Is someone speaking to you badly ever okay?

nomilkforu · Aug 13, 2018 at 09:12 AM

I think I am probably in an abusive relationship with a Narcissist.

If someone speaks to you badly and is nasty to you, and deeply personal in their attack in response to something you've said (whether it was critical, or they've simply perceived it as a criticism - either way, it was not in a nasty tone), is it *ever* okay for them to tell you that it's your own fault for raising it with them/ bringing it up? Can someone ever tell you that the way they speak to you is YOUR own fault?

Or is that simply Narcissistic behaviour that will/can never change?

eskielover · Aug 13, 2018 at 10:05 AM

I did that before I finally left my bad marriage because I had enough & started striking out. I am NOT a narcissist by any streatch of anyone's imagination. I just had enough & it was my way of striking back until I was finally able to get out.

Was my response abusive in response to how I felt in my marriage?.....that would be a YES.

Was it a good way to respond?.....NO.

I had learned those coping skills when growing up in my dysfunctional family life & until I learned better skills those were what I fell back on in my own bad marriage.

I guess what I am saying is that.....YES, you could be dealing with a narcissist.....BUT you could also actually be dealing with some other cause for those behavioral traits.

As soon as I left my marriage my behaviors didn't follow except when under extreme stress & I worked hard myself & in therapy to fix the bad way I had of reacting to major stressful things in my life.

That behavior is NEVER right.....but the cause & correction does depend on the willingness & ability of the person to change.

Aug 13, 2018 at 02:43 PM

Nope. It’s never ok.

Aug 13, 2018 at 05:32 PM

NOT OK. If you ever think you're being abused, look up on the internet signs of emotional and verbal abuse and you will be able to identify the behaviors that much more easily.

TishaBuv · Aug 13, 2018 at 05:58 PM

Being mean, vicious, and nasty is never good, and yes it is abusive.
But “Is it ok?” Is a matter of to whom. Is it ok with you? If you allow them to do it, then I guess it is ok with you.
And yes, ditto for me, I also said some mean, nasty things to my husband and we are now divorcing. I don’t think I’m a narcissist. I was very angry, frustrated, and just wanted to push him away. I also was raised with a bad role model who did that. She has no remorse about it. I have terrible remorse about it. So bad, I filed for divorce to stop the toxic relationship.

Aug 13, 2018 at 07:58 PM

That has happened to me before and scarred me. It is never ok.

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Anonymous47864 Guest Posts: n/a	Aug 13, 2018 at 02:43 PM #3 Nope. It’s never ok.
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Anonymous40643 Guest Posts: n/a	Aug 13, 2018 at 05:32 PM #4 NOT OK. If you ever think you're being abused, look up on the internet signs of emotional and verbal abuse and you will be able to identify the behaviors that much more easily.
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Anonymous50384 Guest Posts: n/a	Aug 13, 2018 at 07:58 PM #6 That has happened to me before and scarred me. It is never ok.
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