion. I fear that I will soon be in the mindset where I don't wish to seek help anymore. My mood & perspective on things often change very quickly. I won’t give details on this certain issue but I feel that, if I don’t get help soon, I may viciously harm people or myself.

My mother’s main concern is that the medication won’t help me & that it will mess me up more or that I’m being a foolish 15-year-old who is unsure of my true condition, which may even contribute to my low self-esteem.

I have interests in psychology, biology, neuroscience, computer science, programming, mathematics, physics, astronomy, cosmology, quantum mechanics, machine learning, biotechnology, bionics, chemistry, & many more fields of research. I doubt any unintelligent person would hold such interests & I am upset that my mental health is restraining me from accomplishing or pursuing even a single goal of mine.

Thanks for any advice you may be able to provide.

Hey Psychologious. Thanks for posting and sharing.

So, are you able to convince your mother to take you to see a doctor? Because if you're concerned that the blows to the head may have caused brain damage of some sort, or may have impacted your moods and thinking in negative ways, then that would be good enough reason to explain your concerns to a doctor with your mother present, and from there things should start to move forward for you. Because you deserve the support and care as much as anyone Psychologious. Yes, you're obviously an intelligent person with great potential.

First of all I acknowledge you for being self aware enough at 15 to know you need some type of help. My issues have been present since elementary but i didnt see it.

Try to convince your mom to take you to the doctor. Explain your concerns in detail. Ask her to let the doctor make the decision. Of course meds are a big concern, but sometimes they are warranted. Therapy can also go a long way. Untreated mental illnesses (or health) tend to get worse untreated.

Best wishes.

Good doctors and therapists do not diagnosis borderline in teenagers. Instead of a doctor for seeking meds why don't you ask to see a therapist and work on learning coping skills to help with life's difficult bumps.

Your mom may have a point about meds and your age. And I'd personally be leary of self diagnostics off the internet.

How are things with school behavior, grades, etc? Are there things where the school could run some testing for?

Anger and outbursts can be typical teenage things or there are things that would seem one thing on the surface such as bpd or bipolar that overlap other conditions. There is a gamut.

Neuro psych evals are time consuming to get consults for then insurance approval then the actual testing day then waiting around for results. And even with results the doctors themselves could take time to consult and decide on whether meds are truly needed.

It might be more practical to take steps to work on self esteem and adjust nutrition and sleep and exercise schedules.

My 15yo has social anxiety, some milder form of adhd(which explains the tantrums of the past-affects part of executive function of memory) and adjustment disorder. In the process of a consult regarding meds for anxiety and nothing else. If anything he had begun taking melatonin voluntarily months ago to adjust his sleeping and willingly takes a multivitamin that has Omega 3s. And I honestly see a difference.

Nope, I mentioned that issue to her but she doesn't like listening to things she doesn't understand. She's from another country & problems there were a bit around the level of pure survival for her. I'm pretty sure she doesn't understand & she probably has untreated issues herself, judging by the way she behaves.

That's what I want. Anything that helps me. My mother wouldn't allow that either. She already calls me retarded as it is & she's the type of person who thinks visiting a therapist makes them a bad person.

My school behavior is perfect. Although, I got in trouble for hanging out with the wrong crowd, who often bullied me at times. They were racist towards me because I was a very small bit Asian & couldn't handle listening to me talk about time travel or the multiverse & other dimensions, which would confuse them & continue to confuse me as to why I was confusing them. I couldn't really make friends after I separated from them because I get very anxious. No kids my age have the same interest or knowledge on any of the subjects I do, not to the same degree at least. I don't belong where I am & I wish I could speed up my education but I can't do online school because the school I'm in thinks I'm stupid, while the teachers who see through me feel otherwise. I do good on testing because I have an outstanding memory & usually learn things as soon as they approach my brain; I love learning. The only issue is that I can't focus on work. I only have trouble doing the small assessment work or homework between tests. I just can't seem to focus on it & I've been that way my entire life, which I find strange. It's affected my grades very negatively for a long time & even confused some teachers who stated that I was very intelligent & could tell that I was alongside the top few kids in my class who were great at remembering details about the subjects we were learning. I'm not really sure what to do there. I tried focusing but I always fail after a while. I just kinda gave up now. I feel like intelligence & my issues in school have some correlation, but I'm not sure what it is.

I really wish my mother helped me in school but she doesn't. I've been trying to study a lot this summer but she suddenly shut off our Wi-Fi when I was in the middle of the calculated time I needed to study. She clearly can afford it & is just doing it because she only uses her phone, which I find rude & upsetting. I had to hack a neighbor's Wi-Fi to use the internet. I have been making an effort at proving myself to her that I am what people think I am but she sees less in me than anyone else. She's the type of mother you see yelling at her kid for being "embarrassing" when you're nearby but it would be awkward for you to interfere & say it wasn't very much so, if you get what I mean by that. I promise that it's not my inner teenager spirit coming out & saying that either.

School is out now, but when school is back in could you talk to a school counselor?

Nammu is correct, BPD and other personality disorders aren't supposed to be diagnosed before the age of 18. The last therapist I saw for any length of time was when I was 17 and she thought I had it, but didn't officially diagnose it because I was only 17 at the time. (In my adult years I did research and diagnosed myself with it because I'm basically textbook BPD.) She did give me some worksheets to use because she was certain I at least had some traits of it and that the worksheets would help.

Since you are self-aware (super important for dealing with BPD btw) and are willing to take some initiative on this, perhaps another option for you would be self-help methods like looking up Youtube videos, books, or articles online that can teach you techniques in dealing with this. I've had much better luck helping myself than using what few things I got from therapy, and the more aware you are of yourself the better luck you may have in doing the same. Still, when you can it would be a good idea to get into therapy.

Hello there,

Do know this....if your ever at risk of hurting yourself or someone else go to any hospital and let them know. I have been a member of PC since 2012. I have read so many stories of when people were first diagnosed. Many people have posted and said what ages they were when they first had mental health symptoms. Everyone did not get symptoms at age 18-22 like the DSM states. Good luck

I am disagreeing with some here in that I think a diagnosis and medication could be of help - even to a 15 year old. Life was hell for me back at that age as I definitely lived with depression and anxiety. Although not diagnosed with bipolar until my early forties I can look back and definitely point to manic episodes.

To go about getting some help. Unfortunately, a youth cannot take charge of their own health decisions until 16 in most places. But there are things you can do....

Once school begins talk to a guidance counsellor. They can get things rolling along, have you see a school board psychologist, and talk to your mom. They are also trained to provide a little counselling and some support. So too can people on the other end of crisis lines. Find the number for the local mental health crisis line and perhaps a teen helpline too. Locate a mental health association for your area and get some assistance from them.

Finally, your are not alone and there are people who DO and WILL understand you.