Making friends...

is hard for me and maintaining friendships even harder. Why? Is this how everybody feels?

I don’t have an extended and close family... just hubby. I try to make friends I guess to make up for that empty part of my life.

I have formed social groups... invited people to get together... I include new friends in other groups I’ve found... I find that people don’t reciprocate and invite me to things. I just don’t form lasting friendships.

What am I missing?? Do I perhaps try too hard? I’ve wondered if I am not a good friend to others... maybe I’m self absorbed and I don’t realize it?... but I’ve also wondered if I just befriend the wrong people and then I feel taken advantage of. I used to easily like and trust people but I lately I don’t trust easily at all. I often feel sad about this.

Please stop asking yourself what is wrong with you. The right people will love you as you are. The right people for you are out there. Keep searching.

It sounds to me like you are doing all the right things. I'm also here if you want an online friend.

Thank you ❤️

Yup, I feel the same a lot. I only make friends online and even then it's rare. My good friend only came into my life by sheer chance and I really disliked him before I got to know him.

Making friends is difficult for me as well. I never really figured out how to do it as a young person - I was very shy in high school. Started coming out of my shell in college but was very focused on schoolwork - friends were not a high priority. Got married right out of college and started having kids the next year so our early years were about getting established, raising the kids, etc. Now I'm > 50 and I've realized that I'm missing friends and skills for making friends. A couple years ago I left the company I had been with for 19 years. I had lots of great long-term working relationships but no true friendships - no one that I do things with now. I have been trying to build some more causal relationships into friendships but I don't really know what to do and I'm concerned that it looks weird to them. You don't want a 50+ year old woman to ask to be your friend. :-) Adding to the loneliness, my hubby and I don't really do hobbies or activities together. We didn't develop that early on, so it's challenging now. I'm still trying to work on that and get what I need....

So, I'm trying to say that you're not alone!

Making friends gets harder as you age. Not that I am a friendship expert, just what I've noticed.

I basically had no friends when I was married. I left him 11 years ago & moved to a town 2100 miles away where I knew no one. A small town where I have met many people. I am involved in lots of activities throughout the community & at the horse park. Through those activities I have met many wonderful friends & we do help each other. Many of us are older women who are divorced or widowed with a few who are married. I have several very wonderful people I do art with weekly, I have a group of people I volunteer with at the horse park annually for a huge show we decorate for & we keep in touch throughout the year & help with other horse shows. Have a group of horse people & we get together often to socialize & ride. I have very special friends from church who have become my family since I have no family other than my daughter who lives 1100 miles away.

I have found it easier to have more in common with more people as I have become older & retired where my life is no longer focused on my career or limited in friendships in a bad marriage.....I can finally be me & care about others & they care about me.....the foundation of friendships along with common interests.

Since being married, I haven't maintained any close relationships other than the one with my husband. It was party because I moved away from the state I grew up in after marrying him including nearly 5 years overseas. I also think my mental illness effected my ability to maintain relationships. I feel like I have made a lot of progress in managing my mental illness and am hopeful that this will effect my ability to keep friends in a positive way.

When I think of my most meaningful relationships; they happened spontaneously. We can't totally control our ability to meet people we connect with but if we get out of the house daily through work, exercise, etc, it could happen when we least expect it!

Hubby and I don’t really do any hobbies or activities together either. I’m looking for some new activities to get involved with because I get a bit lonely and bored... hubby doesn’t understand that. He’s happy not having any friends and quite content just to do his own thing....

I do need to get out more. You’re right, friendships can’t be forced and I just need to find things to do and get out and meet people more.

It’s interesting how sometimes you meet somebody and instantly dislike them... and they turn out to be someone you like. I have had too many experiences where I like people at first and then realize they’re not somebody I want to be around after all... I hate it when that happens.

I’m glad to know it’s possible to form strong friendships after retirement... Your friends sound lovely. ❤️

I have a lot of struggles making friends as well, although I'm young So I can relate to your feelings.

The one thing I found most difficult after having no friends was learning to think about the other people & communicate with them to see how they are doing & be there for them just like they are there for me when needed.

When people were just acquaintances it was like "out of sight, out of mind" until I was with them & talkibg to them. Friends are different. There has to be more connection on both sides. It is not just them calling me but my calling them & just being there for each other. I was so used to being alone & doing my own thing it took awhile to learn to think about others & really care about them not just when I was with them

Yeah, I'm totally with you. I am also good at initiating friendships but super bad at sustaining them in the way that I see others do, i.e. having family-like life-time friendships. It makes me feel very sad that I can't do this.
Very sad indeed - I wake up in the middle of the night grieving about it. And I don't know what's missing in my behaviour. People find me friendly, but beyond the casual enjoyment of each other's company they don't commit.

I have had some conversations about friendship where people said to me "of course friends would back you up about that" and I didn't know for sure...

Also scrutinising my life, I have this odd ability - the creative side of me that doesn't get on with routine - to be attracted to people who admit that they are also bad about sustaining friendship.... They are nice people, not especially neurotic, but don't actually give friendship such a high priority in their lives. Probably because they have siblings.

Will be reading avidly to see whether I can learn anything from your journey .

Your hubby is much like mine. He also has some anxiety issues that contribute to him not being big on going out or doing things... He's a wonderful man, a great father, my best friend. But I need a little more in this one area.

Yes, how do you do building casual relationships into friendships???