Is my sister toxic?

Hello everyone. This might be a little lengthy.

Quick backstory.
Over a month ago I had a nervous breakdown. Anxiety, panic attacks etc.
My boyfriend broke up with me during my nervous breakdown. We lived together in a foreign country where I'm not originally from.
I ended up going back home for counseling. I feel a lot better.
I meditate daily, do a gratitude list daily and practice affirmations. I try to ignore things that are negative and stay in a positive mindset. It's been working well.

My younger sister came back with me to this foreign country and is staying with me for the next 3 weeks. She has been very supportive of me up until we came here. She has anxiety and social anxiety so she understands how I'm feeling.
However..

Ever since we came she's been constantly complaining about everything and not enjoying herself. Constantly complaining that everything is too expensive, she's too fat, she's too ugly, everything sucks, this and that is a tourist trap. She criticises me too. She says the following almost every day: you speak too quietly, you're too sensitive, you're weak, you get too easily annoyed, calm the **** down etc.
Then she told me that I ruined her first days here because I was crying over my boyfriend (we came back to the apartment I lived in with him.. which was triggering of course). She said that I'm weak and I'm letting a man control how I feel and that I should just get over him. She also mentioned that on the way over here I got afraid cos of "a little" turbulence (I got teary-eyed and was shaking). She told me: It's like you're broken. You're so weak now. The smallest thing breaks you.

Today we left to go sightseeing 20 minutes earlier than was planned. She was speaking to her new boyfriend on her computer. When I said we had to go she told me to shut up while she was talking to him, was sighing and complaining that she had to go and that she'd rather not. Ended up blaming me for not telling her the correct time (Which I did), then sulked all day until a stranger told her she was beautiful then she perked up. I'd been trying to speak and lighten the mood and never got any response from her.
We finally came home and she told me that I had a bad attitude all day and that I should fix my attitude and learn to calm down.

When in reality I was smiling and enjoying myself, while she was complaining about everything.

I'm at a breaking point because I don't know what to do with her. I tell my parents about and they do nothing. Tell me to be patient and not fight with her.

Hello ALittleOne: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Unfortunately, I don't know what to tell you about the situation you describe. It just sounds to me as though your sister has her own issues (which you mentioned.) And perhaps the two of you being together is simply not a good mix? Your sister cannot heal you. Likewise you cannot heal your sister. And your parents can't heal either one of you. So perhaps the answer here is for the two of you to go your separate ways & do whatever you want to do / need to do in order to address your individual concerns... to follow your own paths, so to speak. Whatever that is. And then, beyond that, learning to establish & maintain your personal boundaries may also be of help. (Three of the articles listed below address this subject.)

There is a forum, here on PC, dedicated to the topic of anxiety & panic attacks. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/anxi...c-and-phobias/

And then here are links to a selection of articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to manage anxiety & panic attacks, how to establish & maintain personal boundaries, & how to deal with difficult family members. This looks like a lot of reading! But the articles are short. So it's not as much as it may appear:

11 Tips to Help Manage Anxiety

9 Ways to Reduce Anxiety Right Here, Right Now

15 Small Steps You Can Take Today to Improve Anxiety Symptoms

Top 10 Lesser-Known Self-Help Strategies for Anxiety

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...ess-fails-you/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/tips-to...-attack/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/a...eatment/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-ar...do-i-get-some/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/keeping...our-needs-met/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...amily-members/

My best wishes to you...

Hi ALittleOne,

Sorry you've been having such struggles, you're not alone here in that respect. But I'm glad your therapy has been helping you - that's really good!

For me, I'm not exactly sure what defines a 'toxic' person, but all I know is - if my own behaviour has been respectful and considerate toward a person, but they, unfortunately, were treating me in the way your sister has been treating you, I wouldn't consider it being supportive, in fact I'd begin to consider it rude. I'd soon lose my patience with such a person.

But I know you must love your sister, of course, so, have you tried sitting down with her and explaining in a calm, non-judging manner, that you don't like being spoken to in that way? That's one thing a therapist would likely recommend.

Hang in there ALittleOne, you're doing very well.

I would consider this as toxic! Set some boundaries with her! Explain to her that she can not talk to you this way and if she continued on she has to leave because you can't handle the negative atmosphere she is creating with her bad attitude negative comment and complaining. Tell her that she has no right to tell you to be quiet, how to feel in anyway or what to do. Explain to her she doesn't have to go out with you but she shouldn't talk to her boyfriend all the time. If she can't agree to the rule than she has to leave. Try distancing yourself as much as possible. Reminder her this we did discussed this so I am reminding you that if you have nothing to say that is light and positive that you are leaving some where else and if this happen two more times she has to find somewhere else to go. I am reminding you again that you have no right to tell me how to feel when you say I need to calm down or that I have a bad attitude so I am going got give you two more chances and if you can't follow the rules than you have to pack up. I don't want you to go but you can't talk me and treat me this way any more or anyone else. If you need me to I will right down the rules? Or ask her what her main point and why is she not following her own advice? What do you have to lose? I have a sister like this

I'm sorry if your going through this. I want to send a great big hug to you.

I completely agree with you! I wish that I had thought about that! Great advice!

I completely agree with you! That is great advice!I wish I had thought about that myself!