Messenger mental health support chat group/Blocked.

So I was using a mental health chat support group on messenger for about a month.The bloke that formed the group and ran it kept seeking praise for setting it up and kept calling it my group like he owned it.He and his wife monopolised the chat.I got on ok until we turned to discussing the football and some fans at my pub singing the national anthem,I said I hated Nationalism and wasn't a monarchist,so the group owner pipes up how he and his wife love the royal family,so there was I an outsider,but I shut up and left them to their beliefs.The otther day though one of the members said she was playing in the sand pit with her kids and sand got down her top and she wanted a shower to get the sand off her tits and our beloved leader said we ought to call you that as a nickname and he gave her the nickname in the group of Sandy Tits and changed it on the group settings to that.I objected and said I found it offensive and sexist,he apologised but denied being sexist and removed the name along come the group flirt another woman and challenges me its only a joke don't accuse him of sexism blah blah blah and she inflamed the whole situation.I insisted it was sexist and inappropriate for a mental health group where people had been abused and needed safety to refer to a woman by her body parts.They insisted it was a joke and not sexist,I said they had a blind spot.The man liked smutty jokes and nicknames and he claims he is not sexist is it me or what?In the end he said **** it I am not having this ******** in my group and blocked me.Because I have no access to the group chat page to link it and report it to Facebook he has got away with that.But I am disgusted and upset.I feel he hasn't wanted me in the group since I said I wasn't a monarchist.He was the one in the wrong and I get blocked.

Why do I lose the support when he is the one that behaved inaproppiately?

The simple answer if I read it right was that it was his group so he chose to block you. I have to believe that you can find another support. Have you tried 7 Cups of Tea? I have heard positive things about that support.

So as Deejay said, it is HIS group, so he can block you. That's just the way Facebook works.

Some feedback on the situation. So, first, the guy says something inappropriate. You call him out on it. According to you, he apologizes. Here's where I see something that could have possibly produced a different result. After he apologized, instead of accepting the apology and moving on, you insisted that he was a sexist and insisted that he saw that. It was unlikely he would see it, when presented in that way. The best you could do is point out how his actions were perceived, and when he apologized, thank him for respecting your views. Instead, it seems, again as an outside that I am, that, to me, you wanted to be right. So you engaged in arguing with him on whether or not he was a sexist.

I cannot say whether or not he is a sexist, but people very rarely change because you call them out. You have to ask "what is the result I want." Was the result you want for him to admit he was sexist? Was the result you wanted was for him to fix the woman's handle in the group? He did the latter after you confronted him. So he had some respect for your feelings. It's unlikely that he would just admit he's sexist ever. The most you could do is get him to understand how his actions make you feel, and then it's quite possible that he would not want to hurt you, so he would refrain from those comments.

I don't know you. I do not know exactly what was said or what happened. This is just feedback based on how I interpreted what I read.

I'm sorry you lost your group. There are many support groups out there. And I hope you find a new one.

Seesaw

I didn't insist he was a sexist after he apologised I was willing to let it go.It was the group flirt started it all up again by attacking me for not seeing the nickname as a joke and for calling him sexist.

I said the nickname was sexist and he was introducing smut into the group....you can blame me all you like, fact is ,there was sexism going on in the group and I wasn't liked both for not being a monarchist and for being liked by other members of the group.

Both the founder of the group, the sexism male, and the group flirt (another woman), wanted me out ,so she baited me and inflamed things so he'd have an excuse to block me.

Maybe I did want to be right and get him to see that he had been sexist, it was a shock to me that he and the woman flirt couldn't see that calling a woman Sandy Tits is outright sexism!

The other thing I am the only one with a foreign name in the group and have expressed a dislike of the monarchy and nationalism which they support,no prizes for guessing that he was looking for an excuse to get rid of me anyway.But thanks for your feedback Seesaw.

Okay, but your own post says that he changed the name, although he denied being sexist, and you yourself used the words "I insisted..." My point is, what you wanted was the removal of the offensive name. You go that, so when someone was arguing with you, a thing you could have said is that it's irrelevant now because the name is changed. I'm trying to help you see a future possibility of acting. You cannot and will not change how people think. We cannot control the thoughts in other people's heads. But if the person agrees to our request to act in a certain way, that's all we can ask, not that they think how we demand they think.

