Was I led on

I think I was led on...I found out near new years of this year actually. And the thing is I can't tell if everything was faked, I honestly can't tell if he was honest with me from the start.


The backstory is that I know this guy liked me ( I think, I couldn't tell because it was very mixed signals, and I have a friend that acts exactly the same way that he does and my friend has a girlfriend already so I thought nothing of it). Either way he came off very personably. Always asking how my day was, and he always helped me even when I wanted to do it on my own. I'm not completely useless after all....kinda. Asking what I liked and what my favourite things are etc Even sometimes getting ansty when I'm showing him and my other coworkers pictures of my friend's latte art. The thing is I eventually started liking him because of how much of a goofball he is. When he knows something is wrong, he will try to make you smile which is a sweet gesture. He would often come downstairs when he worked upstairs to bother us mainly to me but usually to liven up the mood.


It was when I started liking him that everything felt...different. I felt like my other coworkers knew something that I didn't because I was always left in the dark and load and behold he already had a girlfriend....found out from his aunt who told me. To say that I was hurt is an understatement because I trusted his honestly when he claimed he's tired of being single. I believed in everything he said...and the thing that hurts the most is that he acts like I don't know anything. I even found out he's not even a student from my uni that I attend, and the thing is some of my coworkers were in on this as well. I'm honestly disheartened by everything that happened...


I have gotten to the point of the it is what it is saying, but sometimes small things will trigger me. Because I'm desperatly holding onto the belief that they're not bad people. That maybe he never faked his feelings for me and recently got a girlfriend and fell out of liking me. Or this was just a thing to past time, fun and games kind of thing. But overall I have never felt so hurt....

Hello Nothingrllymatters: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I'm sorry I don't have any idea what this was all about. And the fact is, it seems to me, there's no way to really figure out what it was all about. As you mentioned having concluded yourself: it just is what it is.

The danger here, to the extent there is any, is in starting to ruminate over this & allow it to become much more significant in the whole scheme of things than it needs to be. So my suggestion, for what it's worth, is to simply let it go & move on. It's just not worth expending any more mental energy over, in my opinion. Perhaps other members, here on PC, will have other perspectives they can share.

Thank you for the welcome. I actually left out a lot of details lol I don't want to ruin his character...so I kept it as vague as possible xD

Did he explicitly tell you that he liked you? Did he ever ask you out on a date? If he did—and then it turns out he had a girlfriend at the time— then he did lead you on. If not, it’s really hard to guess someone’s intentions. I try to be as direct as possible so as to avoid misinterpretation.

He did ask me what I'm doing for christmas, he even drove me home one time (Not really to my house but close to my house cause I asked to be dropped to there lol). The thing is I overheard one conversation between him and a customer where the customer asked if he had a girlfriend, and he answered back no. When the customer asked if he liked anyone he pointed towards me without saying anything. The customer I guess knew this was suppose to be a secret and wished him luck.

Nevertheless to answer your question, no he never told me he actually liked me. He did ask me how do you say you're really pretty in japanese, because I am part japanese, and asked me what's wo ai ni in chinese. There's a lot more other things...but I'll rather leave it out.

Adding onto my comment, to be fair I also kept it a secret as well (me liking him back). Only because I half expected him to tell me he liked me, but again because of the mixed signals I started to doubt he actually liked me. And thought it was only one sided from my part.


As you can tell I was really confused lol

I'm sorry for adding so many comments, but it does take awhile for the comments to pop upn and I can't edit comments. But just because I heard that conversation doesn't mean he couldn't like other girls.

His actions (the ones you shared on here) don’t indicate Romantic interest, just friendliness. Also many people refer to themselves as “single” meaning marital status. Having a girlfriend doesn’t mean he isn’t single anymore. Maybe there is more to the story but from
what you shared I am not sure how and if he led you on.

That's why I was confused, I knew he was just being friendly with me. Granted, I am leaving a lot of things out of my story I think it's better if I private message. Am I allowed to message you?

Also a side note, I interpret that when you have a girlfriend or boyfriend you stay exclusive to one another =/