Been broken up with for 4th time by Bipolar bf

Ok so a bit of back story is that I've been involved with this mentally ill and home ridden guy online for about three months. We were friends at first then got romantically involved super fast... We would sleep in calls and talk everyday for hours. We ran into a lot of issues very suddenly. I don't want to make this too long but he has broken up with me about four times now, the most recent time being last week where he was upset I hadn't kept a promise about going out and drinking. Now he says he just doesn't want to be in a relationship and he has said countless things through our times of breaking up where he is not good enough for me, he has too many issues, I deserve better and the most recent being where he can't trust me and just lost feelings for me like that. He still wants to be my best friend but not be romantically involved. I'm feeling so hurt and confused. Idk what the right thing to do here is for me or him. He has also very bad suicidal tendencies and doesn't want me to stop talking to him. I feel SO ATTACHED to him on an unhealthy level and I want to be with him so badly due to the fact we share such a connection, but this stuff is too much and I can't keep waiting around for him. Can't just be his friend either when I want more. I also have very bad abandonment issues to the point where I will hold onto anyone if I feel "connected" and I struggle with anxiety and depression. I really feel like I am in love with him. Please help!!

Something else to note is that he has a lot of physical disabilities such as pots and addisons disease...

I think you need to ask yourself in what way does this relationship enrich your life? Is your world all the better for having him in it?

Three months is pretty quick to have gotten yourself into a committed relationship. There are a lot of warning signs here and please please don't ignore them. Yeah, if needed it will be tough to drag yourself away but, if you apply the question above you may realise it is for the better.

Have you a relationship offline? Have you met and do you do things together? I am pretty hard lined in that I don't feel that a true relationship exists without doing so. This coming from a woman who met her partner online. I was careful not to call or think of him as a boyfriend at all until we actually met and went out regularly as a couple.

I definitely understand the abandonment issues. I have BPD and have made horrible choices because I've been so afraid of being alone. Please don't ignore those red flags. For your sake I hope you only end up as friends with him, this relationship sounds really horrible for you and that's not fair to you. He needs to get better (not necessarily 100%, just enough that he's not hurting you constantly) before he should consider a relationship.

As for calling someone a boyfriend without meeting as WishfulThinker is addressing, I think that's up to the individual couple. Committing to someone online only for a bit isn't a bad thing and is what I hope for so that I can have a safe distance to get to know someone a bit better before meeting. What you do need to be aware of though is that online only relationships, including friendships, can be very shallow and fleeting and people often aren't the same offline as they are online.

I feel that it's give and take honestly. The good times with him have enriched my life I'd say, but the constant breakups and fights are not worth it. I keep blaming myself too for some of the fights because I know I haven't been perfect. For example, he didn't like when I would hang out with certain people or when I got drunk or high. We have never met in person yet but had talked about it. He was really down for meeting up in the beginning then switched gears to not being ready... Very confusing. All of it.

If you have never met you don’t know what’s going on. He could be married or in prison. He doesn’t even know you so him not liking you going out or drinking has no value

I would drop him and not look back.

So many red flag screaming out

So much drama and you have never hung out in real life.

He’s trying to control your action even before you meet , run,,,, don’t walk away

You deserve a real partner you can do things with.

He might have Bipolar but his actions are just wrong no matter a MI or not.

This coming from a person with Bipolar.

I have fears that he will kill himself if I leave completely. Just ugh, none of this makes sense to me. I miss how it was in the beginning but I know this is how it will likely be if I do stay. He doesn't have many people in his life who care. I wish I didn't have such a savior complex..

You guys are right though and I appreciate all of your replies. I am aware of how toxic this relationship was/is and his actions. I just keep blaming myself for the drinking. But like you said, we have never met so it doesn't really affect him in all honesty.

You can’t really “leave” him as you aren’t together. He is just someone you are talking online who can be anybody. Please focus on improving your life instead of worrying about total strangers. Do keep in mind that getting regularly drunk and high at 18 isn’t very healthy (bad at any age but worse at 18). I

Four times is too much. You most likely need time before you can just be friends. Since you haven’t met this isn’t a real relationship though I’m sure it feels very real. I would think about what you really want. Do u really want a long distance bf with so many issues? I would accept the breakup and move forward. Like others say too many red flags.

Also bipolar here, and I could not agree more. Also, his feelings for you turning on a dime are NOT a symptom of bipolar. He has other issues. And you mention being afraid to "leave" him for fear he'll kill himself. I hardly know where to start with why you should not let this interfere with doing what is best for you, but please think how easy it would be for him to pretend such a thing from online! Hell, he could totally do it (pretend) for no other reason than to manipulate you! In fact, if he's threatened it at all, it is VERY likely he would do such a thing (manipulate you by pretending). Even short of that, what about scaring you with spells of non-response? Do you really need that? With the abandonment issues you have? No!

THIS. He could be ANYBODY. I've personally encountered someone who pretended to be dying and had all kinds of people fooled. It was total BS. And those people also would say what a "nice" guy he was.

Don't kid yourself -- you are in a "relationship" with a projection.

Sorry if that comes off harshly. But I really believe you are setting yourself up for a disasterous fall if you don't cut him off. Completely. Because if you, as you put it, have a savior complex, he will just keep sucking you in over and over again.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

When I say leave him, I mean in terms of blocking him. But yeah I see what you mean. I agree that getting regularly drunk and high at 18 isn't healthy. I will only drink a couple times a month and rarely smoke weed anymore.

Honestly, you are right.

Thank you for understanding that yes, it does feel very real. I conclude that all of you are right in telling me to accept the breakup and move on. I have my own issues, I shouldn't add his to mine.

If he tells you he is suicidal you call police ..,, if you even know what town he actually lives at.

Don’t let him pull you back in as he’s probably going to dump you for the 5th time

Find a guy you can hang with and build a relationship

It's been two days since I have stopped talking to him. On my own terms which I'm glad about. I just can't be his friend after all this. I realized how unhealthy it was, even though I do care for him. There was just a lot of feelings involved and it all happened so fast. I know I do deserve better but I still wish the best for him. I'm happy that I cut off contact even though it hurts a lot after everything else that did happen.