Perhaps he did have some other agenda to get rid of you. Again, I'm just telling you what I see when you describe the situation here.

At this point, there is nothing that you can do about it now. I do not think there is anything reportable that he did on Facebook, as it was a private group that he created, so it was HIS group. I am sorry you have had to experience this, that it is causing you such upset. If you are looking for mental health support, this site has a chat system you could try and I am sure there are other, more open Facebook groups you could join.

Best,
Seesaw

To be honest you might ask yourself if your "issues" with this group owner stems from things prior to the problem you had with the naming and what you deem as inappropriate.

You opened up with
Thing is, you seemed to be already offended by this person before anything even started, first that he was wanting praise and "monopolizing" chat, then football then the nationalism, and finally the situation with the sexual innuendo and statements in chat.

It matters very little what form the offenses took since it is their chat and they actually do have the rights to enforce their authority there. What is said and done is entirely allowable by the person that is in authority there.

My suggestion is to find people that you are on the same wavelength with, share values and respect and join their group. Or outside of that you can create your own group and offer what you feel is fair and appropriate behavior for an MI chat.

HOpe this helps.

It doesn’t sound like it’s a good fit anyway so being blocked might be a blessing for you. You didn’t share any of the views of anyone in the group so I wouldn’t feel bad. There are ton of forums and chats that are a bad fit. I’d not bother with them.

I was a bit confused why you were upset he called it “my group” if he is the one who formed and ran it. It seems common sense to me. Sounds like you had some issue with him and his wife to begin with. Good luck finding better fitting chats

He and his wife had issues with me.Namely I am not a fan of the Royal family and I don't think a mental health support group is a suitable arena for smutty nicknames,my therapist agreed with me.I think he was sexist and disliked me for not being a monarchist.I don't think he has behaved appropiately.Facebook did have the option of me reporting him which I eventually found so they will be reviewing the entire conversation to see if he breached their guidelines and if so they will take action against him.None of you have considered that being sexist in a mental health support group is wrong and makes such a group unsafe,you have all chosen to focus on my words and actions as being in the wrong.I don't think you appreciate how upsetting and offensive sexist language is.I don't want any more opinions from people who want to tear me to bits and criticise me in what happened here.I want support not advice on how to be a better person.I don't actually think or see that I was anyway in the wrong.I did get on with some members of the group and it was the founder and the group flirt who had it in for me and inflamed this whole thing as an excuse to get me blocked.I don't want or need anymore comments as I haven't found any supportive so far.I feel like there is victim blaming going on here which isn't helping it is just making me feel worse.Next time I won't bother posting here.

I certainly don’t condone sexism and wouldn’t be happy with such nickname. I think it was totally inappropriate of him and I agree that’s offensive. But I read your original post twice and you said he apologized and also took that nickname down. I think that was enough.

I don’t think it was necessary to keep arguing with him and “insisting” (your words) on anything after he already apologized and took that name down. He possibly blocked you to stop the confrontation. He might be the nasty human being but that’s his group. He could choose who to let in and who to block. Since he is sexist, why would you even want to be in his group.

I think other posters agreed that it’s sexist. No one argues about that. It seems like people don’t see any point in arguing after person already apologized, not that they don’t find it sexist

I asked that people stop commenting with their opinions.You have not read what I said the group flirt insisted on continuing the argument I was willing to let it go.Now can admin shut this thread down.I have not found it helpful only critical of me.People are shoving their opinions at me and blaming me without taking in the details of my side of the story.Can a moderator close this thread please.

I do not welcome any more comments on this topic.Please can a moderator close down this thread.

I apologize for responding but in order to assist. I think the fastest way to close the thread would actually be to hit the report button and submit a report to request the thread be closed. Otherwise the admin will not see this.

I am sorry you did not get the response you wanted. I do hope you are able to find a new group that works for you.

Seesaw

This thread is being closed at the OP's request.